AIBU? Baby Boy- Autism.

[MumofHennHals]

Please do not judge me, I suffer with health anxiety ever since I gave birth to my boy prematurely, I worry about him hugely. I'm seeking medical advice / treatment for this so I don't need to be told to 'seek help' - it's just some advice / reassurance is nice sometimes- so thank you in advance to anyone who helps.

He was born at 34 weeks, 10 months ago. However for his milestones and other things we have to go by his 'corrected due date age' which makes him 8.5 months..

He is a happy little boy which is all that matters to me, but as a mummy I want the best support & best life for my son as I can possibly give him.

My husband thinks I'm being unreasonable worrying about him because he is so young still and I do get that, but as a mum I just want to be aware.

The things I'm worried about are that he cannot yet:

• Imitate sounds or actions- for example, he won't say Dadadadada back to me even though he makes that sound already by himself & he won't copy me when I clap although he can clap and locate both hands together - instead both of these things will engage him, he will make eye contact and he will smile and laugh at me instead.

• He doesn't yet point. (but I'm not sure if that's expected at 8.5 months- Google is very much contradicting depending on where you live )

• He doesn't yet wave. ( but in all honesty, I don't think he has been waved at by many people regularly enough - I'll start doing this in and around the house more when I enter and leave rooms )

• Put arms up to be carried. ( again, not sure when this usually comes into play- but if he's crying I'll put my arms out to him and he will put his arms out wide which I've taken as a 'yes please' )

• Respond to his name, which is very hit and miss- sometimes he will look directly at me and sometimes he won't; I've noticed the won't comes more with the fact he is playing or something else has hold of his attention.

• won't hold his own milk bottle, prefers to be cuddles and being fed.

• Hates baby led weaning food, will play all day long with the textures in his hands happily but struggles to chew it- but is great with any flavour puree, his favourite is a rather strong garlic cheesy spread on his melty sticks ( which he feeds himself )

Things he does do;

• If we are in eye contact he will smile back to me if I smile or giggle at him.

• He crawls, climbs & walks along the furniture - the stair gates are already firmly up.

• he babbles, lots of Dadadadada, Dodododo, BAbabababa, and raspberries- albeit less than what my 4 year old daughter did at his age; but she is a major chatterbox.

• He will crawl over and climb up to me.

• He will follow you around the room with his eyes if you have his attention.

• He crawls over to the end of the cot when my daughter comes in the room every morning and will stand up and babble away to her.

• He will play peekaboo, if I'm covering my eyes he will remove my hands for my eyes and really giggle at me.

• he will make and maintain eye contact during a bottle feed.

• He sleeps really well, never has an issue self settling and sleeps through the night and has naps!

• He loves someone in the same room as him, if we leave he notices and gets upset and he will always notice if you enter the room if you've not been in it.

There's so many factors where he is sociable and loves social interaction, but a few of the 'Hit and misses' with the name responding, the not copying his words or clapping etc... it's making me worry, or is it still quite young? - he had an ear infection recently, he's got a follow up tomorrow- but it seems to have definitely improved and his hearing has been fine besides that 5 days 2 weeks ago.

Am I being unreasonable to the situation and myself for worrying so early on? Is there a chance he is still on track to being neurotypical?

Op my son is autistic but I didn't really know until he was 1.5 year old I started to have my suspicion.

He was hitting all his milestones as a baby walked before he was 1 and always gave eye contact was a happy baby and still is thankfully a happy lad.

The things that made me aware that he had autism was his speech he didn't have that many words and he repeated a lot of things the usual lining up his cars fixated with cars that's still a thing even now for him, and melt downs that would last for ages he did head bang for a brief point thankfully that didn't last too long but I think that was more his frustration of not being able to communicate what was upsetting him.

He was diagnosed at 4 years old I had spoken and raised my concerns with the health visitor who helped to get things moving I realise now how fortunate we were to have a diagnosis so quickly for him only had to wait 2 years.

Ironically, my DS who both pointed and spoke extremely early is the autistic one. I have no concerns at all about my other DS who was a lot more average/if anything a little slow on verbal development.

I had no suspicion at all when DS1 was a baby. In hindsight, some behaviours probably can be explained by his diagnosis. But equally a lot of them could have well been normal.

OP, I’d say it’s way too early to be worrying about it. My DS was 27 weeks and spent a year in hospital after birth. If I could count the amount of times we have worried about milestones, him dragging his leg whilst crawling, not putting his hands together etc. He now walks perfectly and uses both of his hands, though this has only happened in the last three months. I regret all of the worrying. He is now 2 1/2. He does not yet speak but communicates in his own way and his understanding is great. He has many medical professionals involved in his care/development and none of them are worried just yet. Prematurity can have a massive effect on them and they will develop at their own rate. Say he was ND, what does it matter? If he is able to communicate in some way with you and is a happy little boy that’s all you need worry about right now. Health professionals will not get involved regarding speech etc until they are 2 and even then, if they are showing other developmental signs they may not worry too much. Absolutely keep a record but please enjoy your time with your child and don’t expect too much. He will develop in his own time and way.

Not necessarily correct.

He’s too young for any of the things you’ve listed to be a concern. But if he is autistic, what are you going to do? You can’t change him, so just get on with your life and enjoy him.

I think you need to get some help with your anxiety. Trying to get some sort of reassurance is just keeping you in the vicious cycle of worry.

Firstly it is very very unlikely that you would get any kind of diagnosis as until kids are 2 it is way too hard to tell if they are autistic or not.

Secondly my DS did all the 'normal' things as a baby but at 3 we started noticing things. He struggled a bit at primary but at 18 he is very social, incredibly intelligent and works in software development.

Finally autism isn't a death sentence! Most people live happy fulfilled lives just like anyone else and there are struggles just like we all have they just might be different struggles.

Too early to tell. Your description sounds he's bright and advanced in some areas.

Children don't tend to develop and learn in a linear line - they might have a phase of vocalising strongly, then doing something physical.

Please try and enjoy your son.

One of my children is autistic. They were a delightful toddler (a little full on) and though there's certainly tough times, they are amazing. So IF (and it's a big if) they are autistic, it will be OK.

It sounds like you have a lovely baby so just enjoy him as he is.

At 8.5 months corrected, he’s really on the young side to be doing any of the things you’ve listed that he isn’t doing. Try not to be too focused on what he is/isn’t doing.

I think you need to focus less on what sounds like completely normal behaviour for a young baby, and more on your own issues. If you keep this up, you’ll raise an extremely anxious child. It’s not fair to pass that on to him.

I’d suggest you go and educate yourself before giving advice on a thread like this!

He’s absolutely fine at the age he is. Advanced compared to mine at the same age who was born at 35 weeks. 11 months before he crawled. Took ages to point (way over the milestone checker) Barely responded to his name. Late talker, late walker, beige eater, obsessed with cars, tip toe walker. Everyone, including me, thought he might be autistic.

He’s coming up to 3 and a half now and he’s just absolutely fab. He’s talking (behind compared to his peers but not excessively so), plays games, has friends, eats vegetables, meat and fish, toilet trained, rides his bike, loves his little sister and gentle with babies and animals.

It’s still in the back of my mind that an autism diagnosis may come later down the road but it’s no longer something I am afraid about. I wish I hadn’t spent so much time worrying about it when he was young.

None of this is concerning at 8.5 months or 10 months. Just enjoy him and stop worrying!

That is utterly incorrect. I have two boys with autism and they both had fabulous eye contact when young. Even at 20 and 23 they still make eye contact but it often makes them uncomfortable.

Dear @MumofHennHals

You sound like a very switched on and wonderful Mum to your little boy, and I wanted to open with that because anxiety can rob us of those positive self-images.
My little girl has just turned two and I spent so much time in our first year together worrying if she was doing X, Y, Z when the books said she should. I worried about her constantly and once called 111 because I thought she had a terrible growth on her scalp which turned out (thankfully while I was still on hold!) to be a sunflower seed that had dropped off my bagel while I was breastfeeding and got stuck in her hair!
Babies all do different things at different times. Your DS is still so very little.
Try not to worry, keep a diary of observations if you like as it may help you feel more in control and could come in handy if you ever do need to speak to a doctor - even just for reassurance.
For now: congratulations on your little boy and I wish you both the happiest and healthiest journey together ✨❤️

i completely understand how you’re feeling OP. I had terrible health anxiety with DD up until she was around 2 and also had the constant “has she got autism” worry as well (not that it would matter if she did).

Honestly everything with you have said about your little boy sounds completely normal! It sounds like he’s doing great and just remember babies do different things at different ages.

Even when just before we cut out her last bottle at 18 months DD wouldn’t hold it herself and wanted to be fed/cuddled. She was perfectly capable of doing it (managed cups and other water bottles fine) but just wanted comfort. Nothing wrong with that

Dd only said mamamamama until 15 months. Didn’t repeat/imitate etc at all and didn’t babble much at all. Now nearly 3 and won’t stop talking (including at bedtime….. 🥱)

They do things when they want to. Honestly everything sounds great with your little boy! I’m glad you realise about your anxiety and are seeking help with this. Be kind to yourself

This is simply untrue.

my dd had no problem with eye contact.

her early signs of autism were extreme sleeping difficulties, car aversion, almost preternatural memory for an infant, delayed speech eventually followed by hyperlexia, and food issues.

Nothing you have written screams autism, but it is so hard to tell when they are very young. Even if we have inklings, it’s only in retrospect that we can go back and definitely declare that those things were in fact signs.

the most important thing is that being autistic isn’t bad for everyone. Im autistic. My DD is autistic. We both lead very normal lives. I’ve got a husband, a very successful job, a house, a child, and a fulfilling, independent life. Im perfectly happy with who I am. I would never want to be neurotypical, it looks boring.

I have 5 children, 4 of them autistic and I used to work in early years. Nothing you have said would concern me at all. All autistic children are different but my son who showed symptoms from newborn didn't smile until 7 months, always looked worried as a baby, didn't make eye contact at all (so extreme he had an emergency appointment with opthamology)

Have you posted several threads about this before OP?
if so I'm not sure these repeated threads are helping you

This is your thread from 3 days ago:
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5271398-10-month-old-autistic-aibu

To early to tell. Wait untill he is about 2 and in nursery and re evaluate. Untill then keep a log of his milestones etc as you are already doing.

That said, autism is such a spectrum, as he gets older things may become more obvious or remain subtle. Or maybe he isn't autistic at all. Time will tell.
Autism is genetic though, so if you or the dad are autistic or have an autistic family member, the chances are more.

Either way, it's diagnosed by behaviors and not genetics anyways so just chill out and wait for time to tell you more.

And there’s at least one previous one.

Honestly, I don’t think people should reply to these posts. It clearly only fuels the OP’s obsessive anxiety.

Agree with this. It’s all just feeding into this issue she clearly has.

There are NUMEROUS threads about numerous concerns, some repeated more than once.

OP, what you really should think about is how your behaviour will affect your child. Because it will. You clearly love your child very much and the best thing you can do for him is seek help for your extreme health anxiety

Not necessarily. Autism is a spectrum. There are some early signs of autism. However, right now it is worth making a note of things for later as you would need an early history of development for an assessment.

Right now, there's not much you can do assessment wise.

Not surprised you are worried after his early arrival. Must have been a big shock and left you with this anxiety. Hopefully it will fade as he grows older.