6 year old friendship problems

[YourBrickPanda]

I have a 6-year-old daughter who is kind, funny, and sensitive. She started school last year and initially struggled due to another child (later diagnosed with additional needs) who would push and scratch her. Thankfully, the school handled it well, and she settled in after the first term.
She formed a strong bond with a girl (let’s call her Clara), as they’re both quiet and avoid boisterous or bossy play. At the end of Reception, the school reshuffled classes, and my daughter moved with Clara and one other girl (Jane) into a new class.
Year One has been tough. The class seems to have grouped many of the more challenging boys with the quieter girls, and their teacher, a first-time cover for maternity leave, struggles with behaviour management. My daughter finds the noise overwhelming, has started wetting herself, struggles to sleep, and says she doesn’t want to go to school. Where she once thrived academically, she’s now behind and in booster lessons. The school has offered support, but it’s not ideal.
To make things harder, Clara is moving abroad at the end of the year, leaving my daughter with just Jane in her friendship group. However, Jane isn’t particularly kind—she dictates play, pressures my daughter to keep secrets (which we’ve reinforced is not okay), calls her names, and even scribbles over her work. Jane told my daughter no one wants to play with her and the other children have called her boring. Jane herself was moved due to previous friendship issues, and while her mother claims she was bullied, I’ve observed behaviour that suggests there’s more to it.
My daughter is struggling in a noisy, chaotic class, losing her one true friend, and left with what can only be described as a frenemy at best. Has anyone been through something similar? How can I best support her? She does struggle making friends and I've even seen kids not wanting to play with her as she shies away from boisterous play. I've been speaking with Janes mum (who I like) and trying to gently remedy the situation but its not really improving. I do playdates, she is in all the clubs and she gets invited to all the parties but thats more to do with a lot of work on our part than any other close friendships she has. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

Encourage her to spend time with people she likes, who make her feel good. Are there some quiet boys in the class?

I wouldn't waste your time talking to Jane's Mum. Just gradually fade Jane out

I’m a secondary teacher, and I cannot tell you how much it INFURIATES me when inexperienced/lazy teachers pair up quiet well-behaved girls with boisterous/difficult boys 😤😤 I see it all the time, and it is done purely to make the teacher’s life easier and at the detriment of the poor girls.

I would ask for a meeting at school with a senior teacher (not just the inept class teacher) to discuss this. Your DD needs to be paired with other girls (not Jane) and/or quiet boys. You should make them aware of her increasing anxiety, bed-wetting etc. I wouldn’t suggest moving her into another class as friendships will already have been established and that will be difficult for her, but things need to be reconfigured in her current class.

Jane is unkind and I would be giving her a wide berth, as she is contributing to your DD’s unhappiness. Doesn’t matter that you like her Mum, Jane is mean and bossy.

Keep encouraging the play dates, parties, clubs, etc as they are all very important for socialising and she will hopefully find her tribe in time.

Are there really not many girls in your daughter's year? Is Jane the only girl in her class? What about the other class? Just because they are in different classes, at lunchtime they can mix I assume. If there are more girls in the other class then I would ask for another reshuffle to sort out the imbalance.
If it is the case of only Jane in her class and two other girls for example in the other class I think I would look to move schools personally for a bigger mix.

My dd’s “outstanding” primary school also used quiet kids to try and buffer the bad behaviour of noisy kids. It’s very upsetting, but also not fair on the noisy kids who are not getting a proper education either. It all came down to a bonkers “therapeutic” behaviour model where kids were encouraged to behave nicely by lots of talking and promises of incentives and there were very few sanctions.

I would ask to talk to the teacher - not just at the school gates but a proper meeting. The bed wetting and crying are really concerning if they are occurring frequently.

I would also start ringing other local primary schools and find out who has space. Many do, due to falling pupil rolls.

@Fountofwisdom @Inabitofbother Thank you both for your advice and support! You're absolutely right; the class split has been incredibly frustrating.
I've already met with senior teachers about the issues my daughter has been facing, but they were quite dismissive. They don’t see much of a problem since she’s well-behaved in class and her schoolwork is "perfectly adequate"—despite the fact that they’ve put her in booster sessions. They’ve agreed to let her see a Wellbeing Support staff member if the classroom noise becomes too much, but they insist there aren’t any behaviour issues, even though other parents have raised similar concerns.
Our school has recently been rated "Outstanding" too! I’m hoping they mix the classes up again, but I’m not holding my breath. Not really sure what next steps to take.

@Moonnstars My daughter is quite shy and tends to avoid boisterous play, so while there are other children in her class, she struggles to form connections with those who are very different from her. I arrange playdates with children across different classes throughout the year, but unfortunately, that hasn’t translated into stronger friendships in the playground, which makes things tricky.
I’m trying to strike a balance between encouraging her to adapt so she can socialise more easily while ensuring she doesn’t lose confidence or feel like she has to change who she is. It’s really difficult. I don’t want to move schools, as I think it’s important for her to learn how to manage challenging situations. But at the same time, it’s affecting so many aspects of her life that I feel I need to step in—I’m just not sure of the best way to do that without being too heavy-handed.

@NeedToChangeName This is wonderful advice thank you! I will certainly use that as the line of spending time with people that make you feel good. I really want her to trust her feelings and have strong boundaries with people who don't.