Why can’t friends be happy for me?

[makiela]

I really worked on myself last year. Got back on medication, lost some weight, made way more effort with my appearance and clothes, got a new job with a much better salary - I don’t talk about my salary but obviously mentioned the new job.

One friend just seems to have really turned on me. Snide comments, she had a gathering and told a joke at my expense to people I don’t even know to be laughed at.

She used to make a big deal of me not putting myself out there and being more confident. Now I have and she seems to hate me for it.

Seems obvious. Before you "made improvements " you likely made her feel better about herself maybe she earned more money, was slimmer than you etc. Now you damage her self esteem so she tries to knock you down a peg or two.

Completely agree!
Well done, @makiela . You don't need that person's toxicity and they are not a true friend.

I knew purely from the title that this would be about weight loss. No other issue seems to bring false friends out of the closet with such depressing regularity.

It’s time to lose several stone more in useless dead weight - and this time, you won’t even have to go on a diet.

Ahh OP, you will find that some friends like you more when you fill a particular role (e.g. the fat friend) because it makes them feel better about themselves.

I would focus on yourself. Well done on all the hard work you’ve done in so many areas of your life. It’s not easy to change things, be proud of yourself and let anyone who isn’t happy for you go.

That's exactly it. Some people are made to feel strangely insecure by their previously underdog friends suddenly reinventing themselves and living their best life.

@makiela she sounds jealous, surround yourself with people who value and uplift you and not the ones that make it their mission to drag you down.

Well done on all you have achieved xx

Some people keep others around them to make themselves feel better or rather superior. They like being in the 'supportive' role but actually feel threatened when someone is doing really well.

I think you've two choices- either call them out every time they do something nasty or under handed and set new boundaries for the friendship (they'll either adjust accordingly or the friendship will be over), or you ghost them and put plenty of distance in there.

Personally I think she's showing you who she is and what her motivations are and I'd be giving her a wide berth. Anyone can feel envious of their friend's but the way she's acting is not OK.

Because you have done what she yearns to do, you've shown her that action is possible and now you're a daily reminder that she is a failure (possibly). Either that or as someone else suggested us she felt superior, and as she values what you have achieved, she now is inferior and as such hates you for her own inadequacy.

Either way, ditch her and don't look back.

Thank you everyone.

I think it confused me as a while ago we’d had a few drinks and she looked close to tears saying she tells her boyfriend all the time how pretty I am and how I never put myself out there.

So why resent it when I finally?

(I also don’t think I’m pretty and I doubt she does, but no friend is going to call you ugly, I think I’m average and I’m good with that)

Sounds like time to shed this friend. She felt she could keep you in your place before. Now she can’t and she is jealous or threatened by you. The new you doesn’t need or deserve that.

Real friends ARE happy for you; evidently this person isn't a real friend. She's jealous, plain and simple. Take that as a sign you're on the right path.

This
Nasty weak people.

She’s behaving like she hates you. Don’t spend time and energy on someone like that.

Well done on all your positive steps OP 💪🏼

This is what I think too. She’s not jealous she’s annoyed that you’re no longer the hapless friend she can feel a bit smug about “helping”.