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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Why would she think this is ok?

37 replies

GanderingGoose · 10/02/2025 19:10

DD (20 months) and I are stood at the bus stop waiting for bus home after work and nursery pick up. It's pretty chilly here today in the lower single digits but DD is wearing a few layers with a full snow suit over the top and her hat/mittens. DD is jabbering away quite happily when an older lady further down the queue says 'excuse me, just put the hood up on your pram to keep your little one warm'. I agree that it is rather chilly today but my DD is quite snug because she's wearing her layers/snow suit /hat etc. The lady tutted and said that what was I thinking taking her out at this time of day anyway. I mean , what am I supposed to do? Just hibernate away from 4pm each winter? Is this lady just a bit bat shit or was it generally considered more welcome to offer 'advice' to strangers in previous generations.

OP posts:

nellythe · 10/02/2025 19:59

PrincessSakura · 10/02/2025 19:53

How would you describe someone older? The OP didn’t state if the woman was elderly, she just said an older woman, meaning someone older than herself?

Show quote history

Exactly. I took the description to be relevant as it may have been that the woman was perhaps being condescending as she was older than the OP or perhaps from a different generation who did things differently etc etc.

NC10125 · 10/02/2025 20:06

Once when my eldest was a baby I was indoors in the supermarket with her in a sling on a hot sunny day. A complete stranger spent quite a while following me around trying to "tactfully" persuade me to put a sun hat on her. She was a bit offended when I eventually pointed out that we were indoors!

It happens loads when they're little, luckily no one wants to step in by the time they're whiny teenagers!

Greenfencebrowntree · 10/02/2025 20:07

nellythe · 10/02/2025 19:14

You’ll encounter this sort occasionally. I remember a lady making a big song and dance that my daughter didn’t have a coat on in a shop one evening as it was a bit chilly. I offered to go to the car with her and she could try and wrestle my very over tired child into her coat if she felt necessary. She didn’t take me up on it.

I had this happen too! After I'd spent what felt like an eternity trying to persuade my extremely crabby and overtired child to do up her coat, in the freezing cold. "Is she cold?", ventured the concerned lady standing next to us. YES of course she is cold, what do you think, it's subzero, so please by all means try telling her that, and let me know how you get on!

AubernFable · 10/02/2025 20:11

Gall10 · 10/02/2025 19:44

Why have you used the adjective ‘old’?
Why is everyone saying older, elderly, old bay…..I thought we were all supposed to be kind on this board.

Older and elderly are literally nicer ways of saying old, i’m not sure how that could be considered rude or unkind. My elderly grandmother will call her neighbour an ‘old bat’ I don’t think she’s ageist.

RickiRaccoon · 10/02/2025 20:23

I think previous generations didn't have the internet so they did rely on others more to tell them about raising children.

Also, some people (who are almost exclusively over the age of 60) are obsessed with the cold and how it affects them and also how it affects kids they may or may not know. Friends and I experienced random older people in the height of summer saying they needed socks or hats.

JLou08 · 10/02/2025 22:42

Are you young or look younger? I had a baby in my early 20s and got lots of unsolicited advice from older people. Interestingly I had another in my mid 30s and not a single comment has been made.

macaroniandcheeze · 10/02/2025 22:48

Older people are generally more concerned with the cold I have found. I expect it comes from growing up without modern fabrics and garments (snow suit for a baby for instance), plus a lack of double glazing and central heating when they were younger.

My Gran and her sisters (my great aunts) were always worrying about my babies feeling a draught, don’t put him on the floor it’s chilly, why doesn’t he have a coat in the car (unsafe with car seat) etc. the heating would be on full blast to the point i had to remove a layer of my sons clothes when we visited.
I think it comes from a place of kindness and concern but it’s a little outdated that’s all.

Ellepff · 10/02/2025 22:51

Half the mums at the bus stop are like this in my area. Always some advice. After a while I saw they did it to everyone and just started to make an acknowledging noise and move on. I was listening to a podcast a few months ago talking about how if you have a village helping you have to deal with the villagers. And these ones are well meaning, would help me in a heartbeat and I’ll gladly help them.

LillyPJ · 10/02/2025 22:51

Just smile and move away.

AcquadiP · 10/02/2025 22:59

Unfortunately, in any area of life there are people who pipe up uninvited. I once had a couple take issue with me for putting a "coat" on my dog on a hot summer's day. And very indignant they both were until I pointed out that the "coat" was infact a cooling vest!

user2848502016 · 10/02/2025 23:21

You can't win sometimes- I remember being told off for putting the rain cover on my DDs stroller when it was drizzling because "it's only a bit of rain, it won't hurt her"
The older generation are the worst for it

Adropintheocean1 · 10/02/2025 23:40

What is people’s obsession with babies & the cold? It drives me mad, & babies and germs too! Let them live goddamit…

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