Nightmare ex suddenly refusing consent order

[Olalblue]

Hi all,
Feel like crying and looking for some advice. XH is a nasty piece of work and loves making life difficult. We divorced 2 years ago and it cost me thousands in solicitor fees regarding child arrangements as he wouldn’t correspond to my solicitors letters. He also made some nasty false allegations the day after we split which were deemed malicious: I was desperate to divorce and stressed from the whole experience that I have been putting off the financial order (partly due to the cost aswell).

We were getting on amicably until recently and had always agreed we would get a clean break consent order. He is a high earner while I’m on UC (young dc but actively looking for work). We’ve never had joint assets and I want nothing from him. He has racked up credit cards and went on 5-6 holidays a year since splitting. All I want is a clean break order. I am potentially due an inheritance in the future and know fine well he will go for it. He’s often made crass comments saying “oh when you inherit so and sos house I will get half too!”

I recently brung up the clean break/consent order and offered to pay for it (it’s £1600 and he hasn’t spent a penny on any of the divorce). He agreed and I have booked the initial consultation with the solicitor. He has now turned around and said doesn’t want a consent order and won’t respond. He’s also saying I will have to pay for any of his legal fees.

I feel like banging my head against the wall. He will happily watch me suffer. Where do I go from here? Money is very tight and I can’t afford ongoing solicitor fees and for him to piss around again. Should I go directly to mediation and self represent in court? How much did you spend if you went down this route and how long did it take?

Any advice from anyone would be appreciated!

Wow he sounds like a piece of work... is there anyway that you can get the inheritance ring-fenced in some way, or given to someone else in the family and left in trust for you? It does sound like he wants to cause you the most amount of pain and hassle😔😔

Surely you just go back and say - you have two options XH, accept this version of the consent order with me paying for it, or I will go for a full 50/50 split and given your high earnings will also seek spousal maintenance. I expect to hear from you with approval of this version within 7 days or I will instruct my solicitor to begin the process to take everything I am legally entitled to

Threaten to take 50% of his pension and everything else he has.

As pp said, tell him you will go for child maintenance, spousal support and half of his pension.
see if he finds that funny

Thanks both! I will go to the initial consultation with the solicitor and see what they say regarding the inheritance issue. I think he is trying to dig his heels in the hopes it won’t get sorted and an inheritance will come through in the mean time.

@CuriousGeorge80 thats a great response I will try it. The only thing is I don’t think he’s contributing into his pension as he often said he only plans on staying in the country until he has his British passport as he will get a well paid job back in his home country with a British passport (he used me for a visa looking back but that’s another story!). Definitely worth try though!

Thought that inheritance was protected from shithead ex's

Google:
In most cases, inheritance is considered a non-matrimonial asset in a divorce, meaning it is generally not included in the marital pot of assets to be divided between spouses; however, depending on the circumstances and the court's interpretation, it could be considered in certain situations, particularly if the marital assets are insufficient to meet the needs of both parties.
Key points about inheritance in divorce:
Non-marital asset:
Inheritance is typically treated as a non-marital asset because it is acquired outside of the marriage and not generated by the marital partnership.
Keeping it separate:
To maintain the non-marital status of an inheritance, it's advisable to keep inherited funds separate from marital assets.

@toomuchfaff thats great news, I hope so! One other thing which is worrying me is if they’ll make me give him half of my savings? I only have 6k which will be considerably less once I’ve paid for the solicitor and court fees. Meanwhile he has splashed his cash maxing out credit cards and on holidays.

if they make you give him half of your stuff, then half of his is up for grabs as mentioned by many... pension, spousal support, etc.

But, Google if there is any way to exempt your savings, we're they pre marital? Can you send them anywhere to anyone you trust? Not sure.

You definitely need legal advice because the split you were proposing was far more advantageous to him than to you where he is earning well... I think the court can look at his spending since the time of the split as being money he has dissipated from the marital pot but you need advice on this!

Thanks all for your advice 😊He just replied “good luck with that” when I’ve told him I will be booking mediation and applying to court seeing as he won’t accept the consent order.

Where do I go from here if he doesn’t reply regarding mediation? 😫 Do I just book mediation and then if he doesn’t turn up will they give me the paperwork to go to court after the first session?

Can hardly sleep and have a baby and 3yo to look after. Really don’t need this bloody stress! Sorry for venting!

With kindness, Mumsnet probably isn’t the place you should be asking those questions. Spend some of your money speaking to a solicitor who specialises in divorce.

@LlamaDharma I have an appointment booked for Thursday so will hopefully get some answers. 😊