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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It's a Will one!

20 replies

WillsandInheritance · 10/02/2025 16:11

Name change for this,

More a WWYD? If you're a single parent, what do you have in place to protect your kid/s should you pass away before they're adults? Does everything go to your children?

I'm redoing my will/'what to do if I'm hit by a bus' folder at the moment. Hopefully it's all hypothetical as I'm still pretty young! But I have quite a bit of anxiety around it. I have 1 DC in primary school, who will go to my best friend if anything happens (she's okay with this!)

I'm lucky enough to be a high earner and there's a fair pool of assets between savings/investments/house equity/life insurance/pension payouts. I've siphoned off enough for a chunky contribution towards living costs (bestie owns her own house outright and wouldn't want to move), as well as private school fees if needed (though he's currently thriving in State school), driving lesson/first car/uni/house deposit funds.

I still have a decent chunk left to 'play' with - and I'm debating what to do with it.

A) Leave it to my sister. She works her arse off in a care home for minimum wage and it could enable her to buy a small flat outright and stop living on the breadline. Downside is it may cause family feuds if left to her and not anyone else.

B) Split it amongst all 4 of my siblings/parents (all of whom are completely broke) - downside is it wouldn't really be enough to do much with and everyone bar my sister is TERRIBLE with money. I can see it all going on expensive gaming systems/holidays. Upside is no family WW3.

C) I'm being crazy and should just leave it to DS and he'll have a bigger pot when he's older.

D) Another option? Charities? I do have a nephew but don't want to open that rabbit hole in case there are further nieces/nephews born who'd miss out.

Understand I'm in a hugely privileged position and this probably doesn't need as much thought as I'm giving it. Originally I thought writing my sister in would be the kind thing to do but am now panicking it might do more harm than good. I'm the only one in the family with a good salary/assets so people won't inherit elsewhere.

OP posts:
CatherinedeBourgh · 10/02/2025 16:15

Leave it all to your ds.

If he gets it when he is young, he has lost his mother and support system.

If he gets it when he is older, it might enable him to step back when he has dc in their early years.

You can tie it into a trust which he can only access at a particular age if you so wish.

Catza · 10/02/2025 16:17

Here is my thinking - I'll be dead. Should family fall out over my decision, I will be dead so it affects me not a single bit. Do what feels right. Nobody can dictate what you do with your money. Your child will automatically inherit everything (assuming there is no spouse at the time of death) and that's what most people would do to keep things simple.

2025willbemytime · 10/02/2025 16:19

All to your son. Obviously.

Peacecanbe · 10/02/2025 16:22

Water flows downhill. Leave it to your son.

DilemmaDelilah · 10/02/2025 16:25

All to your son, with provision that if you shuffle off this mortal coil while he is a child it goes into a trust from which your friend can take expenses for him.

lateatwork · 10/02/2025 16:27

Speak to a financial advisor.

Lots can be eaten up in inheritance tax- so you need to plan and get your investments to work for you and, if you die, your son.

I would do everything to your son and to the care of your son.

What about their dad btw?

Zilla1 · 10/02/2025 16:39

Who would be the trustee(s) and comprehensive thoughts (instructions) for trustee might bear significant thought.

olderbutwiser · 10/02/2025 16:42

Either all to your son, or most to you son with a bit to your good sibling. You won't be there to witness WW3.

DisforDarkChocolate · 10/02/2025 16:42

Secretly buy a flat suitable for the nice sister and rent it to her at a ridiculously low price. I'm assuming she's the one who would be more supportive of your child than the others.

Original poster
WillsandInheritance · 10/02/2025 16:43

lateatwork · 10/02/2025 16:27

Speak to a financial advisor.

Lots can be eaten up in inheritance tax- so you need to plan and get your investments to work for you and, if you die, your son.

I would do everything to your son and to the care of your son.

What about their dad btw?

Oh he's not in the picture by choice. Also not on birth certificate and has shown 0 interest so I don't think that'll be an issue!

OP posts:
Original poster
WillsandInheritance · 10/02/2025 16:44

Thanks all. I suppose it should all go to DS I just get wrapped up in my own head sometimes 😅

OP posts:
Original poster
WillsandInheritance · 10/02/2025 16:45

Zilla1 · 10/02/2025 16:39

Who would be the trustee(s) and comprehensive thoughts (instructions) for trustee might bear significant thought.

This is also a good point! Previously it was my best friend, still probably will be and definitely don't want her dealing with issues from my family/for it to be too messy.

OP posts:
bebopalula111 · 10/02/2025 16:50

I set up a guardianship clause in my will should anything happen to both of us where our daughter would go.
I was advised this by my solicitor.

Check with your pension provider they should be able to allow you to set up your son as a beneficiary upon death and will set up a trust where it can be held.

I have 2 pensions and only one allowed this though.

Or you could set up the trust fund yourself and register it with all your policies

Zilla1 · 10/02/2025 16:50

If there's any scope for trouble from your family or anyone tries to say they should look after your DC against your wishes then some honest reasons why you have made your decisions (equivalent to what a wise person uses to back up their will if someone who would otherwise be expected to inherit is disinherited [not needed here if you make provision for your DC]) might provide useful ammunition for your trustees. Hopefully you'll not need to have these made use of.

Good luck.

MuggleMe · 10/02/2025 16:57

I'd be inclined to offer a small amount to siblings. Your sister will be grateful and spend it appropriately, your other siblings will waste it but it's a way to benefit your sister without causing ww3

rookiemere · 10/02/2025 17:18

I would leave it all to your DS. Keeps things simple and he is the logical beneficiary.

Clarice99 · 10/02/2025 17:21

Another vote for option C, your son.

ExtraOnions · 10/02/2025 17:24

You need to speak to a financial advisor who specialises in this area. If you do die earlier, whoever looks after your child will probably need access to some finances.

thiswilloutme · 11/02/2025 11:15

You cannot leave a child to anyone - and the assumption will always be that family is best.

If there is a substantial amount of money involved then your relatives may actually fight to get your DS.

My friend was in a similar situation- her DS was to came to us, but she got really good legal advice when drawing up her will and did a document stating why him coming to us would be better than going to her (batshit) parents. If it had happened they could still have argued they were better suited but her document would have at least made her thinking clear. Her DS pretty much grew up with mine and they saw each other as sibling/ cousins - spent birthdays and Christmas together etc.

Get legal advice

quarterofanonion · 11/02/2025 11:22

Also get Lasting Powers of Attorney sorted out while you are on this planning project. We're doing ours just now. Martin Lewis has mentioned he thinks they are even more important than a will.

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