Can someone tell me if this is a common occurrence on OLD?

[Elisaismyusername]

I signed up for online dating. Matched with a bunch of people, which was nice then it kept going down as conversation went on and dried out.

I did keep on messaging with a few and started arranging dates.

There was one man I really fancied. He ticked a lot of boxes, lots of similarities, lives close by and I was genuinely interested in meeting him.
We had very long back and forth messages to the point where it’s extremely easy to find him on social media etc. I kept my details closer to my chest, whilst still being open and talkative but don’t give out a lot of personal stuff to a stranger.

Messages were long and back and forth although with a day/ day and a half between them.

At some point I asked him if he was ever going to suggest to meet up. Which he joked off and reassured that he wanted to and suggested some simple date options. Asked for days, places etc that would work… We had a few messages discussing this but never firmly arranged anything. We were thinking of meeting the weekend just gone…

he didn’t reply to my last message and I haven’t heard from him a a few days now.

Im just genuinely unsure what happened and whilst I realise I most likely will never know I wonder if this happens a lot?

I was soo excited just to meet him and see if we click.

ps definitely not a catfish. I know that his last relationship was a long term one and share a young child.

This post is mostly just to write it out but I do realise that I am just going to let it go… it’s just so odd, I thought I was good at reading men.

He didn't have any intention to meet up and was just looking for the validation of messaging with someone. A very very common occurrence in OLD unfortunately!

Really?!

Why do people do this… baffles me🙄

I think your strategy is wrong. Don't wait for them to ask to meet up. Arrange it yourself and as quickly as possible. I wouldn't spend more than 3-4 days chatting online without a firm plan of action. Aside from one guy who stood me up (which I found utterly hilarious), this strategy works 100% of the time and cuts out time-wasters.

Some people just want attention on their phones and an ego boost. It’s very common.

I asked him if he was ever going to suggest to meet up.
Why on earth would you do this rather than just asking him to meet up yourself??

Maybe he was messing you around, maybe he got tired of you waiting around for him to initiate and arrange things, maybe he had a better option. But there are a lot of flakey people, people just looking for attention rather than to meet, or people who are married and duck out when it comes down to it, so you do need to have a thick skin and expect that a certain amount will just drop for no reason.

Messages were long and back and forth although with a day/ day and a half between them.
Usual advice is to arrange a simple date very quickly. Don't spend long chatting first, certainly not this long.

Unfortunately lots of men who aren't single enjoy doing this. The thrill of the could I?....

Sorry op it's rubbish but no reflection on you.

sadly, yes it happens - often, as others have said, dont get into long protracted conversations, some people just use OLD to chat to people. Get a meet organised - a coffee and chat was my go to, that way I could sense if there was a spark, flowing conversation and I could get to know them better.

@Elisaismyusername as an ego boost maybe? Without any committment or requirement to take it any further at all.

Another key question whyyyyyyy do people quote the entire op - its so weird, particularly when its on the first page of a thread. Even more unfathomable when its the first comment. Makes no sense at all to me.

He was looking for a quick hook up, not a date! He will have been messaging back and forth to check your tone and personality, to see if he could get away with suggesting it no doubt! And men on OLD are like kids in sweet shops, even while they're messaging you, someone else will have caught their attention! Probably the same time!

If I ever split from DH, there is absolutely no way I'd do OLD! I've heard enough horror stories to curl all our toes from my best friend who is doing it! No thanks!

If it's any help, it bugs me when I do it, it's easy to forget you don't need to press quote to reply to an OP

Sometimes I think people just enjoy chatting and flirting, because it makes them feel attractive, but they don't actually want to date anyone. Could be boredom, could be that they're actually married and want a bit of excitement without actually cheating, could just be low self-esteem, could be that they're well able to chat via messages but crippingly shy/anxious face-to-face.

I agree with @Catza Dont waste time texting them, get a coffee date organised first. You could click over text but not have real life chemistry. There’s no point spending weeks on lovely text messages that go nowhere

Yes, it's a bear pit. I'm a good dater, chatty, attractive (that's filters and good lightning) open to talking etc. It was probably easier when I was younger - I'm in a relationship now - but there are SO MANY people who don't actually want to date. They just want validation, are bored, temporarily insane, hung up on the ex etc. In all my time I only found a few there was a genuine mutual connection where the person actually wanted a relationship. One I found on the first week of re-dating! One I found 11 months in. That's the thing. It's so much to do with luck. But, I will say I did overlook red flags because it was so hard and I was so despondent. Don't be me. And there are some people. Good luck. Take breaks if it gets too disheartening.

And, honestly, I've probably done the same to men. Just out a relationship. Panicked. Gone online. But not really ready for it. Or just found things overwhelming. You've got to be in the right headspace to date - bear that in mind, it's often no reflection of the people they're talking to.

Please don’t quote the OP on the first page, especially first post in. It’s obvious who you’re replying to and it’s really annoying having to scroll through it after having read it.

Thank you all! I’m new ish to online dating. And if I’m honest all I want is going on fun dates. Not set on wanting a relationship although if it leads to that that’s great.

We weren’t texting for that long. Maybe a week or so, I don’t think that a very long time… but texts were long messages as in not 2/3 work answers but proper messages with thoughts and genuine interest (or what I thought it was) He also mentioned about 2/3 times that he is definitely up for meeting.

anyhow, thanks for the advice everyone xxx