To stop doing this stuff for my kids?!

[stucky]

My DSs are 14 and 23. I am currently in the final year of my degree and am absolutely exhausted. I did explain to the boys that I would need additional help and understanding for the next 6 months and that they would need to help more around the house. All fine or so I thought.

I have only asked them to do the bins on bin night, the washing up every other day and just tidy up after themselves. Once in a while to cook tea, hoover and keep the lounge fairly tidy. No big jobs. Nothing more than 10 mins or so bar the cooking. I have fibromyalgia and am just struggling to manage all the stressors, I'm currently in the middle of a flare up and in quite a lot of pain.

I lost it this weekend, after a month of having to repeatedly ask them to do these menial tasks I've told them I'm absolutely clocking off. They can do their own washing etc as I am not their maid. I honestly wouldn't usually mind but I am so overwhelmed and just feel they are old enough to help out! Is this unreasonable?

No.
What is unreasonable is that you have been doing this for years for your 23 year old. Did you ever hand over responsibility to him for anything in the home?

14 and 23 are very different.

Yes, he is responsible for washing up, putting clothes away and cooking for his brother when I am late home from placement.

And what happens when he doesn’t do these chores?

Your 23 son is not a child, stop asking him to do his share and start telling him. If he can't be an adult and pull his weight then maybe he needs to leave. Whilst you are at it, tell the teen to get off his backside and bloody well help you or you stop paying his phone bill and pocket money. Their future partners won't thank you for raising bone idle lumps that think they have a housekeeper.

You will have to help the 14 yo sort things buy the 24 yo you should get things done and be a grown up in the household. Both should do their parts.

You do your 23 year olds washing?! I'd stop the 14 year olds too.

They should be able to do this. Agree exact days/times and tell them to set an alarm on their phones . They may need your help to organise themselves if they aren’t used to doing it.

Obviously you are reasonable.

Best way to organise it in my experience is that they are responsible for their own washing and keeping their own bedroom (and en suite if they have one) clean and cooking their own food.

Focuses a few minds.

The 23 year old is an adult so you don't need to do a single thing for them. The 14 year old is definitely old enough to be helping with dishes and housework.

YANBU.

Stop every single thing you do for them.

They can earn help back by doing laundry, doing the washing up on a weekly basis (each one does one week straight), hoovering, cleaning the bathroom (each one does one week straight), taking out the bins, mopping the kitchen floor, their own laundry, and all the rest of the chores that have to be done.

Change the wifi password for the next week and tell them they can earn broadband privileges by doing their chores.

If they dig in and resist, confiscate any phones or gaming equipment you paid for.

The 23 year old should also be paying rent if he is working.

The 23 year old has far too little responsibility around the home.

I shudder to think he will one day be chatting up some unsuspecting young woman.

You shouldn't be treating your 14 yo and your 23yo the same.
23yo should be doing all his own washing and his own spaces and contributing st least 1/3rd of the other household tasks.
14 YO should certainly be pulling his weight but ultimately he Is still a child and therefor is your responsibility.

Why haven't you told the 23 year old man to move out?

14 year old may be more inclined to pull his weight when his lazy older brother isn't around to influence the expectations that you will do it until he's in his 20s.

I did explain to the boys

One is a teenager and the other is a man, neither are ‘boys’.