To be angry about being exposed to scabies

Trainr · 09/02/2025 15:09

Why did you wash everything? It’s spread through skin to skin contact. As long as you don’t rub up against their bare skin with your bare skin you should be fine. Scabies can’t live outside the body, it needs skin to survive. My sister had it and didn’t even manage to pass it on to her husband or children.

I think you are being a bit over the top, if you had just followed the guidelines you wouldn’t have needed to create all this unnecessary work for yourself or cancel your meeting. I’m surprised your husband didn’t say anything, I’d be a bit annoyed if I was him.

Rubyupbeat · 09/02/2025 15:22

Trainr · 09/02/2025 15:09

Why did you wash everything? It’s spread through skin to skin contact. As long as you don’t rub up against their bare skin with your bare skin you should be fine. Scabies can’t live outside the body, it needs skin to survive. My sister had it and didn’t even manage to pass it on to her husband or children.

I think you are being a bit over the top, if you had just followed the guidelines you wouldn’t have needed to create all this unnecessary work for yourself or cancel your meeting. I’m surprised your husband didn’t say anything, I’d be a bit annoyed if I was him.

You can actually catch scabies from sharing linen, towels etc. And at nursery it gets passed on through sand too.

As for OP, I think you are being over dramatic and harsh on your step kids.

Snowmanscarf · 09/02/2025 15:26

I’d be annoyed as well (and not just with scabies, but any infectious/contagious illness).

Marshbird · 09/02/2025 15:41

Trainr · 09/02/2025 15:09

Why did you wash everything? It’s spread through skin to skin contact. As long as you don’t rub up against their bare skin with your bare skin you should be fine. Scabies can’t live outside the body, it needs skin to survive. My sister had it and didn’t even manage to pass it on to her husband or children.

I think you are being a bit over the top, if you had just followed the guidelines you wouldn’t have needed to create all this unnecessary work for yourself or cancel your meeting. I’m surprised your husband didn’t say anything, I’d be a bit annoyed if I was him.

Because this is the standard advice!

it takes 24-48 hpur# for the mites to die on bedsheets and clothes. Therefore if you keep using without washing you’re in a cycle of reinfecting from skin to sheets etc.

the mites are passed on form contact skin to skin. Parents to adult children and then with another child in a house is a fairly easy route given the clos3 contact of thos3 relationships.

whislt the risk might be judged as small, there are some people, like me who would not risk it and follow the advice given to wash everything . Why wouldn’t you? Especially with a child with eczema - that in itself can cause major skin infections, add scabies to that mix and it ain’t going to be pretty.

Marshbird · 09/02/2025 16:01

AmberHiker · 09/02/2025 14:43

Really want to know if I’m wrong to feel like this. Husbands adult children ( 20/21) recently visited had made it known to us after that they in fact had scabies . One was clawing her skin to death on the did and just had shingles 12 weeks ago which seems odd of me in itself that you would have two infections like this is 3 months ..

because they had been to the house it created a lot of work for me in washing all the household things they had sat on /used . I had to rearrange a important meeting at the house due to the sofa being stripped and boil washed on top of this I had to treat my self husband did too and my we have a little boy who has severe skin issues already so I’ve had to beg the gp for a tablet as his skin cannot tolerate cream

I asked them to let me know once they visited the doctors if it was for sure scabies so I knew what I needed to do and they didn’t . Neither called it texted despite saying they would in the end my husband had to call them to get confirmation

I was quite rightly annoyed with the lack of confirmation effort when they know about their little brothers skin and imo it was rude . I said to my husband he should point that out and point out how visiting us with scabies caused me a lot more work In the house and a cancelled meeting . He refused to say a word

am I wrong ? I’m 42 never dealt with this never known anyone who has and it’s made me feel violated to be honest . Worst of all we have to wait 2-6 weeks to see if we have it . Regardless all the preventive work had to be done

I feel disrespected

Op , I’d normally be with you…but I’ve seen what my adult DB has just been through …

so back in autumn he had the most horrendous skin rash and itching. First doctor said it was stress related, (he’d just had so,e bad news), prescribed antihistamines, he then ended up in out of hours surgery where he was told he got scabies and that there was a lot of acabies epidemic about . He lives on his own so had to (on top of this stress and his sleeplessness form intens3 rash and itching,wash everything over the towel week cycle they say and treat himself. He then, we now know had a massive reaction to the treatment, ended up back in A&E With massive leg swelling, being tested for DVT and cellulitis. Doctors there said it was “strange” previous doctors said it was scabies as didn’t look like it. 2 months later so,one els3 said scabies agian, then it was immunocompromised skin reaction, and then finally they’ve been treating as eczema with hydrocortisone- taking steroids tablets is only thing that’s helped, but cream is helping until he stops it when skin breaks out agian.

point is that too many GPs and doctors are not very good at diagnosing skin condition. There are not enough dermatologists (DB has only had his GP talk to dermatologist over phone, he’s never seen one yet despite pleading) . He’s had 2 Doctors come out with scabies as it’s a big problem just now- at epidemic proportions in some areas

yes, they should have asked before turning up. Very disrespectful if they knew before hand. But as for updating you becuase you’re demanding absolute proof, it’s unlikely they’ll know, or ver know, or get GPs appointment to find out. And at end of day it makes no difference to outcome for you and DS . If they did hav3 scabies, and they might not, then there’s a chance thst yes over next 3 weeks you’ll see the signs. You’ve done best you can in washing everything. I would have got DH to do all thst slog personally and told him if he didn’t like it to talk to his kids about potential infectious control as a lessons learnt. But it’s done now and there ain’t much you can do but keep your fingers crossed.

I’d just pojt out one mor3 thing. Even at 20/21 they’re still going through brain development. Inhibition and avoidance of risk is one of last bits of brain to develop right up to 25 we now know. Kids of 20/21 can be arrogant pricks, self centred, ill thinking, and risk takers , and impe of my own two (now 27/30) a long way form being d3cently human. Thankfully they now are . But please dont make this a bridge to burn or a grudge to hold. They made a bad error of judgment, they screwed up. And you (as mums always do) are the one pickin* up the fallout.

yep, your DH has shirked his part of being a parent and giving them the parenteral lecture on their stupidity, risk taking and putting some future rules in place to talk to him/you before descending with lurgies, plagues, or creepy crawlies to spread to all and sundry. Give him a bollocking amd say he needs to step up, and that he needs to do something nice for you for dumping all the fallout of washing etc on you.

hope that you don’t get infected btw…not nice if little one already has skin issues.

Longtimelurkerfinallyposts · 09/02/2025 16:12

do you know if the one who was scratching themselves had already treated it at that point or not?
one of the problem with scabies is that the mites are pretty much invisible. and the anti-scabies cream can cause intense itching, just as bad as the reaction to the mites' excrement, so it can be hard for anyone, even a doctor, to know for sure if the treatment has worked successfully.
it's a stressful pain to deal with, so you have my sympathy either way.

MonaLisaDoesntSmile · 09/02/2025 16:14

It's crap they didnt even bother to go to GP and confirm with you, I'm with you OP.

Original poster

AmberHiker · 09/02/2025 16:17

To clarify she has been scratching for an about week before their visit the other one had a rash on her stomach they commented their mother thought it might be bed bugs . After their visit they texted me to say oh by the way we suspect it’s scabies as to why we been scratching so much. The next morninf they went to the gp who confirmed it they went home with their mum to start cleaning and treatment and didn’t bother to let me know it was for sure ( had agreed to on text ‘ we will let you know as soon as our if doctors ) same daughter had shingles late October scabies January. Yes our son has severe excema .

OP posts:

3LittleFishes · 09/02/2025 16:51

Marshbird · 09/02/2025 16:01

Op , I’d normally be with you…but I’ve seen what my adult DB has just been through …

so back in autumn he had the most horrendous skin rash and itching. First doctor said it was stress related, (he’d just had so,e bad news), prescribed antihistamines, he then ended up in out of hours surgery where he was told he got scabies and that there was a lot of acabies epidemic about . He lives on his own so had to (on top of this stress and his sleeplessness form intens3 rash and itching,wash everything over the towel week cycle they say and treat himself. He then, we now know had a massive reaction to the treatment, ended up back in A&E With massive leg swelling, being tested for DVT and cellulitis. Doctors there said it was “strange” previous doctors said it was scabies as didn’t look like it. 2 months later so,one els3 said scabies agian, then it was immunocompromised skin reaction, and then finally they’ve been treating as eczema with hydrocortisone- taking steroids tablets is only thing that’s helped, but cream is helping until he stops it when skin breaks out agian.

point is that too many GPs and doctors are not very good at diagnosing skin condition. There are not enough dermatologists (DB has only had his GP talk to dermatologist over phone, he’s never seen one yet despite pleading) . He’s had 2 Doctors come out with scabies as it’s a big problem just now- at epidemic proportions in some areas

yes, they should have asked before turning up. Very disrespectful if they knew before hand. But as for updating you becuase you’re demanding absolute proof, it’s unlikely they’ll know, or ver know, or get GPs appointment to find out. And at end of day it makes no difference to outcome for you and DS . If they did hav3 scabies, and they might not, then there’s a chance thst yes over next 3 weeks you’ll see the signs. You’ve done best you can in washing everything. I would have got DH to do all thst slog personally and told him if he didn’t like it to talk to his kids about potential infectious control as a lessons learnt. But it’s done now and there ain’t much you can do but keep your fingers crossed.

I’d just pojt out one mor3 thing. Even at 20/21 they’re still going through brain development. Inhibition and avoidance of risk is one of last bits of brain to develop right up to 25 we now know. Kids of 20/21 can be arrogant pricks, self centred, ill thinking, and risk takers , and impe of my own two (now 27/30) a long way form being d3cently human. Thankfully they now are . But please dont make this a bridge to burn or a grudge to hold. They made a bad error of judgment, they screwed up. And you (as mums always do) are the one pickin* up the fallout.

yep, your DH has shirked his part of being a parent and giving them the parenteral lecture on their stupidity, risk taking and putting some future rules in place to talk to him/you before descending with lurgies, plagues, or creepy crawlies to spread to all and sundry. Give him a bollocking amd say he needs to step up, and that he needs to do something nice for you for dumping all the fallout of washing etc on you.

hope that you don’t get infected btw…not nice if little one already has skin issues.

Show quote history

Oh please, I am completely sick of this 'brain doesn't fully develop until 25' bollocks being used as an excuse for poor behaviour by adults.
I had my first child just after my 23rd birthday, I ran a home whilst working full time and bringing them up to be the brilliant adult they are today.
If the brain isn't fully developed until 25 then surely laws need changing, anything that is currently allowed at 18 should be changed to 25!
This would include the way we treat males that commit rape etc as they wouldn't be able to be treated as an adult by law until their brain had developed sufficiently, perhaps we couldn't judge them at all as they couldn't possibly know what they were doing is wrong at age 24 & 11 months?
Obviously you wouldn't be allowed to take any loans, car finance or a mortgage until your 25th birthday because legally you are a child and so still in education and unemployable.

OP's step kids are old enough to know that anything contagious should be kept away from everyone else. To have gone into the home of a child with an existing skin condition is childish and selfish. Their dad should be reading them the riot act.

Funykeudfh · 09/02/2025 16:55

Scabies?! Gross. What a couple of dirty dossers. Wouldn't be welcome back at my house.

Trainr · 09/02/2025 18:02

You don’t get scabies from being dirty. They were visiting your house not rubbing themselves all over your towels and bedding. Yes, nursery is different as children are constantly touching each other. I doubt a couple of 20yr olds are playing in a sandpit all together. It’s not the standard advice to do all that if you have visitors with scabies.

Original poster

AmberHiker · 09/02/2025 18:48

Trainr · 09/02/2025 18:02

You don’t get scabies from being dirty. They were visiting your house not rubbing themselves all over your towels and bedding. Yes, nursery is different as children are constantly touching each other. I doubt a couple of 20yr olds are playing in a sandpit all together. It’s not the standard advice to do all that if you have visitors with scabies.

Well sorry I will listen to the gp who agreed with me it’s gross told me to wash at a minimum 50/60 all soft furnishings clothing things like towels and to go ahead and treat the whole household. Scabies is very very contagious. Fact.

I think I’m pissed off at all the extra hassle it put my way for a couple of young women who couldn’t even be bothered to say sorry it is confirmed as scabies. I’m also annoyed their dad was happy to watch me do all the ground work of treating the house but didn’t have the balls to say that it was out of order maybe next time be upfront before you enter the home when you know your brother has a serious skin condition that’s hard enough as it is to manage .

OP posts:

Trainr · 09/02/2025 18:50

You need to get a new GP. That’s not the advice the NHS give. As for saying it’s ’gross’ it’s unprofessional and misleading.

Seeline · 09/02/2025 19:06

I don't understand your comments about shingles and scabies - what point are you trying to make?
Shingles is a reactivation of the chicken pox virus and is usually painful rather than itchy.
Scabies is not caught due to being dirty either.

ocelot3 · 09/02/2025 21:07

From what I hear it’s running rampant through many unis at the moment. I know someone who has caught it through flatmates, more than once, and also has dreadful eczema - he’s really suffered - so you are right to be concerned. When he spoke to his dermatologist she said (which shocked me) ‘well it’s everywhere right now - we’ve all had it’. So yes it’s annoying they didn’t mention it, but I don’t think it’s because they’ve been being particularly dirty or unhygienic, or that their behaviour is likely to be any different to ours was in the past at that age anyway.