Feeling disappointed by baby’s father behavior

[Homebirthmama]

Dear Mamas,

I would love to hear how you feel about your partner’s behavior since your baby was born.

I heard that new dads can find the first months quite challenging, I.e. feeling neglected by their partners, not quite knowing how to relate to the tiny newborns who mostly needs their mum. My husband was so looking forward to the birth of our baby, who frankly is a dream ( feeds a lot, doesn’t cry much) and he had 6 weeks paternity leave to enjoy it. Having to suddenly become the one who cooks and clean and is constantly asked to do things for me or hold the baby when I shower didn’t seems to give him any joy( always acted stressed) . He looks always lieo he’s doing me the biggest favor and resentful and ready to snap. The house is a total mess and he can only cook simple things like eggs, so he’s really just warming up food that friends made for us, but acts like it’s such a big deal. It seams that he feels unappreciated, even if I thank him constantly. The other day he shouted at me because I brushed some crumbs off the couch on the floor he hoovered that day - as I set quickly because the baby was crying and I needed to feed him ( I’m breastfeeding and we’re not using a bottle yet, so I’m the only one waking up up to 8 times during the night and the sleep deprivation is real) - so he started shouting at me while I was holding our crying baby and I felts so deeply angry and disappointed. I tried to respond calmly but he kept shouting so I told him to fuck off ( we never say this to each other but he was shouting while I was holding our baby and I really meant it). well, he lost it, started shouting even more and would not leave the room, saying things like “ you will respect me” ( never did this before). He didn’t stop until I cried and then he was sorry and apologized. But something in me broke, with the awareness that he is not able to control his anger even with our baby in my arms. After this event I feel really low and don’t expect anything from him. I actually ironically lost a lot of respect for him. I feel like I leave with a big baby who’s ego is very fragile and he will go for a tantrum if I make the mistake to express my anger or appear ungrateful. I don’t think it’s right to say fuck off to your partner, but how would your respond to be shouted at while sleep deprived and while holding your 5 weeks old crying baby?

would love to hear your thoughts and your experience of your partners. Thank you mamas.

I can't believe how many of you are defending this arsehole of a man! He is DISGUSTING! How dare he tell his wife, who has just given birth to their child, that 'she will respect him' in this day and age! I too would have told him to fuck off OP, the only difference being, I would have added the words 'and don't come back!'

If however you're prepared to give him a chance to redeem himself, I would be sitting him down, and telling him that you are supposed to be a partnership. He chose to make you pregnant, and become a father, and he therefore needs to do his fair share of the housework and cooking, and for as long as you are BF, he needs to be pulling his weight with other things.

The only example of poor behaviour I had with my DH, was that on the first Saturday morning after coming home from hospital, he sulked when I left him in bed alone, while I went to go and feed our baby. He'd been used to us having a lay in, and sex prior to baby's arrival, and couldn't seem to get his head around the fact that the baby's needs were more important than his. I explained to him that our LO was TOTALLY dependent upon me, where as he was a grown up, and perfectly capable of looking after himself, and even taking himself in hand if sex was so important to him, but for the foreseeable future our child's needs would come before his, and he would have to accept it. He thought about it for all of 2 minutes, apologised, and never complained again.

I really hope that you can sort this out OP, but in all honesty there is NO excuse for the way your DH is behaving.