To feel I can't communicate with dd's father anymore

[Catontoof]

It feels completely one way with him ignoring us for days if he feels like it but he will go mad if we don't respond (because this impacts his contact)

dd is 14 and says she doesn't love him there's a whole big history but in short he hasn't always prioritised her and is quite a selfish person although he does love her and has always reached out and wanted contact. He has on many occasions prioritised his social life though.
dd also tells me many messages are constructed and overseen by his wife.

recently dd was unwell didn't go
then last week my car wasn't working and she was due to go. I said he'd need to drop her he said he can't as he is drinking it was a birthday (not his) then left me on delivered until Thursday

then decided yesterday to ask dd to see her when she had plans. This is where I get annoyed as he then starts expecting us to change stuff which I stupidly try and accomodate. But I'm really unwell as is my mother who is in hospital. Oh sent a long email explaining this and why I can't do lifts. No response
I just feel like I can't take the stress of it anymore and don't want to communicate or have the stress of having to communicate anymore

She is 14 you can stop now

Sorry but she's still a minor and it's still your job to facilitate this. There's nothing wrong with you setting your boundaries about pickups/drop offs etc as you have been doing, but you can't just stop contact altogether. That can be your daughter's decision when she's old enough to make that for herself.

She's old enough to decide for herself at 14.

While she is old enough to decide how she wants to spend her time, it shouldn’t be her responsibility to navigate communication between her parents. It isn’t her fault that her parents struggle to discuss simple logistical details.

What contact would your DD like?

If it's one Saturday per month agreed in advance then tell him that and that he needs to do the pick up & drop off.

Grey rock response/messages.

DD has said she'd like to see you the 1st Saturday of each month 10am-6pm. You'll need to pick up and drop off. Please DD & I know if it's not convenient to you.

And repeat. It's up to DD if she's willing to offer alternate dates. DD could have a shared calendar with him so he can see when she already has plans and can't swap/go extra?