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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave a group chat?

34 replies

5599katherine · 09/02/2025 09:47

Im in a group chat with a group of ladies. Every time I ask if anyone wants to do something, everyone is always busy and has plans. No one has families or children but generally just busy or whatever. Im fed up of asking and then just getting a list of no, sorry, cant messages. Should I just leave and stop trying or am i being childish?

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 09/02/2025 09:54

What is the purpose of the chat?💬

Original poster
5599katherine · 09/02/2025 09:55

Make plans

OP posts:
Needspaceforlego · 09/02/2025 09:56

I maybe wouldn't leave it. But id probably just ignore it.

How long have you known the people in it?

EggshellAttic · 09/02/2025 09:57

But who are these people? Are they your friends? Why not make plans with different friends not in the chat group, if the ones in the grou aren’t interested in whatever you’re proposing?

Vanillalime · 09/02/2025 09:57

What else goes on in the group chat? Do people chat about work, hobbies, family etc or is it just there to arrange meet ups?

if it’s an active chat and the only issue is that people don’t have time to meet up then I probably wouldn’t leave it, but would just stop trying to arrange for people to meet.

Original poster
5599katherine · 09/02/2025 09:57

3 years

OP posts:
Brenzett · 09/02/2025 09:58

I’ve voted YANBU OP because I think you have a better idea than any of us if the group is a good thing in your life or not. If you’re already thinking you want to leave - then it’s not a good thing

Starlightstarbright4 · 09/02/2025 09:58

I guess it depends on who it is ..

you can always stop asking . Is there chat on there otherwise .

we have a group that works better when there are a poll of dates

SpringBunnyHopHop · 09/02/2025 10:00

I wouldn’t leave but I would mute it for now and not ask them again.

FrannyScraps · 09/02/2025 10:01

I mean, if your answer here are anything like your messages I can see why!

Is there a reason you're being so short and spikey when people are chatting to you and asking questions?

SurelySmartie · 09/02/2025 10:01

Are they people you’ve been friends with doing things in real life or did it start as an online group? Is there a history of meeting up at all?

Createausername1970 · 09/02/2025 10:02

I wouldn't leave it straight away. I would mute it and get on with my life. Once you leave it's difficult to get back in.

If I hadn't had any interaction with anyone in the group six months later, and my life was ticking on nicely without them, then I would consider leaving it.

JustWantsSomeSleep · 09/02/2025 10:04

@Createausername1970 took the words right out my mouth. Mute the group but don’t leave.

PinkiOcelot · 09/02/2025 10:04

I think I’d just give up asking about meeting up.

SheridansPortSalut · 09/02/2025 10:06

Do other people arrange things or do you all never meet?

2chocolateoranges · 09/02/2025 10:06

Yeah I'd just stop trying to organise and see what others do.

I had a WhatsApp char with a few girls who did the same evening course. We all got on great but i felt it was always me starting the chats and mentioning nights out when no one else did it. I took a step back and the chat has stopped.

It's just on mute now.

lemongrizzly · 09/02/2025 10:07

FrannyScraps · 09/02/2025 10:01

I mean, if your answer here are anything like your messages I can see why!

Is there a reason you're being so short and spikey when people are chatting to you and asking questions?

Yes, was also thinking this. And honestly it’s hard to know without knowing how you are otherwise and what kind of a friend you are.

I have a friend who complains that nobody ever wants to make plans. But whenever we do make plans she changes them around 15 times. And if you don’t answer quickly enough she makes other plans and then says she’s not free as if she wasn’t the one who suggested the date. People have stopped replying because of this.

Her side of the story would probably sound like yours. So I’m wondering if you’re contributing to this situation at all?

Heronwatcher · 09/02/2025 10:08

Why would you be wanting to leave? Just stop asking to meet up. There are a couple of groups of friends I don’t see that often- most of us are just at a point in our lives where organising something is incredibly difficult and costly, and we’re all too knackered to be up for it. So we just post chat from time to time and might meet up 1-2 times a year.

If you’d be leaving to get a reaction (or maybe a commitment to more meet ups) don’t do it, it will backfire.

hopeishere · 09/02/2025 10:11

If you left the chat would you still see the people otherwise?

Is there a natural leader in the group who is the instigator of the nights out?

If you still want to be part of the group and be invited to events I would stay in the group but not try and organise anything.

FieldInWhichFucksAreGrownIsBarren · 09/02/2025 10:15

FrannyScraps · 09/02/2025 10:01

I mean, if your answer here are anything like your messages I can see why!

Is there a reason you're being so short and spikey when people are chatting to you and asking questions?

I was also thinking this, perhaps be a little more engaging?

CandyCane457 · 09/02/2025 10:15

I feel like more context needed- who are the women? Is it your closest group of best friends? Or just random acquaintances you’ve met through partners/social group or something?

I probably wouldn’t leave the group, as that’s such a statement. And could mean the end of the friendship? But you could just stay in the group and stop suggesting things.

Ohnobackagain · 09/02/2025 10:39

Do others reply to other people @5599katherine or are you the only one posting? If it’s mostly
inactive others may have muted it in which case you may as well leave. And same if everyone replies to others and ignores you.

Twaddlepip · 09/02/2025 10:46

Are you the only one who gets the consistently negative responses? If others message, are people often available?

JoannaGroats · 09/02/2025 11:18

Why do you want to leave? So that they’ll know you left?

DairyLeanne · 09/02/2025 11:21

I wouldn't leave the group as it would appear stand off-ish, but I would stop making the effort to make something happen and take a step back from the group. You can silence a group chat. That might be the way to go.