To want autonomy in my job?!

[icantwaitforsummer]

I'm having a morning reflecting on my career and I'm in a mix of anger and emotion and wanting to cry.

I have worked hard in my job for nearly 20 years, 3 years ago I was given a promotion. Love my job and give it my all. BUT the previous manager will not step aside.

We both have a new line manager so he is no longer my boss. But he will not stop getting involved coming into meetings he isn't invited to, talking over me, interrupting me and acting like we do the role 'together' when we don't.

I do the job, I do all the hard work and take all the shit. He just takes half the glory of the good stuff.

My boss is lovely but she also will not tell him to step aside and almost encourages me to include him and pander to his ego.

What do I do?

I want to scream I quit! I want to say fine give him the job back then. I feel as a women I'm just supposed to pander to his muscling in instead of him being told to buggar off.

How do I get what I want without sounding emotional and hysterical, or do I just quit? Or ask for another job within the company?

It's time for a meeting with your line manager to politely but firmly tell them this has to stop and why.

Secondly, do not invite him to further meetings. This is giving him license to butt in. If he asks why you have not invited him, again explain politely but firmly.

Document / record everything.

If it does not stop get HR involved with a formal grievance.

I think your current manager is as much as a problem as your old manager! In your shoes, I'd ask for a formal meeting with my manager, outline my concerns (make sure it's all minuted) and ask her how she thinks this can be resolved. If she still pussyfoots around, tell her you'll be escalating it. Alternatively, you can try the more direct approach and when he next invites himself to a meeting say 'I'm unsure why you're here Martin? We stopped working together last year.'

Have a meeting with your boss and HR and say you can’t hack this any longer - spin it so it’s positive, you want to give and do more, but you need the deadweight off your back - these are your ideas for the new order -
he doesn’t attend meetings
talk over you
answer questions for you
and he accepts he is your peer not boss

any comments from them?

and then if he protests you call on HR to help him acccept that things have changed

It’s not a huge deal - he just needs guidance

No point talking to your boss alone cos she doesn’t want to deal with it

Your reason for involving HR at the start is you want to handle it properly and support Roger in this change

just send an email asking them both - boss and HR to attend the meeting, follow up in writing after in, and note the date you will be in touch for a review if needed

JFC woman just say something! Get these people into a meeting and sort it out. It's ridiculous!

He isn't invited to any meetings, he just turns up. It infuriates me as he won't let go.

I'm told to help him feel included, although our responsibilities are now completely different.

But it's so hard to raise this without getting emotional and feel like I'm fighting for a job that I already have.

I could go to HR, I worry that this undermines my boss, and she is nice, she says I'm doing a good job and he will slowly get the picture, he will back away eventually. Structure change is happening etc etc

So do I suck it up in the meantime and bide my time and bite my lip? Or do I make waves and seem immature and demanding?

What is he supposed to be doing? Because while he is muscling in on your meetings he isn't doing his job. Give him some boring, shitty tasks to do as if he is going to turn up he might as well do some work for you and you are the one running the meeting and project. Do that every. Single. Time.

If he tries to talk over you, just talk louder and keep on going.

Have you attempted to have a conversation with him about this?

I'd put some time in his diary and tell him it feels as though he doesn't trust you to deliver in the role but it's not his place any more. Your manager is happy with your performance and he should step back and concentrate on his own role.

I'd also say that he is potentially making you both appear unprofessional - him for stepping in where he is no longer needed and you for appearing unable to work without his support.

I'd tell him that, if he doesn't step back, I'll have no option but to escalate as his interference is not necessary nor welcome.

Good luck