4 years old talking about 'private parts'

[kva]

Today DD who is almost 4 said: 'do you want me to show my private parts?' DH and I probably looked a bit shocked (as totally unexpected), so she thought she did something bad. When asked who told her this she named a boy at her nursery. I know the boy, he is sen and almost doesn't talk, so I don't think it was him.

What would you do? DH does not seem to be bothered, but I am certain we need to do something (eg speak with the nursery, DD about it...)

Have nursery been using the nspcc pants material?

www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/support-for-parents/pants-underwear-rule/

Speak to nursery but also use it as an opportunity to have a chat about bodily autonomy and privacy with your 4 year old. Our nursery regularly uses the NSPCC pantasauras stuff

I am not sure but can ask them. Looks like a great resource, we might use it ourselves.

Sorry, wrong thread.

I have a 4yo and wouldn't be shocked by this - it's normal and healthy at this age for kids to be curious about bodies, especially those of their friends/peers. I would use it as an opportunity to discuss the ideas of safety and consent (e.g. she can say no if another child wants to engage in exploration with her and she doesn't want to, getting help if she feels uncomfortable, respecting other kids' boundaries, who is safe to explore with etc). I do live in Germany though, where there's a much more open culture surrounding bodies and sexuality, so nursery would only be interested in something like this if there was coercion or bullying involved.

Use it as opportunity to talk about body parts using the correct words and teach her how they are private for her only. The Underpants Rules book is a good one to read to her. I'd also mention it to nursery too so they're aware to keep an eye on that sort of behaviour.

Kids that age talk about body parts but it's odd what the boy said specifically.

They’ve had their annual Pantosaurus lesson by the sounds of it.
It’s honestly a great child friendly resource. I would highly recommend having a look, although the song will stick in your head for weeks!!

I caught myself singing the song AT THE LIFT AT WORK in front of people.

Can understand your concern but as others have pointed out the nurseries do the nspcc pants programme. I remember my son often singing the song about pants at that age.

I hope that's the case.

I thought if some sort of abuse first - would someone said it to her in a toilet, etc

Pants, pants, pantosaurus...

I'm going to be singing it all day now!

Pretty sure the UK line is no "exploration" with other people at age 4?!

Why would the "UK line" be against something that's perfectly normal and natural at that age?!?

What was the start of this conversation? What did she or you say before she said 'do you want me to show my private parts?'

I also suspect they've been doing the Pantosaurus thing at nursery. (My god that song is catchy, it's been years since my DC did it and I still remember every word.)

Very, very normal for kids that age to show each other their pants and their “private parts”…. part of normal development to be curious about bodies.

Definitely look at the NSPCC stuff, regardless of whether nursery have or not. And reiterate the message of consent and what is appropriate.

Op also look at resources for 'Good touch, bad touch' very age appropriate

Actually it's deemed a positive thing for kids to explore with other kids of roughly the same stage of development, so within a year or so unless special needs. It's not deemed an issue if this is the case unless the kid initiating is trying to force/coerce another child when they're not comfortable with it. In fact nurseries where I live deliberately create spaces where kids of this age can be alone together unsupervised but the kids are also taught about consent and boundaries

Yes - it depends how it happened. Obviously if someone has told her to be showing those parts off, that's bad. It seems more likely though that they've said something like, "you can show those parts to mummy and daddy, and indeed should show them to mummy and daddy, or even a trusted teacher, if they hurt or itch or bleed, but don't show them to anyone else, even if they ask." And your kids' taken it to mean show them off to mum and dad always!

Ah ok. It could be something like this.

I thought of the worst first, but if course there are different scenarios...

It came pretty much of nowhere. We were on the tube, all 3 of us and she was playing next to her seat, laughing and then pretty much said it.

Time to talk about the pants rule.

Thank you all, these comments are very helpful!

I firstly thought the phrase could come from some perverted adult in the nursery. However, thinking more about it there is probably not much opportunity to do that in such space? There is always more than one staff in the room and toilets are very close to the room.

It could be one of the kids picking it up from an older sibling or perhaps the nursery was educating them (hopefully this is the case).