To take a step back from relationship?

[hereforadvicee]

So… I don’t even know where to begin because it’s such a mixture of things… but I’ll try!
I’ve been with my partner for around 9 months. We live around 45 minutes from each other, and he stays here on his days off which tend to be around 2 nights a week on average.

I’ve been diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and currently at home on sick pay (but doing fine financially thankfully!) because I’m so fatigued and burnt out all of the time. On top of that, I have an autistic son who has no contact with his dad and I care for full-time (apart from when at school of course).

Partner admits that he doesn’t like cooking, therefore when he stays here, the cooking is all on me otherwise he will just snack all day long and not eat properly, and I can hardly cook for just me and DS and leave him out. Partner also doesn’t clean up after himself when here - I cook every meal, he won’t go and wash up the dishes for example. It honestly feels like I’ve got another child to care for at times and I just don’t have the energy for it.

When we’re not seeing each other, he is a very eager texter and if I take a break from texting, he is checking in every couple of hours - I think it’s genuinely a needy thing and not having anyone else to speak to (very limited friend group). I feel like I can’t just lay in bed and binge watch tv or read for a few hours without being on my phone. I just feel like I’ve got no routine because of seeing him or speaking to him, as mad as that sounds!

AIBU to just take a huge step back - meaning cutting wayyyyy back on overnight visits and how many times in a week and cutting back massively on texting so I can actually have some time to myself, build my routine back up and feel like I’ve got some independence?

There’s also some other issues including personal hygiene and just feeling like he is a bit of a pisstaker (for example he will always find someone’s house to have dinner at - either friends or mum’s so he doesn’t have to cook), and not very thoughtful (if I’m having a bad day health wise, will still expect me to cook food for him, won’t offer to do it for once or order in etc).

There’s a lot of good qualities about him, on the flip side, such as always taking me to my appointments and really comforting in other ways when I’m having a bad day physically, which is making me think of taking a step back and seeing if anything changes rather than just ending the relationship completely.

And tight as well, after you’ve cooked all those meals he didn’t immediately insist on paying for the takeaway for both of you. That’s not nice at all.
I used to have an old friend who used to stop by my house on his way back from doing his food shop. He’d have a cup of tea, slice of cake, more tea, still there at dinner time, have dinner with me, never once did he pop out to his loaded car and bring in a bottle of wine or help with the washing up! When I moved I didn’t tell him my new address.

Don't step back. End it. Ha nit bringing anything to your life and he's a selfish user

Stinky and tight.........what a catch!

He is lining you up to be his new Mummy. Make his dinner, clean up after him, and have to nag him to shower. He wants you to pay for him and is surprised when you don't.
That's a mum, of a school aged child.

Get rid, he sounds like a liability.

So, until recently you were paying for everything (and you're a single mum who is herself unwell and have an autistic child. He has a job if I understood correctly), he doesn't wash very often, doesn't cook ever, doesn't do what might make up for never cooking by being the person who cleans up after the cook, doesn't clean full stop, doesn't react well to being asked to clean, constantly texts you when not around so you don't get any space.

But, he takes you to appointments.

Step back by about 300 miles. Maybe more. You can do better.

He's a lazy cocklodger. Wonder how much you have spent on him and how much he's spent on you...

I wouldn't take a step back. I'd dump him, and tell him why.

People shouldn't need to be told that they're taking the piss. They should be self-aware enough to work it out.

plus, you asked him to step up and he said 'he didn't feel comfortable'. Fuck that!

Plus, he's needy.

Yuk.

And when you end it, don't apologise, don't start the conversation with "I'm sorry but...."

You're not sorry. You've realised this relationship isn't working for you, you've realised you don't want an unhygienic cocklodger who doesn't contribute anything to your life, who doesn't lift a finger, wash a pot, buy a meal. Youve given him chance to contribute and he didnt. You're done.

He will tell you he will change, don't believe it. You're a meal ticket walking out the door - he's going to do everything to try to stop it.

Surely writing this post has now clarified what and who his is underneath his charm. This is the real him, the one who thought it was acceptable to take money off a single parent, and not just any single parent but one with a disabled child. He basically stole food and money from you and your son and thought he was entitled to it. And you stood back and let him. Let that sink in and then find your anger.

This.

He's not a partner, he's a grotty part-time cocklodger.

Better to be solo than with such a low specimen. Let alone have him around your child.

Agree.

These disgusting lazy freeloading men exist because no matter how low, they can always find some woman desperate enough to service them, sleep with them and pay for them. The mind truly reels.

Women need to drastically raise their standards.

Another MN thread where a woman is with a lazy skanky tight arsed freeloading wanker but for some unfathomable reason still wants to carry on being in a relationship and hasn’t dumped his cocklodging arse.

Why oh why do so many women tolerate being treated like complete shit by these useless inadequate men?

This alone would be reason to get rid for me. I just couldn't.

Step out, not back. He should have offered to pay at the cafe. That look on his face tells you everything you need to know. I've heard that not comfortable excuse on another similar thread, these men have a playbook, it's abusive. Life's better without that crap.

Nothing can make up for the personal hygiene issues, eagerness to freeload off you and lack of willingness to help around the house. I'd be out.

The threads on here never cease to shock me with how low the bar is set for tolerating the most disgusting pricks rather than be happily single.

It seems for some women any random scumbag is better than nothing and it’s sad that this is all they think they’re worth. .

I agree. So many threads lately with women on here going through the same thing it's awful. raise the bar ladies and know your worth!!

Come on OP, give yourself a talking too, this man is not worth your time and energy.