Narcissism can manifest differently too and be much more covert, often narcissism in men is more cruel/brash, but in women it can be much more psychological. For example, my experience with a covert narcissist who is a woman (I am also a woman), she would always compliment me and we’d have lots of banter (it was in a workplace she was above me) but I realised after the big blow up when I finally said no to her, that every single compliment she gave me had been backhanded and intended to bring me down. At the time I just thought oh well it’s banter and I can take a joke. But over a few years of it you start to have less self confidence and think less of yourself which is what they want. They can’t stand anyone being perceived as cooler / better than them. She would want to ‘take’ if she liked something that I had, to the point where it just got quite creepy. E.g. anything I wore that she liked, she’d have to buy something similar but a more expensive version. She’d always make sure I knew she had spent more money on hers and that hers was better. She started doing her hair like mine, wearing similar earrings and clothes, looking like me, making fun of my interests and trying to push me into doing other things that were her interests where she could control me. She would spend money way beyond her means to keep up outward appearances, unfortunately with this individual she has an fairly big Instagram following of adoring fans, her whole brand is rainbows and light and loveliness but behind the scenes is a very different story. If anyone’s brand is that they’re the loveliest person in the world, it’s just likely not true, no one is 100% lovely.
All narcissists might love bomb you to begin with, make you feel like you’re incredible, like you’re the best person in the world - think gifts, praise, attention. But the moment you disagree with them on anything, or say no, they will turn. Even if you’ve been in their life for years and think they’ll be reasonable / would never just get rid of you. The moment you stop giving their narcissist fire any oxygen/fuel/stop being their yes person, they’ll want to punish you and make you feel like you’re a horrible person and that you’re the one in the wrong. They will use tears and try to manipulate you, for example you could have having a calm conversation saying that you didn’t like something / trying to set in a boundary, and they could be crying and saying ‘you’re just being so aggressive’ etc. they don’t like boundaries, they don’t like anyone getting in their way.
One big red flag, is if they have a trail of relationships that have broken down in their life, and if they constantly move on to new groups of friends etc. there will always be excuses as to why those people were in the wrong. But it’s not normal for someone to have a long line of people that they’ve suddenly cut out of their life. It will be because those people cottoned on to the narcissism and stood up for themselves, so the narcissist dropped them and moved on the new prey.
If you have been a victim of narcissism in any form, it really takes its time to recover, it’s a very difficult thing to wrap your head around. There’s a podcast on Diary of a CEO from about a year and a half ago with an interview from a narcissism expert that is very helpful. My favourite part was when Steven Bartlett wanted the expert to say he wasn’t a narcissist and she dodges the question haha
You’ll get through this! You’re not crazy.