Was I unreasonable for changing my mind?

[ElsaLion]

Today, me and my husband took our daughter to a school open day. Because our son is only 2.5, we had decided the day would be too long for him, so had arranged for my mother (who lives nearby) to come round and look after him for the time we were out.

I should pretext this by saying every time my mother babysits/looks after our children (very infrequently), she has always been extremely demanding and we have to go to great lengths to set everything up/get everything out and prepared. She doesn’t even want to find food in our cupboards or fridge, everything has to be laid out beforehand and prepared by ourselves. She also refuses to assemble the pram for our youngest, so we have to do this as well. In the past she has brought the pram home, covered in mud and dragged it all over the floor and carpets.

For this visit, she had insisted that the pram be set up in order to take our son out. Overnight, we had a lot of rain and this morning it was very muddy and wet everywhere. We therefore decided it wasn’t the best weather for the pram to be used, so left it in the cupboard. On arriving, she demanded that we set up the pram, and when I refused, started screaming abuse at me, accusing me of being ungrateful, of disrespecting her wishes. I explained my reasons for not setting it up and said that she could take our son for a walk in his wellies instead, but she continued to shout at me (all in the presence of my children, who by now we’re getting upset). She then threatened to leave unless I set the pram up, at which point I welcomed her to leave and said we’d manage with the children on our own. Only when she realised her threats were futile, did she stop screaming at me, but continued to accuse me of being selfish and ungrateful. By now we were late leaving, our son was very upset, and my mother just stormed off into the next room and left me to comfort my children.

Perhaps I’m overplaying an insignificant situation, but I’m 35 weeks pregnant and found the whole incident deeply upsetting. Was I unreasonable for refusing my mum’s request?

Think your refusal to set the pram up was a bit off. I understand she has got mud on your carpets before...are you really that bothered about it?

She was obviously unreasonable for shouting at you. I don't think she was unreasonable for wanting the pram even though it had been raining, and I don't think it's unreasonable to want you to put the food out either. When my mum lived close by, id leave everything sorted that she might need. I don't think that's an unreasonable expectation.

It’s the fact that she shouted at you in the presence of your scared children whilst you’re vulnerable and pregnant at this time. I get that if your mum is the one who cares for them then if she requests something to make her care for them easier than it should be accommodated (I.E setting up pram) but that in no way gives her the right to abuse you and scare your children in the process by just being an unkind person. She could of calmly asked you to make sure she had it next time or adjusted her plans to make your life easier instead of making your job as a parent harder by having to clean up the mess she’s made of being so mean in front of your kids. Seems more hassle than it’s worth, if you’re able to find a childminder who you trust maybe that would be a better set up for you because at least it would all be very professional and your kids would never be crying with fear around them, it would be much smoother and relaxing experience for you and the kids.

Wanting the pram (if that was the issue she had) is not unreasonable; shouting at you because you didn’t immediately set it up instead of talking about it like a sensible adult is. Her reaction is disproportionate to the situation, you didn’t deserve to be spoken to like that OP.

So did you want her to stay in all day with him? Do you not have a hallway ?
Maybe if you do you should have a carpet free area for the pram.
If not could you have left something by the front door and said when you get back put the pram on that pls .
Would she not have done that if you had it set up and explained ?
I agree she didn't need to shout and it should have been a sensible conversation.
But essentially saying a 2 year old can't use the pram probably stressed her out.
Can she carry him if he needs it ? Is she physically able to chase a 2 year old if needed?

I have to have a pram (with a working harness) available if I'm babysitting.
I like to - know I can go outside, know that the child won't run off and never have to carry the sleeping child home etc.

I’m honestly surprised you bother with her. Screaming and getting mud all over the floors, I’d rather take my child with me!

i dont know why you dont have the pram out
i cant imagine not using a pram due to the rain