To feel relieved

30 replies

Blanketapproach · 08/02/2025 18:50

i have a child with my ex boyfriend. He left when child was 3 and went on to marry someone 12 years younger than him (after never wanting to marry) and has 2 children with her. Recently I stopped him from seeing my child, probably not in the most orthodox way but I was so upset seeing my son go there every other weekend and coming home upset because his father is a completely different man with his new family and my son (now 8) can see the difference that was made between me and his now wife and between my son and his two younger half siblings. I got a message from ex today saying he is not going to seek regular contact from here on in. My son hasn’t seen him in weeks and doesn’t care, I’m relieved I never have to deal with him again. I’m just worried about the long term implications on my son?

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MaggieBsBoat · 09/02/2025 15:43

I should just add that your son could lose out on inheritance etc which may impact him negatively later.

Original poster

Blanketapproach · 09/02/2025 18:24

interesting point about the inheritance - ex has nothing to his name, his wife is the breadwinner and is due large inheritance so his two children with her will benefit and mine won’t (which is reasonable given it’s her family inheritance)

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Crazycatlady79 · 09/02/2025 18:27

Blanketapproach · 08/02/2025 20:11

See this is my fear. He’s already noticed his dad goes on days out as a family with his family but never did with us

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How would he know that his Dad never did family days out with you and him when he was only 3 when he left? Unless you told him this?

Original poster

Blanketapproach · 09/02/2025 18:29

MaggieBsBoat · 09/02/2025 15:42

To be honest, it’s clear your ex loves his wife but he didn’t love you. This is just the truth of it. This is why he is able to do things for her which he wasn’t with you. But this is ok. It isn’t ok for him to treat his son with you differently though this is also hard to do especially if his son hardly sees him and his relationship with you is a somewhat bitter and possibly acrimonious one. Whatever else your son will pick up on this.
I was in a similar situation and I took the opposite road. I enforced a relationship because I felt that it was a right that both parties had - even when they didn’t appreciate it. My son is now an adult and is nc with his father, but I have no blame on me that is his decision and his father thanks me for always facilitating his relationship with his son. I have come out well and they have made their own relationship work or not work in the way that fits them.
I think you may reap what you sow later I am afraid.

But does your son not feel resentment that you forced him to have this relationship that he didn’t want to have?

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Original poster

Blanketapproach · 09/02/2025 18:30

Crazycatlady79 · 09/02/2025 18:27

How would he know that his Dad never did family days out with you and him when he was only 3 when he left? Unless you told him this?

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At the start I was very bitter and he probably has picked up some of these things from me but that doesn’t change the fact he feels like pure crap when he comes home from dad’s house

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