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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Whats going on here. Please help

18 replies

Hubhubba26 · 08/02/2025 17:58

I'm so confused

This happens a lot, especially on weekends.

Partner looks sullen , gives off bad energy and appears to be sulking. Barely speaks. I try and ignore and act as breezy and caring as I can. Eventually I have to ask what is the matter are you OK. Partner denies anything is wrong and carries on looking sullen and being short with me. I say OK and carry on with my day. Eventually partners mood ends up affecting me and I'll get noticeably down or I'll get irritated by it. In response my partner will say nothing was wrong but it is now etc and make everything feel like my fault. Then after this Partner will cheer up.

What is this weirdness and has anyone else experienced this

OP posts:

username299 · 08/02/2025 17:59

I responded to your other thread.

WimpoleoftheBaileys · 08/02/2025 18:09

He is setting you up so that you'll react so he can, in his eyes legitimately, have a go at you for reacting (to his own behaviour). It is a form of abuse.

It will not improve. Please don't tell him you know his behaviour is abusive.

Learn the art of grey rock.

I haven't seen your other thread, do you have other problems with him?

discdiscsnap · 08/02/2025 18:14

He's bringing you down by being off with you and then he is denying it. Then when you are inevitably down he's blaming you.

There are no positives, walk away.

Don't waste your time trying to understand it.

WilmaTitsDrop · 08/02/2025 18:15

My ex husband was a mood vampire.

When he started sucking the joy out of our kids and affecting their moods, that's when I realised it was time to divorce him.

It was horrible to witness.

Gymnopedie · 08/02/2025 18:27

He's controlling you. There is nothing wrong - he just wants to make you miserable. Then when you are he cheers up because it's worked.

This is not someone who loves or even likes you. Control like this is abuse. Time to start preparing to leave. I do wonder if that's his aim, he wants to break up but doesn't want to do it himself and is trying to force you into being the bad guy who ended things. Or maybe he just likes torturing you and having you dance round him.

If you know he's doing it deliberately you might find it easier to manage. Just don't engage with him. Do your own thing, go out shopping or with friends, watch a film, whatever you like. Exclude him from your thoughts.

Elenasunshine · 08/02/2025 18:37

He is gaslighting you; totally denying your reality of what is happening and trying to make you feel ‘mad’. There’s zero point in trying to discuss this because he’ll just double down and say you’re trying to blame him for your bad behaviour. It will go round in circles. Get out, he won’t change. Big hugs.

Passmetheaero · 08/02/2025 18:45

WimpoleoftheBaileys · 08/02/2025 18:09

He is setting you up so that you'll react so he can, in his eyes legitimately, have a go at you for reacting (to his own behaviour). It is a form of abuse.

It will not improve. Please don't tell him you know his behaviour is abusive.

Learn the art of grey rock.

I haven't seen your other thread, do you have other problems with him?

100% this. My ex-husband did this. Note ex. Horrible abusive behaviour.

Pineapplewaves · 08/02/2025 18:48

Mine does this, I take myself away from the situation until he gets over it. I'll go out and have a day at the shops or I'll decide it's a good time to clear out DC bedroom, I do something I know DP won't join me in.

Original poster

Hubhubba26 · 08/02/2025 18:52

Thank you everyone. We live with our 6 year old son which obviously makes things harder. I also stupidly agreed to move south to be near his dad. So not much support close by

OP posts:

Cerialkiller · 08/02/2025 18:58

Agree with everyone. I wonder what would happen if you acted in the opposite way. Overly cheerful, laughing etc. I bet he would get more and more sullen until he blew up and got angry with you for not noticing he 'wasn't himself' and that you 'didn't care about him'.

He wants to bring you down.

sometimesmovingforwards · 08/02/2025 19:01

Maybe without work to distract him, weekends make him realise how unhappy he is with his home life?

unsync · 08/02/2025 19:09

It's a form of control and abuse. He's already isolated you. Things will get worse. You should leave.

Wemaybebetterstrangers · 08/02/2025 19:11

Obviously get rid. You don’t need to live with a moody man child.

pinkyredrose · 08/02/2025 19:44

sometimesmovingforwards · 08/02/2025 19:01

Maybe without work to distract him, weekends make him realise how unhappy he is with his home life?

If that's so then he should talk to her about it, not act like a moody arsehole.

mnreader · 08/02/2025 20:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

NameChanges123 · 08/02/2025 20:18

He's bringing you down.

Just ditch him!

Original poster

Hubhubba26 · 08/02/2025 20:19

I don't have anywhere to go we moved to his home town 2 years ago

OP posts:

Spondoolies · 08/02/2025 20:33

I’m introvert and can often seem quiet and I’m not all smiley and chatty, if my partner asks me what’s wrong and won’t accept that I’m fine then it can get really frustrating and turn into an argument. Just because I’m not in a talkative mood or in my own world doesn’t mean I am in a ‘mood’ with him, being repeatedly told I am giving off bad energy when I just need a bit of quiet time is actually going to put me in a bad mood!

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