Does your dp do this?

[discdiscsnap]

You ask them not to do something and they respond with an issue with you.?

So today I asked dh to stop leaving dog treats/bags on top of the freezer as they fall down the back and there's a box where we keep dog stuff next to the freezer.

Dh defended his actions saying it's because they are easier to reach, I mention stuff fall down the back of the freezer. He then gets annoyed and mentions that I am not doing a good enough job of washing the pots!!

To be clear I work part time and he works full time as we have young kids. And yes I do all the pots, he's never said a word about having an issue.

Aibu to think he only mentioned it to deflect what I ask?

Sounds like he is deflecting so he doesn't have to take responsibility.
Most people would say 'okay point taken' not defend by attacking.
What a wet blanket!

My ex used to be highly defensive like this. It's like he just couldn't take any perceived criticism, even over really stupid small stuff. Any slightest comment I made was taken really badly by him. I don't think he could change because that's how he was wired. Is your DH ok in general if you make a request or comment?

My ex did. Always took it as criticism

Mine does that; I now refuse to be derailed and say ok and if that’s an issue bring it up and don’t bring it up as a deflection and keep on point

Just over defensive. You have to make it sound like an idea or a suggestion rather than an instruction or criticism.

So it you say “Would it be ok if we keep them here because they seem to keep falling down the back of the freezer?” or such when talking to someone like this.

Yeah I see the point it's not really a criticism though more dont do it because of xyz. It just requires an 'ok'

It bugs me because then we argue and u end up the bad guy!

No he doesn’t. Posts like these really make me grateful for my DH because I think I’d be considered a crazy person in other relationships, does he think you’re a dishwasher? I wouldn’t lift another finger for him, do the dishes OR organise the dog food- he’d be doing everything for himself indefinitely.

DARVO

Red flag of an abuser.

You mean like a child? Ugh very few men deserve this amount of grace and patience. I’d tell him to get a grip instead.

Not just men. For me it’s my mother.

Yes, very common trait in men, I've found.

As a pp said, I'm now responding "Sure, if you have a problem with something I've done, bring it up another time, but right now we were talking about [whatever], so please don't deflect."

Everytime he does it, push them down the back. Then let him scrabble about looking for them.

No but then my dh isn't an defensive dickhead