Husband always groping me

[Bella8209]

Married 15 years, 2 kids under 10. Husband has always been touchy type with me but it’s been ridiculous the last probably 4/5 years. It may seem comical but he grabs my boobs from behind if I’m at the kitchen sink, if I’m bending down to fill dishwasher he slaps my bum. And thinks it’s funny. And he does it in front of the kids and now they think it’s funny and are doing it too.
Last night as I was putting kids to bed, I was leaning down to put clothes in daughter’s bottom drawer and he came in and slapped my bum. I’m not proud but I lost it and kicked him hard in the shin. He’s now moaning today that his leg is sore and bruised. I know I shouldn’t have kicked him but I’m sick to death of this. He wonders why I have no libido and I know part of why he’s like this is because we haven’t done it in over a year but I feel my light is permanently out because he turns me off with his behaviour. He’s not the most hands on around the house either, I feel like I have 3 kids most of the time. Am I overreacting. I don’t want to break up my family but I’ve asked/told him time and time again to stop doing it and stop setting bad examples for the kids, but he just can’t help himself.

Please don't teach your daughters that this sort of thing is acceptable in a relationship. If you've repeatedly asked him to stop and he's continued, he is assaulting you in front of your children. That's not being dramatic it's just a fact, and I'm saying that as someone in a very touchy feely relationship with my husband and as someone who actually enjoys this sort of touching. It simply must be mutually enjoyed and consented to or it's assault, plain and simple.

I don't blame you! I have met a few men like this, and as much as their partners explained how much they did not want or like it, they just did not take it seriously until the partner left. Then acted all bewildered. Its like their partners are not really real people to them. It sounds like the only reason you are still there is because you worry about your family. I hope you can work it out so you can get him out and have a peaceful time with your family. I would guess he is going to be nasty when you end things, so please be careful.

I left my ex over this. Slapping, groping and vile comments. I tried everything. I approached it from every angle. It never stopped. This behaviour is not playful or affectionate. It’s designed to degrade you and humiliate you and dominate you.

I told my ex, in tears, that this is why I didn’t want to have sex with him and that I was rethinking the marriage. His response? To grope me even harder and to make sure our kids saw.

Oh he can help himself op. He chooses not to.

Doing it in front of your children is exposing them to sexual activity and is not OK. Fred West used to do that.

You’re describing a long standing pattern of degradation by your husband. You say it got worse 4/5 years ago. What changed around that time?

Does he grope you at night in bed? Men like this often escalate to full on assaults and you need to take this seriously. They see women as nothing but a pair of tits they can poke, squeeze and grab, and laugh at you for having them.

You described three seperate occasions where he groped you and each one was when you were doing housework. It’s as if it’s not enough to dump all the domestic work on you, he has to humiliate you while you’re doing it. My ex also did this, washing up, cooking and ironing were all favourite times to assault me. I’m still sickened by him years later.

He’s no loss to you and your children.

Grope him right back and he'll see how intrusive it is.
Feel for you OP I hate that too

I find it hard not to be equally disgusted that you’ve allowed him to continue doing this in front of the kids without removing yourself and them from this situation.

I smiled when I read that you kicked him in the leg. He deserved it and then some.

This is horrible, no wonder you're turned off OP. Horrible behaviour for you to be on the receiving end of, and for your children to see. Remember that whatever you tolerate, they will think is acceptable. Sorry you're in this situation, you deserve better

I wouldn't have wanted sex with him, either and I'm not surprised you kicked him after trying to verbally enforce boundaries failed, yet again.

You need to end it.

My ex did this. If I objected he claimed to feel hurt I was rejecting him.
He would do it in bed too, to initiate sex. I hated it.
Wait until he’s calm to explain how it makes you feel. You probably should think about some couples counselling too though as a year is a long time.

🤮

Sexual assault in front of children. Have they replicated this behaviour at school yet?

My ex used to do this all the time. Key word being ex. My DH did go through a phase if doing this because he thought I enjoyed it. When I told him clearly that I didn't and it made me feel like an object / my consent didn't matter he stopped and hasn't done it again. He's actually quite ashamed of it these days. As others have said, if you've said don't and he still does then it is sexual assault. And your husband absolutely could stop, but his gratification is worth more than your consent. I hope you find a way to leave OP, you and your children deserve better than this x

This 100%.

He needs to change or leave.

A succinct description of a dead marriage.

Icky husband.
No sex 1yr+
No equity of chores
Manchild husband
Resentment
Low level violence in front of DCs

Book an appointment with a solicitor & get the ball rolling.

This is unsalvageable, might as well get cracking on with the next stage of your life.

She 'allowed' him? 🤔 Yep, let's blame a woman for a man's abusive actions towards her shall we?