in divorce, how do you divide the things, furniture, etc?

[itsallsohard]

I mean, there are two issues:

One is, almost every piece of furniture, certainly every picture on the wall, etc, etc, I chose, I bought. But then again, he mostly funded it, after derailing my career.

There's also the issue that our younger DS (20) has ASD and MLD and would be lost without familiar things. Then too, because of DS (20) situation, I would want his father's house, when he visits (only in daytime if I can possibly help it) should look friendly and familiar too.

But, you know, I'm not feeling that friendly towards STBX right now. And I will do my level best, for safety reasons, to make sure DS2 (we have other DC but DS2 is especially vulnerable) will never again be near him overnight, or for too long. It is because I cannot trust STBX that I am belatedly, very belatedly, seeking divorce. The older DC are neurotypical and I wouldn't interfere.

I am happy to let the lawyers sort out the actual money.

I am unreasonable to say: the rugs, the pictures, all the furniture I chose are mine, whoever was actually earning the money.

I am reasonable to say: keep your money, I will keep a familiar cave for my children.

After a 27 year marriage and 4 adult children, my ex left me with everything, house, belongings, money everything. I didn't ask for it but I got it all. I eventually decided he felt so guilty that it was how he assuaged his conscience. From the moment he left I never saw or spoke to him again, after 30+ years together.

We just kind of thrashed it out somehow!

Exh did swipe the best knife out of the set I was getting though, and that annoyed me!!

It depends on whether you need it or not and have a place to put it. Valuables aren’t really what you think they’re worth. If you want it and it means something to you, keep it. If not. Let it go.

I made a list of everything in the house and assigned a second hand value to it, based on how old it was. We each went through and said what we wanted. Most things we managed to split without an argument.

DDs room stayed as was, so joint savings paid for new furniture in exs house. Remaining savings split 50/50.

I then paid ex the difference in the second hand value of what I was keeping (most of the furniture) and what he was keeping.

We just managed to agree between us. There were a few things I felt attached to and some that I was less bothered about and vice versa. I think it was more or less fair in the end. It helped that he couldn't give two shits about art/books/ornaments/lamps/soft furnishings.

My XH took most of the contents of our house. He got oddly intense about furniture, rugs, and dishes. it quickly became clear to me that it was about asserting control, not about actually caring that deeply about a table. I just let him take it all and took away his power. I think he thought he was winning, but he really wasn’t. Winning for him would have been engaging me in the battle, which would have hurt my soul. A trip to ikea solved my short-term home goods issues.

@Murdoch1949 what you trying to prove here? Almost everyone gets to a point where they tell the other one to stick it all up their arse I know I did. But then reality kicks in and you realise you need somewhere to live

Op tell him what you'd like and negotiate from there

There's almost no resale value on most furniture etc. If he's combative feign indifference and he'll probably not even think about it. On the flip side imagine getting all new things that haven't been poisoned by him.

I took nothing that 'his money' had paid for. I had heard too much within the marriage, about 'his money', damned if I was going to hear about it after I left.
I bought 2nd hand and made do until finances improved for me.

If you took all the items you wanted, will he still have a bed chair tv cooker? Do you want to strip the house? I have heard people do that.