I've had enough of parenting my mother!

[Gingerbiscuitsss]

For as long as I can remember my mum has suffered with her mental health. I've always tried to help her but she makes it so difficult and very often refuses to help herself. We've been on a roller coaster for years where she says/does something really hurtful, I take a step back for a few months but I always go back trying to help. My children and I have gotten used to her being absent from our lives for months on end.

It's emotionally, physically and mentally draining. Today she was so close to being sectioned again. She's visibly and mentally unwell again and wouldn't let me take her to a Dr or the walk in centre and I ended up having to call the crisis team on Monday. Today was her last chance to go for a blood test and we literally walked through the door with a minute to spare after she had been so nasty to me.

"My blood will be on your hands", "You're bad at your job", "you're the reason that your Nan got attacked" (she didn't, she fell and hit her head), "You're conspiring against me", "you've come in to my house and stole things", "the walls are listening", "who are you working for" are just some of the things she's said to me today. The looks of disgust, resentment and anger cut with a knife. At one point I was worried she was going to pull something out of her pocket and attack me. I was worried she was going to lash out at the neighbours after she finally came out the house.

I left work early yesterday to be there for her when the crisis team came round. I spent most of my day dealing with this between the school run. I've got to go to another appointment tomorrow. Its too much, I've had enough. Everyone tells me to walk away but how can I? She's my mum. I love her. I want to see her well but it's so hard. I've come home this afternoon and I just feel numb and sad. I've had enough of these circles. Is this it for the rest of my life? Am I doing too much or not enough? My siblings have had enough. The rest of my family don't have anything to do with her. It has such a negative impact on my relationship, children and my own mental health.

What Illness has your mom got? Is she medicated and does she take it? You are doing enough, especially as you have children. I know what it's like to deal with those kinds of paranoid delusions from someone close. It's heartbreaking. If you want to step back a bit there's no shame in that, the mental health team would have to assess what kind of support they can offer. Hopefully someone comes along with some organisations you can possibly contact as I don't really know any😊

@Devilsmommy she's diagnosed with anxiety and depression but I think there's a lot more going on. She stopped taking her antipyschotic meds a while ago and more recently stopped her anti depressants and thyroid meds but said she's started taking the thyroid ones again a couple of days ago.

It honestly is heartbreaking but I'm just so fed up of the instability and constant swings and roundabouts. I honestly just want to move so far away sometimes and not have to deal with any of it but I know I'd feel guilty and worry constantly.

@Gingerbiscuitsss sounds like she really needs those antipsychotics to be honest. Can you speak with the mental health team about getting her put back on them because she's obviously severely paranoid. Totally understand why you feel the way you do. It's bloody hard when they just won't even try and hear you when all you want is to help. Hope you find a solution 🤞

@Devilsmommy I know. She was also on benzos but once they stopped those the anti psychotic meds messed with her sleep and she took herself off them. It's so hard to find the right balance! Thank you 😊

What thyroid meds does she take?

There's two things here - the practical and the emotional.

It might help to separate them? You said this The looks of disgust, resentment and anger cut with a knife but these looks are from a person on the verge of being sectioned, the looks are not about you, your mum can't even see you as you are.

I don't know if you should help your mum more, less, or the same amount. That's a very personal thing and you have the right to rethink it many times.

It is very upsetting your mum is so ill but none of the things she says are actually about you, they are a verbal expression of her illness.

This sounds way more than anxiety and depression. Way more.
You are being a very good daughter to a very mentally ill parent. Is it ever an option to walk away from someone you love? Maybe there is some way of being to some extent less involved, looking after yourself more etc

@InspectorDefect she takes levothyroxine.

@verycloakanddaggers I understand it completely! She cried the other day, in between the anger, and it was a proper cry, she was so sad - it broke my heart. I know it's not the real her but it still hurts. She told me once that I'm an evil person and that's why my daughter is disabled - that hurt, a lot. I know it isn't true but some of the comments start to impact my mental health.

@curious79 I agree but getting a proper diagnosis is difficult, especially if she doesn't cooperate. Some times you have to walk away for your own health and the people that are impacted indirectly (my children for example) but, I'm a big believer in doing everything I can so I have no regrets.