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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be frustrated with my partner

7 replies

DaintyJ · 07/02/2025 19:02

my partner of 4 years does things that he wouldn’t be ok with me doing, for example he will go out and come back and say he was just out with friends and if i ask oh which friends just out of making conversation he gives very evasive responses. If I do the same, he will ask which friends and if i try to dismiss him like he does me he gets annoyed. he also feels like I should tell him everything and we should keep nothing from each other but apparently he does not need to do the same with me. He can be very evasive at times if I ever ask him anything and I do not ask him in an accusatory way either but he just tells me that I don’t need to know. When I bring these things to his attention that he wouldn’t like it if I did it to him, he very quickly dismisses me, avoids the conversation, tells me I’m irrational overreacting etc or worse he tells me he understands why I feel the way I do and then continues to do the same things I have talked to him about anyway a day or so later. He says that I should just trust his word and I don’t need to know everything about what he does or gets up to and stop overthinking everything but I feel like I’m always reading between the lines with him.

OP posts:
YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 07/02/2025 19:05

He doesn't respect you or care about your feelings. He wants to operate within the relationship as though he can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants.

He is quite firmly establishing the foundation of a lifetime of emotional and psychological abuse.

He is not a nice man. He is smugly telling you to "trust him" when you re asking perfectly reasonable questions because he KNOWS it will make you feel paranoid and in turn he can tell you you are paranoid.

It is classic crazy making narcissistic behaviour.

JustWantsSomeSleep · 07/02/2025 19:54

YouDeserveBetterSoAskForIt · 07/02/2025 19:05

He doesn't respect you or care about your feelings. He wants to operate within the relationship as though he can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants.

He is quite firmly establishing the foundation of a lifetime of emotional and psychological abuse.

He is not a nice man. He is smugly telling you to "trust him" when you re asking perfectly reasonable questions because he KNOWS it will make you feel paranoid and in turn he can tell you you are paranoid.

It is classic crazy making narcissistic behaviour.

This.

Worsthousebeststreet · 07/02/2025 20:12

Huge red flag.

This isn't normal and I wholeheartedly agree with PP

I2amonlyhereforTheBeer · 07/02/2025 20:14

Is he living a secret life or something? I couldn't put up with that. Sounds controlling and dismissive.

MissUltraViolet · 07/02/2025 20:17

Massive red flags. Not only is he controlling by questioning you and wanting to know everything you do, he is being evasive and not answering your simple questions in return. "You don't need to know" is a load of shit. At that point, even a very trusting person would think they were being lied to/their partner was hiding something.

Why are you still with this man?

crankytoes · 07/02/2025 20:45

Anyone who so clearly has double standards and even when it is brought to their attention they don't change is a massive calling red flag

Endofyear · 07/02/2025 22:59

Well, he sounds like an arse. Don't waste any more of your precious life putting up with his shite. Dump him and find someone who you can have an equal, honest relationship with.

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