Just to move on… aibu?

[Freakinout80]

Two weeks ago, I found out that my husband had been messaging a much younger woman. He said she was beautiful, incredible and the reason why he liked going to this place where she hangs out.

I saw him texting her and took his phone. When I confronted him, he laughed in my face and took himself off upstairs to bed. He then admitted the next day that he was drunk and has been drinking a bottle and a half of wine a day in secret for the last 6 months. There was nothing beyond flirting in his words but he knows how wrong this is.

He has since stopped drinking, been to AA and spoken to his sponsor daily. He has been present and helpful and he is so apologetic. He has been through a terrible trauma this year, but even so, I am oscillating between anger, frustration and sorrow. How to I begin to heal?

OP is he in counselling? The problem I see here is that it’s more than infidelity it’s the drinking as well. He needs a lot professional support. The boundaries are really dependent on in the relationship and how you work together. Are you in counselling and do you have any support outside of MN that are supportive of you trying to mend this relationship - because I have to say you won’t find that support here.

The 10 years is gone. It’s a sunk cost.

You have the rest of your life ahead of you, and it’s up to you whether you want to spend it with a man who has contempt for you.

You don’t owe him anything.