Co Parenting - Father not communicating

[Beebop669]

My ex and I co-parent our 6-month-old, and he has overnight stays twice a week. I wanted to do baby-led weaning, but I’m terrified about how my ex handles it. He hasn’t educated himself, never asks for advice, and I’ve seen concerning things—like giving our baby a whole strawberry and juice at 5 months. When I raised concerns, he just blocked me from seeing photos rather than addressing the issue.

I also get no updates when our baby is with him, and he often comes back cranky and out of routine. I feel like a nag because it’s constant issues, and I’m never listened to. He also pushes for 50/50 custody and insists on matching everything I do—like demanding my details to order a separate passport or only agreeing to me taking the baby away if he can too. It feels more like a power struggle than co-parenting.

On top of that, he ignores basic care requests—our baby has come home soaked through because he won’t size up nappies, and he took him to a Christmas market in just a jumper. I’m exhausted trying to ensure our baby’s well-being when I have no control over what happens at his dad’s.

I want to know what he’s eating his routine and to have updates when he is at his dads. Am I just over reacting? How do other people manage this?

He's learning to be a parent, too. I don't know what the tone is between you but clearly both need to agree more constructive comms acknowledging everyone will make mistakes.

50-50 is great. There's a lot of dads who cba.

The reality is that to a large extent, the other parent is allowed to make what parenting decisions they like on their watch. People don't have to be great parents, they just have not be totally rubbish by the standards of laws and authorities.

If I called the social services on every child I consider inappropriately dressed in my inner city gentrified area, I'd be making a couple of calls a day at least.

Do you send him updates with baby is with you?

Maybe try the 2 nights in a row? When he has a cranky baby on day 2 he may reconsider his methods...

Why shouldn’t he be allowed to take your child away in the same way as you?

The power struggle seems to come from you wanting all the power.

I'd just stop the overnights.

"I have a list of issues with what you choose to do with our baby which directly affect their safety when with you. I am now preventing future overnights as I cannot trust our child is safe with you.

Our child will be available for you to collect and return between mealtimes, I suggest every Saturday 9.30am-11
30am and every Tuesday 3pm-5.30pm. This is due to the fact that you feed them in an unsafe manner.

Should you feel the need to challenge any of the above, please notify the family courts, with whom I will discuss in greater detail my concerns"

Why should a 6mo baby spend longer than necessary away from their primary carer?

he needs to put his feelings about you or that he has less time with his child aside (some never do this)

communication is essential for the best for child, this is what you have to get across not what he is doing wrong but what is best for your ds

50-50 isn't great we do not need to congratulate or pat fathers on the back for being responsible parents

This wouldn't be seen in a positive light IMO

OP I sympathise, I have not long separated from my partner and he has our 3 children EOW. He lets them play on devices the entire time, they eat crap and have no bedtime. They always come back shattered and irritable but there isn’t a lot I can do. You can’t dictate how they parent unfortunately. Do you send updates when you have DC? If he won’t do the same then I would stop sending anything tbh. A lot of parenting is us learning along the way (eg forgetting the coat, he’ll remember next time! Nappies he will soon learn that if he doesn’t size up he’ll be changing babies clothes more often etc).

Has dad had a chance to establish himself as the primary carer? It isn't just as easy as saying that your maternity leave has allowed you more time with a newborn.

Well that’s just ridiculous. Obviously if there isn’t a court order she doesn’t have to make the child available but if the dad did go to family court ( as well he should do). The court wouldn’t look at her actions favourably overnights would probably be reinstated with a court order which means if she didn’t send the child she would be in breach of so more trouble for her.

I bet you are you are a ‘ my uterus my rules ‘ person aren’t you. Dad is entitled to be a parent as much as mum is

I think women do this thinking most men won't or can't take them to court anyway. However, I think it really does taint things for them if they do go there

100%. One party doesn't get to unilaterally change the arrangements to the detriment of the other because a baby's nappy leaked.

How can he ever become an equal parent if OP doesnt allow them to be together?

Honestly, no, I'm not. But I also think that at 6mo baby barely even knows their mum is a separate person to them, so overnights at that age is ridiculous. Especially given he will choose to give whole foods before the baby is even at weaning age, takes them out poorly clothed for the weather and seems intent on still exerting control over his ex.

This was in response to dad's suggestion of taking baby away on a holiday. At 6mo.

The OP is allowing them to be together.

You have to ignore what goes on outside your home. In your house you can do things your way but getting worked up over what he may or may not be doing is only going to upset you.
Sounds harsh but that is the way someone I know has had to deal with things (with it being the mum disregarding routine and not putting the child first to make the point that not all dad's are bad and not all mums know best).

Also to add if it went to family court unless there is any major reason to stop him then I don't see why they wouldn't give 50:50 contact and agree to you each being able to take the child away for a week abroad.

Both highly unlikely to be granted at 6mo.

bet you are you are a ‘ my uterus my rules ‘ person aren’t you. Dad is entitled to be a parent as much as mum is

what an odd take when the dad in question is leaving his kid is piss soaked clothes.

op unfortunately as some ppl show, a dad being willing to spend time with his child is worthy of a clap on the back. Certainly a mother would receive criticism, but a dad is learning. We do all make mistakes but it doesn’t seem like he’s aware or cares, unfortunately theres not really anything you can do, that’s the problem with coparenting really.

By the time it gets to court as they would need to go through mediation the child would be older and I don't see them stopping it unless there is a really valid reason, not just doesn't stick to my routine.

Do you honestly think I posted my first post because dad "doesn't stick to the mums routine"? Did you read the OP?