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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do you celebrate Valentine's Day ?

26 replies

TheThreeMiracles · 07/02/2025 13:38

Not really an aibu but wasn't sure where else to post but do you celebrate Valentine's Day? If so what do you do?
Dp and I have had some rough day patches ( almost broke up ) but we are in a really good place now, happy together and I'd like to do something but as we haven't for years I'm abit stuck as to what to do,
I do feel a bit bad because mil wants to pop over that evening to see our kids but it's the first valentines in years we've been completely together ( if that makes sense ) and I'm thinking of saying no this time ( it's not the first occasion been shared with in-laws 😂 )
Was thinking dinner and a film, going out isn't an option xx

OP posts:
AwakeNotThruChoice · 07/02/2025 13:40

Could mother in law pop over, but then take the kids back to hers to stay the night 😅

Original poster
TheThreeMiracles · 07/02/2025 13:42

@AwakeNotThruChoice absolutely not 😂 boundaries crossed in the past far too much for me to trust to be honest xx

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 07/02/2025 13:51

Yes but we have no kids!

Hollowvoice · 07/02/2025 13:51

We don't usually but this year we're using it as an excuse to have a date night after a tough few months.
Staying in, ordered a fancy cook at home meal kit, bottle(s) of wine, just spend some time together.

MissDoubleU · 07/02/2025 13:53

Tell MIL that valentines is off limit for a visit as you are planning something romantic.

It doesn’t really matter what you do, it’s all about the intent put into it. Get a take away and watch a movie, cook something nice to eat together later, after you’ve fed the kids. Just spend a bit of time together and enjoying each other.

Yes, it’s a “made up holiday” just like every other holiday that has ever existed. I personally love any excuse to enjoy my DP and celebrate both our love and how far we’ve come.

Rosalina2025 · 07/02/2025 13:59

We're away next weekend with friends but we are going to have a steak, wine etc on thursday night. Children grown up and won't be here. We don't buy each other anything not even a card.

BigDahliaFan · 07/02/2025 14:02

We don't go out...too many couples looking at each other in a WTF do we talk about kind of way...

It's just us at home.

DH will usually cook something nice, we'll share some wine, usually eat at the table rather than in front of the TV, watch a film. Buy cards...I'll probably get given some flowers.

LushLemonTart · 07/02/2025 14:04

No and I'm actually going to a gig with some single female friends. Dh is at work valentines night anyway but wouldn't have made a difference.

It's nice you are though @TheThreeMiracles . I hope everything goes well for you both in the future ❤️

ComtesseDeSpair · 07/02/2025 14:09

Tell PILs you have other plans and arrange another day to spend time with them. Dinner and a move sounds great if you can’t go out.

The most important thing is not to overhype it and to relax: don’t put yourselves under lots of pressure, loading up the day to be the beacon of perfect, romantic celebration of you finally being in a good place as a couple and then getting upset if your preconceived vision of how the evening is going to go deviates a bit. If you want to exchange cards and presents, be explicit that you want to exchange cards and presents. If you don’t want to receive red roses because you think they’re a cliche, make that clear, too. Don’t end up as one of the posters on MN on Saturday 15th posting about how disappointed you are because DP didn’t read your mind. Just enjoy the time together.

BigDahliaFan · 07/02/2025 14:09

My favourite Valentine's was one year when I was flying out to meet DH while he was on a work trip in the States. I made a bid for an upgrade and flew over business class...lovely.

Screamingabdabz · 07/02/2025 14:13

No. Because it’s a commercial Hallmark day to dupe 17 year olds. I would rather have flowers any other day tbh.

JudgeBread · 07/02/2025 14:16

Not with gifts or flowers or cards or anything, but we always get a Chinese and watch a film. Just tell MIL no, you've got plans that night and can't accommodate her!

Purplecatshopaholic · 07/02/2025 14:18

Not really, no cards or anything, lol. We will have a nice meal though, and we might go out for dinner on another day close to the 14th but not the 14th itself, if that makes sense.

yakamoza · 07/02/2025 14:19

We used to buy gifts, chocolates etc for each other when we were younger but now we are happy with just cooking at home and watching a film together. Maybe this is boring for some but I guess none of it really matters as long as you are happy with whatever you are doing 😊

Comedycook · 07/02/2025 14:22

We don't do valentine's day.

I don't understand why you can't have dinner and watch a film on the 15th February or any other day. What's the difference? A marketing person has told you that you'll be happier in your relationship if you watch a film on the 14th instead?

Although I think valentine's is a load of crap, I think your mil is weird to suggest coming over that day...I wouldn't, as I know lots of people do celebrate the day.

Floranan · 07/02/2025 14:27

No, we’ve been married for 38 years did valentines for the first few years until the children came along then it sort or fizzled out, DH will buy me flowers when he thinks of it for no other reason than he saw them and thought why not I buy him things or cook his favourite meal when ever the mood hits. Marriage makes valentines redundant I suppose.

what I don’t understand is why parents do things for the children, what’s that about ?

as for MIL visiting on valentines, like I said we probably wouldn’t even have noticed when the children where little, but I would just say “ you are aware it’s valentines, we will be busy that evening “

WatchedEverything · 07/02/2025 14:32

We don’t celebrate it, but we do go out together most weeks, spend lots of time together and buy gifts randomly when we see something we know the other would like.

If you can’t go out, then dinner and a film sounds nice, especially as you’ve got your relationship back on track after a rough patch. Just tell MIL that you’re having the night to yourselves.

Comedycook · 07/02/2025 14:33

But anyway the fact it's valentine's day is a red herring, you're busy, you have plans...she can come over another time.

ComtesseDeSpair · 07/02/2025 14:34

what I don’t understand is why parents do things for the children, what’s that about?

Plenty of European countries have folk customs around giving gifts and sweets to children around St Valentine’s feasting day. It’s largely why Valentine’s Day in the US also includes children: many of those traditional customs and festivities were immigrated in and have just been subsumed. And then they’ve spread to the U.K. because it’s just fancy, silly fun, and if you can’t celebrate fancy, silly fun when you’re 7, when can you?

ItGhoul · 07/02/2025 14:34

We just exchange cards, partly because my birthday is very close to Valentine’s, and we do something nice for that anyway. Sometimes we’ll cook a nice meal together, no more than that really.

However, I do think it’s perfectly OK to tell your MIL you’ve got plans for Valentine’s Day and to suggest a different date for her to come over. Lots of people do celebrate and it’s not weird or unusual to want a romantic evening on that date.

GregoryFluff · 07/02/2025 14:34

@Floranan I sort of celebrate with my eldest DD. At playgroup there was always card making stuff out, so she'd do one for DH or my Mum
Then I'd cut something into the shape of a heart for lunch or give her a chocolate
She just loves celebrating things because she's little
She saw it was lunar new year on CBeebies and was most upset that there wasn't a snake or Chinese food for snack at nursery!

mydogisthebest · 07/02/2025 14:57

Yes we celebrate it and always have done in our 45 years together.

Some years we go away, some years we go out for the day, some years we eat out, some years we get a takeaway, some years we cook a nice meal together.

We always give each other a card and sometimes a small gift but it's never flowers or chocolate.

We buy each other little gifts throughout the year and DH often buys me flowers but we like celebrating Valentines plus our birthdays, our wedding anniversary and the day we met.

It is perfectly possible to show love all year round but still celebrate Valentines although quite a few posters don't seem to think so

Pineapplewaves · 07/02/2025 16:43

Yes - we buy each other a card. DP usually buys me flowers and I gift him his favourite chocolate in return. We can't go out as we have young DC but I will cook something special for dinner and we'll eat it at the dining tables with candles and a bottle of wine (we usually eat on trays in front of the tv).

Strange that your MIL wants to visit on Valentines evening. I'd tell her you are busy that evening and can she come on Saturday or Sunday or another day instead.

Original poster
TheThreeMiracles · 08/02/2025 15:52

Thank you for your replies! I've put my big girl pants on and said that evening isn't convenient and we have plans dp is happy with this too, in the past mil has acted really spoilt and does tend to throw toys out the pram if things aren't how she wants so I do get really anxious about saying. No to her xx

OP posts:
LushLemonTart · 08/02/2025 15:54

@TheThreeMiracles good. That's how people like her get away with stuff. So controlling.