Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lack of gratitude

21 replies

Didimag · 07/02/2025 13:10

I[m a physio. Some 20+/- years ago I was treating a young woman student who was panicking as she had to work part time and it was having a really bad effect on her studies.I had been in the same situation when I was studying, paying my own way with a grant and what I could earn as a temp. sec. during the holidays, so I really felt sorry for her. My mother had left me some money so I lent her several thousands of ££££.
Some years later she posted holiday photos of FB. I was peeved and asked her to pay me back, which she did. All good? NOPE:
Fast forward to now. Retired I have a small pension. Had emergency repairs to my car at the same time as bills for car insurance and tax, etc.I asked her to lend me £2,000. starting payback next month at £150 monthly.This is what she wrote back:
I gave more thought to your request but it won[t work for me. The timing is bad.
Me: Strange, I thought you would be happy to help me in need . Obviously I was wrong.
Her: I paid back everything you lent me back then, even had to take out a loan that cost me lots of interest because you put a lot of pressure. You already cut me out of your will.
NB I did not put a "lot of pressure" on her and she didn[t tell me that she had taken out a loan to pay me back.
I did not cut her out of my will - I asked her if she would mind as I had a very needy friend, She was upset so I told her that of course I wouldn[t change it, that she will still be in the will.
She[s now saying that I don[t care for her, although I[ve been very supportive during her health and fertility problems.
PS She[s in charge of 60+ employees at a major bank and her husband is also a high earner.
PPS I own my own flat which is worth a lot but I don[t want to sell.
I haven[t answered her and seriously thinking of cutting her out of my will, going NC. What do you all think?

OP posts:
apostrophewoman · 07/02/2025 13:14

Why is she in your will? Is she an actual friend or just someone you treated 20 years ago? Do you keep in touch and see her regularly? This all seems very odd.

YoungGunsHavingSomeFunCrazyLadiesKeepEmOnTheRun · 07/02/2025 13:14

You crossed a line lending her money in those circumstances.

She paid you back so is due you nothing now.

Why the hell she is in your will I have no idea.

Take out a loan against your mega expensive flat.

heldinadream · 07/02/2025 13:14

I think neither of you have healthy boundaries.
I honestly think you should step away from this friendship and try and get some perspective.
You sound as enmeshed as some close family members are, as if you are her mother. Which it would appear you are not.

Billybagpuss · 07/02/2025 13:15

Why the hell is a patient from 20 years ago in your will

TeachesOfPeaches · 07/02/2025 13:17

Bizarre

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/02/2025 13:17

You weren’t wrong to ask her to repay you at the time, but that doesn’t mean she has any obligation to now loan you money.

And I don’t get why she’s in your will!

Eyesopenwideawake · 07/02/2025 13:18

Are you male or female?

bellsend · 07/02/2025 13:19

None of this makes sense

DivergentTris · 07/02/2025 13:19

You were kind to help her out in the past but that doesn't mean she has to or can help you back. You also can't force people to be grateful.

Sorry, you are in a trick spot financially but people shouldn't feel obliged to help, they should only help because they can and they want to,

Youcanttakeanelephantonthebus · 07/02/2025 13:20

Stop harassing her

UnusuallyBuoyantTeabag · 07/02/2025 13:20

I'm really confused too as to why she's in your will, and that you asked her if she'd mind if she be removed from it...surely that's up to you?!

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/02/2025 13:32

The issues earlier taught her 'neither a borrower nor a lender be' and she's applying that.

Spondoolies · 07/02/2025 13:44

Eyesopenwideawake · 07/02/2025 13:18

Are you male or female?

I’m getting male vibes

DoItBetter · 07/02/2025 13:46

I'd cut her out the will. Even if she couldn't lend you the money she could have been nicer about it.

MasterBeth · 07/02/2025 13:54

Why was she in your will? How did she know? Am I in your will? So many questions.

temperedolive · 07/02/2025 13:59

Was this a romantic/sexual relationship? It sounds like a sugar baby situation gibe wrong.

MissDoubleU · 07/02/2025 14:01

Absolutely insane. Who is this person and why are they in your will..?

No, having lent her money many years ago and her paying you back does not in any way entitle you to demand a loan now.

She said it’s bad timing, you have no idea what’s really going on in her personal financial circumstances. She politely declined and you’ve reacted with, again, entitlement to her presumed money. This is absolutely not lack of gratitude. She expressed gratitude at the time and paid you back when you requested it. She doesn’t owe you anything.

Eyesopenwideawake · 07/02/2025 14:02

Spondoolies · 07/02/2025 13:44

I’m getting male vibes

Really? The only person who can answer this is the OP.

XWKD · 07/02/2025 14:03

The friend said the timing was bad and you responded with:
"Strange, I thought you would be happy to help me in need . Obviously I was wrong."

You were being unreasonable and came across like you were looking for a fight.

Catza · 07/02/2025 14:12

I suppose it's a good job you are retired because otherwise you would have been reported to HCPC for inappropriate relationships with a patient.

What on earth is going on here? You gave money to your patient, you then put her in your will, took her off your will and put your other "needy friend" on it, felt the need to tell her about it and then demanded a loan? This can't really be happening.

ItGhoul · 07/02/2025 14:43

This post is incredibly weird. What on Earth is really going on here?

What’s the actual relationship between you and this woman? If she was your patient, you should absolutely not have been lending her money or having a personal relationship with her in the first place. Why is she in your will, ffs?!

And of course you can’t expect her to automatically lend you two grand just because you lent her money 20 years ago when she was a student.

You sound obsessed with her.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page