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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

PTSD from difficult baby?

9 replies

EmotionallyTired20 · 06/02/2025 21:13

When my daughter was very young, I really struggled. She didn’t sleep for more than an hour straight until she was four. She’d wake up constantly and take hours to get back to sleep. I also had a toddler who was very energetic. Slept through the night, but didn’t nap and was on the go when awake. Add to this, I was a single parent and social services were involved. It was a nightmare. I resented my daughter so much, I was exhausted and didn’t bond with her well at all. I did everything I had to, but it was very much a fake it until you make it sort of situation. Now when I look back at pictures, I’m shocked how beautiful and happy she is. I only remember the crying and exhaustion. Because of social services involvement, I didn’t tell anyone how much I was struggling, or get any help, I was worried they’d take my kids away.

so that’s the background, on to now. Both children are much older, and thankfully both usually sleep through the night! But tonight my daughter is ill. It’s just the flu, but I can hear the coughing and hacking and I’m already feeling stressed by it. I feel like I’m immediately drawn back to the time when she didn’t sleep and so I couldn’t either. It’s almost adrenaline hitting me, the feelings returning of desperation and anger. I was so angry all the time, I tried so hard to be a good mam, but I was just so tired.

i know I’m overreacting, I know it’ll be an awful night but we will survive it. But I feel the panic rising already. I get the same every time she’s ill. Not the eldest, just her. This isn’t normal is it?

OP posts:
Springflowersmakeforbetterhours · 06/02/2025 21:15

Sleep deprivation is still used in army training in the UK op. For a reason.
Being reminded of those days must be bloody awful. Adults need sleep.
Open a window for your dc... It will help.. And paracetamol for both of you. Stress will be raising your temperature....

Bushmillsbabe · 06/02/2025 21:43

Completely with you.
My oldest had a milk allergy and reflux and like yours didn't sleep longer than an hour, although it got better around 6- 8 months, so nowhere near as bad as you had it. But at the time it felt absolutely endless, and at times I felt suicidal from sheer exhaustion.
And now when one of them gets properly sick, I get that pit in the stomach feeling of dread for a few moments. And when I'm knackered the next day I think how on earth did I do that for months and months. Oldest is now 9, but I don't think I will ever truly forget the mental trauma of that period of time. I have been in a war zone, been shot at, nearly died in an accident, but hands down the scariest thing I ever did was have a 2nd child, to put myself through that. Being a mum is amazing but also really really tough

CarnivorousHipPain · 06/02/2025 21:50

I get it. I was a wreck from lack of sleep. I actually think I lost my sanity for a while because I remember doing some bizarre things. I only have one child because I couldn't face anything like that ever again.

Please don't think you're being unreasonable. Anyone who has ever been that tired would understand the sheer desperation of it. I regularly wished for death, I'll be honest with you.

BuffaloCauliflower · 06/02/2025 21:52

Yes that is absolutely trauma, your feelings are completely valid. Especially with the fear of social services on top. I’ve had two more wakeful babies but not as bad as that, you must have been absolutely disabled by it. Could you explore some counselling to try and process your feelings about that time?

Mielbee · 06/02/2025 22:00

That's not normal but it is understandable given what you went through. I'm sorry OP, it sounds like it was really traumatic and so hard to be reminded of it. I think it's really commendable that you have recognised that this feeling you have now is you being triggered. That insight will help you do what you need to do now as your daughter still needs you and it's not her fault. I think some grounding techniques might be helpful? Running your wrists under cold water and naming 5 red things you can see, 4 blue things, 3 green, 2 yellow and 1 purple, for example. This should bring you back to the present.

Nationsss · 06/02/2025 22:01

You poor pet.
Sounds horrendous.
Lack of sleep nearly killed me.
I think it is part of the reason I have absolutely no interest in small children.

I too think I have been left with stress issues and I had a great husband.

Be kind to yourself OP, you sound like a great mum.

EmotionallyTired20 · 06/02/2025 23:25

@Bushmillsbabe thats it exactly!

OP posts:
EmotionallyTired20 · 08/02/2025 08:06

Thanks for all the help everyone. She was up a lot at the beginning of last night but slept 1-6 which we both needed! I woke up and panicked that she had died in her sleep (another flashback to when she was a baby and would sleep for slightly longer) but I risked checking her and she was breathing easily so left her to sleep

OP posts:
Nationsss · 08/02/2025 08:59

EmotionallyTired20 · 08/02/2025 08:06

Thanks for all the help everyone. She was up a lot at the beginning of last night but slept 1-6 which we both needed! I woke up and panicked that she had died in her sleep (another flashback to when she was a baby and would sleep for slightly longer) but I risked checking her and she was breathing easily so left her to sleep

God i remember being paralysed in the bed wondering had she died and what would i find if I went down to her after a rare good nights sleep.

Very very hard.
Christ but i wouldn't do it all again, even though she is absolutely divine and 18.😁

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