Scared of possible surgery, DH says I’m overreacting.

[Amioverrrreacting]

I’ve spoken to a lot of friends and family about my health problem the last few days, so I apologise for being vague about it!

But something was discovered on a scan that I paid for privately because no GP would actually take me seriously, and I have been bumped ahead of the queue and have an NHS appointment next week to see a surgical consultant.

After googling, there’s a 5% chance this “thing” can be cancerous. Not a huge chance, but the fact that the NHS consultant is seeing me in less than a week freaks me out a little.

I also cried today because I’m scared of surgery, I’ve never had any before. DH keeps saying “all is fine” and then I asked him to stop saying that. He got irritated and said he’d been really supportive but now I’m overreacting about it all.

I said, “overreacting because I’m scared of surgery?” And he said yes.

AIBU??

@Amioverrrreacting can I ask if it's linked to your thyroid? I only ask because I am going through something similar at the moment and the percentages sound similar!

I have a large thyroid nodule that is growing. It isn't cancerous but every time it grows I have to go back and have another biopsy in case it has changed. They have offered to remove it but I'm also a bit worried about the risks and the operation!

If it helps at all, I absolutely love general anaesthetic. I'd treat myself to one if they were for sale. 😀

If you do need surgery I am sure you will be fine. Hope it is nothing serious. Best wishes.

Does he always treat you so callously?

I don't understand why the vote is roughly 50/50 and yet 90% of the posts are supportive. Presumably the rest of us don't want to come over as mean and have not commented. I'm tempted to say get a grip, accept the privileged health care that's offered by a first-world country and hope for the best. Many of us who've had unexpected cancer diagnoses and the like have just got on with it and been grateful for our treatment. I do accept, however, that we're all different and that panic thresholds vary so wish you well and hope everything goes well for you x
(It may just be that your husband is more like us pragmatists and has run out of patience but I don't see either way as right or wrong).

I hope you won’t say that to the people who woke up in ICU because actually the ‘what do you have to worry about’ surgery didn’t go to plan.

I think you are overreacting, in the sense that your anxiety is massively disproportionate to the risk. It’s normal to be a bit apprehensive - nobody wants to have surgery - but it does sound like you’re spiralling and I’m not sure it’s helpful for people to be validating your anxiety. You need reassuring, not to be told that this anxiety is proportionate.

I think perhaps your DP is trying to point out that you really don’t need to worry about this as much as you are (because it really isn’t going to be the terrible experience you’ve built it up into) and that you’re making it worse for yourself than it really needs to be. He’s probably going about that in the wrong way, however.

But ultimately, people telling you that you should be so anxious is just going to make you worse.

I have one coming up I'm scared of. I don't know whether I'll wake up having had a hysterectomy or with a catheter or stoma or having to convert to open surgery
I'm pretty laid back but surely that would worry anyone
There's a plan, but I've been made well aware it could go wrong and they won't know until they're in there

I've had scans and surgery and in one instance I ended up in ICU following surgery due to unexpected problems. I've never got anxious about it or cried over it though. It's not part of my personality and I can't relate to people who do get anxious about these things, although I recognise that often you can't help it, it's personality trait. The stats about risks are there and they are usually very small (I always listened politely to the consultant talking through them before signing consent forms, but mentally I dismissed it as small and just something they needed to mention to cover themselves in case something went wrong).

YANBU because he is not bring empathetic.

But are you in such a state that there is nothing he can say or do that will help, and therefore he is set up to fail?

Of course it is alarming, any % chance of something nasty, and facing your first GA. So understandable that it is upsetting and frightening.

But it will help you if you can use perspective to calm your nerves. Millions of people have had serious surgery. The chances of something serious are at least in your side. And if not… there are many cancer survivors living full and active lives.

I’m not saying it isn’t upsetting and worrying, but maybe try and take it one step at a time and not get yourself in a state until you know there is reason… which hopefully there will not be.

Talk to your DH, tell him you know he is right factually but you can’t help feeling scared. Don’t take your panic out on him. The people who can really help here are the doctors, and thankfully they seem to be doing all the right things.

Well done you for taking pro active steps and getting this procedure sorted.

I have sat with my Dc through nearly 20 GAs: it never seems to be as bad as people fear.

Very disappointing to miss your weekend away.., but in a good cause for many such weekends in years to come 🤞🏼

I wish you the very best of luck OP.