To be really upset about this?

[annaisstrong]

I have just ended my marriage after 25 years. Dh is a social drinker so likes to drink heavily at weekends with his friends and during the week he will have a few beers with his friends, his life has evolved around beer and his friends as long as I've known him.
We have children and I had hoped he would drop drinking with his friends all weekend and opt for more of a family life once the children were born but no.
After many years of his excessive drinking and near breakups because of it I finally had enough and have asked for a divorce.
He has met someone else now and started going to the gym together, lost loads of weight and he has also given up drinking beer because apparently this new girlfriend doesn't drink so now he is living exactly the active life I wanted with him but with her and her children.

He still lives in the family home at the moment so I see him every day, he's happy, active and sober exactly what I wanted.
Aibu to feel sad that I left a man I loved because he wouldn't change but now we've separated he's changed and living the life I wanted with him?

He couldn’t do it for you but he’s done it for somebody else. That would hurt.

It sounds like you’ve never been a priority to him so get him out of the house.

Have you seen evidence this woman exists? It all seems rather coincidental and smacks very much to me of either trying to punish you by showing you how great he is with someone new, or trying to reignite your interest and make you jealous.

She will be real. Men really do move on ridiculously quickly and only think of themselves.

Has sad and upset this as happened op the only thing that that comes to my mind is he didnt want to change for you because you let it go for so many years.
The new girlfriend is not going to take it for him.
However that said op thank your lucky stars hes out your life now.

My ex was a drinker and changed for someone else it lasted a year and he went back to drinking more than ever shes still stuck with him and 3 kids i thank my lucky stars i never got married to it or had children unlike the new girlfriend that wanted marriage and kids.

When they get the chance, indeed. I do struggle with the idea that a man like this would be able to find a health conscious teetotaller who'd be willing to have him this quickly. Why on earth would she want the bother of changing a hard drinking waste of space who's still living with his wife? Unless they've declared a chronic shortage of men in that neck of the woods. And even then.

I can completely understand why you're so upset - it's incredibly hard to see a former partner seemingly do for someone else what they weren't willing to do for you. And it must be doubly difficult when you still have to live with this twat.

I would just try to keep reminding yourself that none of this is your fault and that this is all on him, not on you. Maybe the end of your marriage was just a catalyst for him. Maybe he knows he fucked up so badly that it ended his marriage and he now realises what a mess he was in a way that he didn't realise before. Or maybe - and I think this is probably the most likely - he's on his best behaviour because it's early days with the girlfriend, and that he will probably go back to his own ways and make the same mistakes again anyway.

I really feel for you, as it's such a hurtful thing to go through. But honestly, you are well rid of this man.

Yeah but what about you? Who are you going to the gym with? Who are you getting sexy and happy for?
Forget about him!!!!!

This new woman only knows what he tells her.

Did you ever ask him to stop drinking or talk about the way he was living his life?

@Coconutter24 in the OP it says there were several near break-ups because of it so it seems fairly likely?

Totally agree
Quite unpleasant to read everyone wishing this man back into alcohol dependency.

It's really unfair to you though op, I feel for you. I'd be sad and furious. And tell him so, what a shame he couldn't manage this for his wife and kids.

And I'd get him to move out asap. ASAP!

You just need to get him to move out as soon as possible so you can both get on with your new lives.

After that, as long he's acting like a good dad, good luck to him

...and you CAN get sexy and happy when you are ready to. You absolutely can! Don't do it for someone else though, so it for yourself. Because being happy in yourself is the biggest sexy there is.

I realise this sounds very simplistic btw but the basic principle is true.

He hasn’t changed for this women @annaisstrong. He’s changed because he’s afraid of being alone. As soon as he feels secure in that relationship, the boozing will be back.

ETA: still the same selfish man putting his needs before everyone else.

He'll start boozing when the honeymoon phase of his new relationship ends.

Forget him and be the best you. Tell him you're going out Saturday night and you expect him to look after the kids. If he complains just tell him tough. He can't have everything his own way.

He’s only done it because he realised no woman would look at him the way he was. And dependent drinkers, unless they are 100% committed to never drinking again, always revert to type.
Go and have a happy life OP.

None of us have enough information about the husband to judge him or predict what he’ll do. He’s at a massive fork in the road in terms of his relationship with the OP, his kids etc, and with alcohol and his drinking circle. The new partner may be key to this or incidental. Only he knows what is going on. The not moving out suggests to me that he is on a proper muddle.

What’s your problem? I was sympathising with the OP. Are you just going out your way to be a dickhead to people who are trying to be kind?