AIBU to go without him tonight and not invite him

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Just a lighthearted one. Not looking to start a riot!

I should start by saying my partner is the nicest human ever. He’s just honest about what he enjoys.

Really wanted to see a particular film in the cinema. I only go about once a year as I’m not a film fan. It’s meant to be great on the big screen.

None of my friends fancy it (I wouldn’t really go to the cinema with friends anyway. We prefer wine and a gossip on the rare chance the kids aren’t around). Asked my partner if he wanted to go.

Partner suggested we watch it on a streaming service instead when it comes out. He didn’t really fancy going to see it. He said he’d go if I really wanted but it’s going to be on a streaming service soon so he’d prefer to wait and watch it for free.

AIBU to just go alone to see it tonight? And furthermore, to not tell him I’m going. I don’t have my kids but don’t have plans to see DP.

I don’t want to watch it on a streaming service and I don’t want to drag him along clearly unwilling (which he’ll do if I tell him beforehand that I’m going).

Cant work out if it’s a bit passive aggressive to just go and tell him about it after!

Edited to add - he said he’d got loads to do tonight. I feel like if I invite him, he’ll drop his stuff to come with, even though he doesn’t want to!

I would go but tell him.

Go but why wouldn’t you just tell him?

I would go, but just tell him you’re going tonight as you are free and if he wants to come please do, but if not that’s ok as well.

i should’ve said. He text earlier to say he had loads of stuff to get done at home tonight. I feel like if I tell him, he’ll feel like he has to come along.

Just go and see it. But why make a big deal about not telling him? I don't understand that part.

Just go, there's no reason you need to tell him you're going.

Ah, cross-posted with you. Can't you just tell him that you're happy to go by yourself and he doesn't need to feel he has to accompany you? Enjoy the film!

I’d go and tell him. If you’re worried he will put off all the stuff he needs to do to go with you then tell him once you’re there/it’s about to start or just wait until after.

Best thing about the pictures, it's one of those things which don't feel weird doing by yourself. It can be better.

To go and not tell him until after seems a bit childish since you’ve already invited him. Just text him “I’ve had a think and I might just go by myself - I know you’ve got a lot to do today and to be honest I don’t mind going by myself. I’ll see you at the weekend still as planned!”

I think you (both of you) need to work on communication in your relationship. Rather than working on feelings about how the other might respond.

It's perfectly fine to say "I want to see the film, so I'm going to see it tonight. Yes, I'm fine going on my own. No, I don't expect you to put off doing your loads of stuff to come with me. Happy to watch it with you again when it comes out on a streaming service."

And it should be perfectly fine for him to know that you mean what you say and he doesn't need to second guess whether he should offer to come or not.

Go alone and text or call him when you arrive saying you've decided spur of the moment to see the film as you think it'll be better on the big screen, and it gives you something to do while he's getting all his stuff done. Make it upbeat so he knows you're happy to be going alone.

I go to the cinema now and again on my own. I'm a massive aliens fan, so when the latest one came out I wanted to see it. My dh isn't a fan but offered to come with me. Tbh I told him I'd rather go alone so I can sit in silence, on my own for a few hours and enjoy the film and eat all the popcorn. He understood that and I went alone.

I want to know which film it is! I would just say okay see you tomorrow and then when I saw him I would tell him I went to see the film. It shouldn't be a big deal.

Exactly this! I’d rather see it and not know he was there not really fancying it.

Seeing as i'm at a loose end im going to treat myself to some nice choccies and go see that film. I'll let you know if it's any good and if it is we can watch together when it comes out to stream

Either that or if it going to be an emotional film just say youd rather sit and blubber in the cinema on your own than show yourself up lol.

Nothing wrong with going and not telling him til afterwards. There's a clear reason why, because you don't want him to drop everything for something he doesn't even want to do. It's not passive aggressive or childish. You don't live with him, you don't see him every night, there's nothing wrong with going and spending your time as you wish and telling him afterwards. He doesn't want to go anyway, he has told you that, so it's not like he's missing out!

What's the film??

Just go and tell him you're happy to go on your own.

I voted that YABU because you're giving this so much head space. He doesn't want to go, so why wouldn't you just go? Is it because you are one of those people who thinks it's weird to go to the cinema alone?

What @RedSkyDelights said, you need to work on communication and boundaries.

See this as a teeny tiny (and it really is) test of your assertiveness and boundaries. Tell him you're going. Tell him you know he's busy and not bothered. Tell him you're happy to go alone. If he comes anyway, as long as he watches happily, those are his boundaries to worry about. If he slags it off, you have bigger issues.

Meant to say, lying to avoid a vaguely uncomfortable conversation isn't a good sign in a relationship. There are much more uncomfortable conversations people need to have!

But why would he feel he has to come along?! If my partner wanted to see a film that I wasn't especially bothered about and I'd indicated that I had loads to do that night, I would expect them to say they'd go on their own. I certainly wouldn't feel I had to offer to go along. A solo cinema trip is pretty normal, no?

I would go and just tell him afterwards. Be honest and say you really fancied seeing it on the big screen and you knew he had a lot on so you decided to go and see it as you were free without the kids.

I haven't voted, as I can't think why you wouldn't go and see it on your own, if that's what you want to do, but I don't understand why you think you should somehow do this secretly.

Just say, "Okay, not to worry, I'll go and see it by myself whilst you get on with X".