To be shocked by many of the comments on this platform

[pinkandwhitebunny]

I hope you're all doing well.
I know this is somewhere where we can all be anonymous, but it's shocking quite how many judgemental and unkind comments we see on here.
People share their deepest secrets and vulnerabilities. They come here seeking advice in moments of desperation and uncertainty.
It's okay for us all to have different opinions but why are some of them conveyed in such a harsh and judgemental way?
Do we really not care about the person who is going to read our comment and how it might affect them, if they allow it to?
Surely it's always possible to disagree, but in a way that won't make the other person feel like they're being attacked?

Maybe people get frustrated with the original poster not taking any advice?? For example....."my dh hits me, treats me like dirt but he's a really good man and I don't want to leave him"..... Just an example. I tell people to give their head a wobble but that's it

It seems like quite a lot do. Best to respond in a polite manner or ignore.

Very good example. Obviously you have no understanding of domestic coercion & violence. May be if 'give your head a wobble' is all you can say it would be better not to post at all?

Mumsnet isn't a counselling service.

Nor is it a safe space in any sense of the word.

There are sections that are lovely and supportive and there are sections that are not.

If people are really struggling and want support Mumsnet isn't the right place. Samaritans, women's aid, a breastfeeding helpline etc might be it.

Mumsnet isn't.

There are lots of other online forums. If you don't like the way this one works there's no obligation to use it.

The guidelines forbid personal attacks and insults, and if you see posts that are actually cruel then report them. It is neither an attack nor an insult nor any kind of cruelty to tell someone that their actions, opinions or plans are idiotic if that can be supported by rational argument. Sometimes it's absolutely the kindest thing to do, and the anonymity of thr forum allows us to extend the grace of that kindness to someone who needs to hear it.

@SharonEllis that was just an example I used. Don't want to quote actual posts that people have put on here. Btw I have been a victim in the past so yes, I do know what I'm talking about. There was a post yesterday and despite everything the person kept saying it's bad but he has so many good points.....

Do you believe mumsnet is worse than other forums or do you believe mumsnet should be nicer because we're mostly women on here?

Because compared to what I read on other forums, mumsnet is tame.

It's the internet where you have to expect a wide range of responses. MN isn't a place where you're going to get unbridled tea and sympathy.

I agree, however, that there's a percentage of keyboard warriors who engage their gobs before engaging their brain. In the singular.

True

In general are you easily shocked?

I think theses posters do care, but actively want to hurt the OP. There are some REALLY unhappy people on this site who seem to want the ‘power’ they feel from kicking others when they are down. Presumably to compensate for deficiencies in their own life.

This is quite common. It’s takes people a long time to shift patterns of thinking. Especially if, and I think you may be referring to a thread I too saw yesterday, the woman is clearly in a coercive control relationship.

Expecting women after half an hour on here to suddenly see the light and commit to leaving is utterly unrealistic.
Of course if people are engaging OP is going to be posting all the thoughts that have so far kept her from leaving. How could you expect anything other?

Unfortunately, when such women post here, women who are already in relationships that are destroying their worth and sense of self, and even reality, and are then battered and insulted on here as they have not committed to leave within three pages, all that happens is they leave the thread. It’s utterly counter productive to insult or attack these women.

People pile on those posters. Yes, the OP should be planning to leave. But someone can post at 8am and if she hasn't packed up and left, kicked him out, whatever by midday, it turns into a ravening mob of 'what's the point, you are ignoring us'. It takes time for people to process, reach and enact on a decision. MN posters treat other people's lives as if they are there purely for their own entertainment and want it hashed out in real time for their own enjoyment.

Abso-fucking-lutely this.