Hairdresser/friend dilemma

[NoForwardingAddress]

I've been going to my hairdresser for about 7 years. We met as our kids were at school together. We've become friends too and socialise alone and with our kids regularly.

She used to be good. The problem is, for whatever reason, she's been doing a poor job for maybe the last 8 ish months. I don't know what's changed with her, I just feel like I've now had a run of 4 or 5 bad dye jobs and not great cuts either. I have highlights, and where they used to look natural, they now look stripey and yellow. Today, I finally took the plunge and tried to diplomatically ask for finer more natural highlights, she said she'll tone it for me. It wasn't until she'd blow-dried it that I saw she's essentially covered all my highlights with brown dye/toner, so I now look like I have no highlights at all 😩 wtf. It's really dull and drab looking and doesn't suit my skin tone.

My husband has said I need to stop going to her but it's just so awkward as she'll know I'm seeing a different hairdresser as I obviously see her all the time. I love her as a friend and don't want to upset her, but my hair looks rubbish. I don't know how she can't see it looks bad.

How do you think I should approach this?

Did she highlight it before toning it?x

The thing is, whilst it's a bonus that she's cheap, I'm in the fortunate position where I can pay more and willingly would for a better dye job.

@Snicksnacksnora yes. She usually highlights it with foils, then does a toner called something coffee-ish (mocha or latte, I can't remember) over it which gives me a balayage type effect. This time she still did the roots of my highlights but just around my face, but then put a toner (?) Over the top so it all looks dark mousy brown. She did say (in a warning kind of way) that the highlights will shine through as it fades, but right now it just looks one uniform brown.

I know I said I want it less stripey, but it feels like she's gone to the extreme.

“Friend, I don’t feel like my hair comes out like it used to. Are you doing something different to what you used to do, I noticed the change about 8 months ago?
honestly, I liked it better the way you did it before. I don’t want to upset you but I’m unhappy with the way my hair looks. I’m looking at trying a different stylist.”

could a conversation happen? Being honest if not completely blunt?

Ok, so in the meantime of trying to decide what to do with her as a hairdresser, if she’s toned the blonde highlights that’s good because you can use head and shoulders or fairy liquid which will help strip the toner, because toners do fade, and as horrible as it is to use on your hair it will strip the toner quicker.
are you explicit it how you say what you want? Because sometimes hairdressers can do what they want rather than what you want (within reason) so if you say for example it was too brassy last time and chunky highlights I want it toned down but still blonde, she might interpret that completely differently to what to actually want. So in a colour chart a mousy brown to a normal eye 😂 is brown but it’s classed as blonde. Did you show her pics? Don’t worry though just use head and shoulders for a week or two.x

A mousey brown on a colour chart is probably a medium or dark blonde*

Could you show her a couple of pictures of how you’d like your hair to look.

Agree with @Hamletscigar

My hairdresser was great in a salon.. then she went self employed an the finish just wasn't as good. I presume she was using cheaper products. I stuck with her for a year but eventually just texted her to say I've gone to a local salon a few times now and probably going to stick with it as it suits me better than getting in done in the house (also true.)

I'd maybe say I'm a big bored with my hair can we try something new and get ideas from her. Then if you don't like it say mm I'm sure this is for me I prefer highlights.

So get a bit of a radical change then go back but be very specific and say remember when (insert time when it was nice) I want that again.

I’ve been a hairdresser nearly 25 years .. she’s doing a shit job .. and by the sounds of it a lazy job . She’s know she’s doing a shit job believe me . You’re letting her get away with it !! Gets some balls and tell her your not happy , might give her the wake up call she needs . I’d rather be told . I’m super fussy and Very much a protectionist , sje will 100 % know it’s not right .