Dad put on end of life, to take time off work?

[nosent]

For context my mother was diagnosed with an autoimmune liver condition last year & placed on the transplant list. She was given her liver transplant on 28th dec 2024 and I have been her primary carer since. I also have 2 small children under 2.

My dad was diagnosed with oesophageal cancer in 2024 as well. He was admitted to hospital in January of this year with pneumonia.

As my mum had been in hospital for 3 weeks post-transplant I was visiting her every day & working from the hospital so nearly doing full time. My brother was visiting my dad who was in a different hospital.

Yesterday they called to say they are putting my dad on end of life care & expect him to have weeks- months left. Obviously this is really upsetting & along with the stress of my mum I am struggling to cope.

I work 85% full time (every 3 Fridays off) and my husband works away in the military Mon-Fri.

Ideally I would like to spend time with my dad in hospital if he is at the end of life, but logistically with work it doesn’t work. My mum can’t visit him as she’s on a high level of immunosuppressants, so he is spending a lot of time alone.

I can’t afford to take unpaid leave as my children are in nursery 4 days per week, mortgage etc.. Would I be unreasonable to get signed off work for a few weeks by the doctor so I can get myself together & focus on my dad?

Sick leave can be stress related, too stressed to work also grief and stress are MH issues just as real as flu.

Absolutely yes, you should be able to get a medical certificate from your GP and be signed off for a few weeks to enable you to spend time with your parents

Can your husband speak to his superior (you don’t say which forces) and explain the situation at home? They’re usually pretty high on family welfare and he might be able to have some time off, or be sent to a nearer base, for a temporary period whilst everything is going on to give you more support. It shouldn’t all be on you, even if it is your parents - they’re his kids that need lifts to nursery etc.
(from ex RAF wife)

but yes I’d definitely look at getting signed off, even reading that made me think how on earth are you coping. Better to take time now than have an unmanaged breakdown later.

Sorry you are going thru this

To help with money worries get the doctor to write an SR1 FORM this gets your father benefits like attendance allowance paid asap within a couple of weeks

You could use this for petrol or parking while you are visiting him or for some comforts for him like something to play music on or podcasts or something like headphones just to give him something listen to

You must get signed off by your doctor. You are not superwoman abd you need this time now.
If you've got anybody who can help please try and get additional support.
So sorry you find yourself in this position.

You would not be at all unreasonable to ask to take time off work, you have done amazingly well so far coping with 2 very young children and everything you are doing for your parents. I hope everything works out for you.

Stress, lack of sleep, not eating, grief, low mental resilience - therefore unfit for work, which is what a fit note is for.

I'm going through similar. Lack of sleep means my GP is not prepared to say I am fit for work, as I need to drive. Medication for lack of sleep also means I am unable to drive.

I am really sorry you are going through this. I went through something similar with my mum and husband both being gravely ill and I just had to take time off work sick.
I self-certified the first seven days and then emailed the doctors surgery explaining the stress I was under. They gave me a sick note without speaking to me and renewed it when necessary. I ended up being off work for 7 months and I absolutely needed it.

What a difficult time this is for you. So much to deal with, all sad and worrying.

Definitely get signed off. It would probably be a good idea anyway just to limit your exposure to germs for your mother's sake, but since you have so much more on your plate and no partner to share the load, you should take med leave.

Not unreasonable at all.

Is there any chance one of your parents could be transferred to the other hospital - still to be on different wards but to make life easier for you.