Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think that my DH is a grumpy arrogant pig

28 replies

moonlightdrive · 07/05/2008 23:20

God he is so getting on my nerves and making me feel like shit.

He just seems to wait until the children are in bed and then flips.

Constantly criticizing everything I do or don't do.

It seems just lately everytime he says something criticall i get this awful feeling in my stomach and feel utterly miserable.

Tonight he decided to put soda crystals in the washing machine to clean it out.
He went in to check it and it was leaking everywhere.

Cue him shouting wheres the mop and then calling me into the kitchen to ask how many times I clean the kitchen floor as it is filthy.
He even turns the fact that he has flooded the kitchen into me not cleaning it enough.
the kids have been in and out and we have been doing hte gardening.

then he comes in and says you are here for 6 hours everyday whilst the children areat school what do you do.
He says he is embarrassed at the state of the house and my family are coming to visit on the weekend.

Cue him going on about the oven and how often do i clean that,and i ask him how ofetn does he cook?
not often i always cook.

Anyone can make a cooker dirty he says.

it's just on and on about anything and everything.

How much am i sending on our DD's birthday.

He was talking to his mother on sunday on the phone and telling her i ws going over board and she was saying in her day you were lucky to get a piece of cake no party bags then.

Also DH's dad always said have the partys in the week whilst he was away working as he did'nt want a house full of kids.

DH is just becoming a miserable grumpy old git and i can't say or do anything right.

He's now gone upstairs muttering under his breath and just leaves me down here feeling crap about myself.

OP posts:
cornsilk · 07/05/2008 23:22

You are right. He is a grumpy arrogant pig.

Lauriefairycake · 07/05/2008 23:31

He is of course being a twat.

But no one can make you feel bad about yourself - how you feel about yourself is how you feel. Ignore him, all that crap about the floor is just projection because he can't work soda crystals

handlemecarefully · 07/05/2008 23:31

Sorry but he does sound like a miserable life sapping bastard. Is he always like that or was it just an off day

moonlightdrive · 07/05/2008 23:33

He seems to be getting worse since his 47th birthday,male menopause?

Am forever picking my moments to discuss with him as never seems to be a good time.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 07/05/2008 23:34

Shit - has he had a bad day or something???

ASk him to trade places for a day so he can see what it is you do/dont do........

Ledodgy · 07/05/2008 23:39

He does sound like he's being a twat but if all your children are at school what are you doing all day? Sorry, contraversial I know!

handlemecarefully · 07/05/2008 23:41

No just bigotted ledodgy and narrow minded and so many things

moonlightdrive · 07/05/2008 23:42

I know I should rise above it but he can be home from work for 10 mins and snapping at me or the children.

He has always been a bit of a grumpy git but this is something else.

His favourite saying at the moment if I ask him about anything is just do it how difficult can it be.
Making me feel useless.

He says he has to shout at me to get me to do things as I don't listen to him otherwise and why do I make him do and say these things so I will hate him.

Why is he making me feel guilty about planning out DD's party?

He keeps saying i am making to much fuss and she won't remember it and he is fed up of hearing about it.

I have orgainised all the childrens and adults food,invitations,entertainment,presents ,cards,cake and am frantically getting the house readay for the 20 children and 15 adults who will be attending.

He thinks the faires come in and do it and i am stressing too much and spending too much.

OP posts:
marmadukescarlet · 07/05/2008 23:44

Moon, must be the age DH is 48 - he's a miserable old bully too! Male menopause, has yours bought a fast car too?

Have a good old whinge about him on here, I gatecrashed another thread on Mon (?) to join in with moaning about miserable DH's.

Can't even recommend stealing all the duvet to pay him back, such a warm night he probably wouldn't mind!

Ledodgy · 07/05/2008 23:50

No but HMC if my children were at school and I wasn't working I would expect to be doing house stuff, shopping and the like most of the day, so if I did nothing then if I was working i'd be pissed off too.

Ledodgy · 07/05/2008 23:52

However reading more from OP he sounds like a controlling twat.

moonlightdrive · 07/05/2008 23:54

Most days and weekends the usual.

Washing,loading and unloading dishwasher ,cooking,hoovering,tidying etc.
I plan and orgainise all the shopping and cook everynight.
Also tidy away and dothe dishwasher.

I get the children ready for bed every night and weekends and in the mornings as he has left for work by then.

I go into school 2 afternoons a week and help my DS as part of his statement in school.

Attend any meetings that occur with regards to my son.

things that most mothers do and try to keep the children happy when they get in from school and help with their homework.

DH just make it out it is all so easy and the children are getting to the stages where they back chat a lot as well and I feel so ganged up on.

OP posts:
Ledodgy · 07/05/2008 23:56

Well he's being an arrogant tosser then, I agree.

moonlightdrive · 08/05/2008 00:00

I think DH would like the fast car but can't afford it.

Maybe 47/48 is getting too near 50 for their liking.

Just hate the way he turns everything round to find fault with me even when he is at fault.

Also try to keep the house tidy but with 2 children sometimnes you are fighting a losing battle.

OP posts:
pinkyp · 08/05/2008 00:05

DUMP HIM DUMP HIM DUMP HIM! I had a X husband like that! Hence X husband

marmadukescarlet · 08/05/2008 00:09

My DS has SN too, tbh my house isn't tidy or clean as it should be at the mo as I've had no AP or cleaner for 3 months and he only goes to nursery ams, I get 2 hours between nursery runs to do everything.

I cannot do housework whilst he is around, anyway we are too busy having fun!

I have no constructive advice. Chin up.

moonlightdrive · 08/05/2008 00:20

Thanks,at the moment feel like dumping him in the nearset skip,well he did say tidy up.

OP posts:
dittany · 08/05/2008 00:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hellish · 08/05/2008 02:03

God, you could be talking about my dh. Constantly moaning about the house being a 'shit tip' etc etc. Being rude and agressive to the children and me. Actually don't think he cares about any of us at all. All he cares about is what i have / haven't done.

Totally sympathize with you, OP. Tonight I started to argue back, as I can never 'rise above it' Got into a bit of a discussion, then DD (8) came over and whispered "just ignore him' to me and I laughed, changed the subject and refused to be goaded into any more of his petty nonsense. Hurray for dd!

Still pissed off with him tho' not sure if I can keep it up all night.

This is my advice to myself; stop, think, does it really matter ?

You know you work hard and do that the majority of your life is spent caring for your DC.

You know he is being stupid, you know he is wrong and being unreasonable.

BUT ; I don't want to break up my family over something so stupid, so I'll accept him, ignore his faults and refuse to give his petty and ignorant concerns any attention.

Ledodgy · 08/05/2008 08:43

I'm sorry I was rather drunk last night and didn't put across what I wanted to say very well. I didn't mean to imply that you did nothing all day but rather wanted to establish what you did do iyswim,for all I knew you could have been out getting your nails done and reading Heat magazine all day which of course is not the case but could have gone some way to explain his twattery although still wouldn't have excused him. However re-reading your OP with sober eyes he sounds extremley controlling and abusive. Has he always been like this or is it a recent transformation? If it is recent perhaps he is depressed and is taking things out on you which is wrong but may be improved if he was to see a Gp. If he's always been like this then if I were you I would seriously consider leaving him, he makes you feel like shit about yourself and that is not good for you or your children.

edam · 08/05/2008 08:57

He's an arrogant bully.

Don't let him make you feel bad. Don't fall for his tricks. Whenever he starts, take a deep breath and either point out calmly that he is being unreasonable OR decide to ignore him and refuse to be drawn in until he can have a civilised discussion. Treat him like a challenging toddler.

And then organise a day out for yourself, leave him with the children and housework for a WHOLE DAY, not just a few hours, so he sees just how hard you work.

windygalestoday · 08/05/2008 09:09

im happy im not alone in the grumpy dh stakes my dh is 50 nd hes awful lately

Boobalina · 08/05/2008 11:20

Poor you, sounds like OH is being very controlling and taking his frustrations of life out on you. My OH does this too as I am on maternity leave at present with DD... but I have no sleep/little baby as my defence - not that it matters some days! I turned round to him the other day and said I was happy I was doing the best I could and that was the end of it! I dont need my OH to validate my day for me. Men can be such numpty's at times. Suggest if your cleaning isnt up to his standards, he should employ a cleaner....

handlemecarefully · 13/05/2008 11:22

Hi Ledodgy

  • sorry I "told you off" on this thread . It was the night before my 40th birthday and I was feeling very cranky.

Have been away for a few days but signed in as soon as I could to apologise for my high handedness

beaniesteve · 13/05/2008 11:30

Sounds like he's having trouble dealing with the split in your roles. Seeing as he's mentioned both the money you spend and teh cleaning you supposedly don't do maybe he is feeling frustrated at being the breadwinner and thinks that you are not pulling your equivelant weight?

Swipe left for the next trending thread