I feel really quite depressed and I don’t know how to fix it

[seekingadvice987]

As the title says, I feel incredibly overwhelmed at the moment and I don’t really know where to start to get myself out of this negative mindset. I am hoping some kind strangers on here can help me figure out where to start, especially if you’ve been at a low point in your life like I am currently.

Some of the main issues:

I am obese, have been for years, hate the way I look, hate my clothes. I am currently on mounjaro but I feel like it’s not working and I am still eating junk. I don’t do any exercise and that’s partly because I have an ankle injury which has been ongoing for years which also really gets me down.

I hate my job. It’s lonely, isolating, boring. But the thought of applying for new ones and going to interviews fills me with dread.

I am single and I’ve never had a long term, serious relationship in my whole life. I went on 2 dates recently to try and make me feel better about myself. I thought they went well but one ghosted me and the other one said he wasn’t interested in anything romantic. I have got it into my head that I am not funny, or witty, or natural, as I get so nervous and worked up I can’t concentrate. I fear I am never going to meet anyone. I just want some attention from a man for self validation and to make me feel good, but I know that’s just going to set me up for failure and even more sadness.

My skin is bad, my hair is thin and in a bad state.

I lack self confidence from within and just get negative ruminating thoughts in my head telling me I can’t do things because I’ll make a fool of myself. I massively overthink and overanalyse everything.

I am already on anti depressants and have been for 4 years. I am not ready for counselling yet. I just need to tackle some of the above but I don’t know where to start 😢

(name change for this)

Anyone?

I think your first step should be weight loss.
Why not post in the Mounjaro section so posters can help you with that?
AIBU not a good place to seek support.

And Style and Beauty for skin and hair.

Start small. Go and have a cup of tea in the garden, its cold today but put a blanket over your knees and you'll be fine.

With your ankle injury can you walk at all. Go out for 5 minutes and walk around the block- tomorrow do 7. Set a timer on your phone- if you're back at 6minutes 50 seconds I'm afraid you need to walk past your front door and keep going then go back in.

Make yourself do things, but make them small.

I online food shop I eat a lot but tend to stick to veg and salad. If I don't have junk in the house it helps me.

Keep going with the job for now. Maybe join a class, languages or a book group for a bit of a mental challenge for now. Address the job challenge when you are feeling stronger. Small changes now, big changes when you're ready

Sounds like you spend a lot of time in your own head!

I'd start by doing something fun or challenging once a week. Maybe an exercise class, a hobby, a walk with friends.

Just to live a bit more, and think a bit less.

Once doing a fun thing once a week is habit, try adding a second thing.

Honestly, I find doing stuff helps me more than thinking about stuff

Join a choir. Very welcoming and uplifting.

You say you don't know where to start but you've already started. You're on Mounjaro and you're on antidepressants. They are two big steps that you've already taken. Give yourself some credit for that.

I agree with the previous poster - post in the Mounjaro section for more specific advice.

I think that your next step needs to be to start doing some form of exercise. It doesn't have to be anything too strenuous. Is your ankle up to doing short walks?

“I am not ready for counselling yet. I just need to tackle some of the above”

Not sure what you mean by being ready for counselling, but it could really help - I’d consider giving it a go

How about swimming for exercise? I suffer with chronic pain so really struggle with exercising but as soon as I get in the pool I don't feel a thing, plus it's an all body workout. It may be worth a go, perhaps use some sort of ankle support so you can try and keep that still whilst swimming along 🙂

Re your ankle injury, I would look up "percieved danger pain" or "psychosomatic pain" and how it can become chronic despite the injury no longer being present, especially when the sufferer is having a hard time, which it sounds like you are. That isn't my dismissing your pain - I've suffered from this myself. If you think of migraines, tension headaches and panic attacks, it becomes easier to believe that our mental state can affect our physical.

Assuming this works, you can get back to exercising which will hopefully make you feel better and the other problems areas should start to feel more manageable.

You've took two steps already, one by going on mounjaro, the second for seeking help and using anti depressants...and reaching out on here can be classed as a third.
Eating junk is highly likely to be comfort eating, could you possibly try to pick on more healthy foods, maybe treat yourself to a bar of chocolate twice a week but phase it out gradually.
The junk could be playing a part in the bad skin (although I bet it's not as bad as you yourself think it is).
Water, do you drink enough water? Try and aim for 1 litre a day, could help with your weight loss and is very beneficial for our skin.
Hair, I feel your pain! Fine hair is the pits. But there are loads of trendy hair styles out there that are great if you have fine hair. A few high and low lights can do wonders...plus we all feel better after a trip to the salon.
Dating, try to put that on the back burner till you feel better about yourself. True validation comes from within.
Try and get out for little walks, if your ankle plays up, use a stick. Say hello to people you see, you'll be surprised how a smile from someone can brighten our day.
Most importantly, be kind to yourself.

I can tell you’re a nice person from your post.
starting some new hobbies is what I would do.
The weight loss will come once you get to the right level of the medication from what I understand.
little changes at a time. There are better days ahead

Also get your hair done? Even with all the self-confidence issues, freshly done hair can give you the boost you need. Step 2 should be chucking away all junk food. You don't need it. Stock up on filling protein instead, and eat fruit for a sweet hit. Mounjaro should have stopped all the junk cravings, so it must be habit.

Have you seen that you have replies, @seekingadvice987?

I would start with baby steps and achievable goals that would improve your mood.

Could you go outside and manage a walk every day or get a walking mill, with your ankle injury? Or get an exercise bike to keep the weight off your ankle?

I know diet is the main way to lose weight but was just thinking of something which may immediately help to lift your mood, and a small amount of exercise can do that.

I honestly don’t have much advice because same but would it help to know I feel very similarly to you?

very very down on myself, also have it in my head that I’m not funny, witty, I’m boring etc. constant inner critic voice in my head, also in a massive slump and feel like it’s impossible to get out of it. It’s finding the motivation and courage to change any of it. to be fair I have just had a baby so probably all due to that

the one thing I keep thinking is how much better it’ll be when it starts getting lighter and warmer outside

Its worth noting here: Mounjaro (tirzepatide) can cause mental health side effects, including depression, anxiety..

Some great advice above OP, I just couldn't read and run.

You've made a start by posting here. Even with an ankle injury - Do get it checked out and get treatment if that's what's needed - you can still exercise, unless you've been medically advised not to.

Apart from exercise that doesn't put weight on it, such as swimming or doing floor exercises such as stretching, etc, you could get some kind of bandage or support and a walking stick to take the pressure off it and probably still be able to walk.

Daily walking in the open air is good for lifting your mood and depression as well as having many physical benefits.

Learn some simple techniques from books such as the classic Self-Help For Your Nerves by Dr Claire Weekes - you can read it free online from an archive library or buy it - or from Paul McKenna the hypnotist. They're easy to learn and practise.

You have identified areas of your life that you’d like to change - well done, that’s a great first step. Now you need to plan how you might make small changes and execute these.

In therapy it’s typical to identify ‘one small thing’ that can be targeted, actioned and maintained before adding another ‘one small thing’ and so on. The big picture is too much for anyone, feels overwhelming and keeps us stuck and hopeless. So use your awareness of the bigger picture to do just one thing at a time. That may be to simply move more this week; or perhaps to focus on creating/finding some affirmations to repeat each day to help with your view of yourself. Over the course of a month you’ll be doing four things to bring about sustainable change and those small things really do add up over time.

Hello everyone. Just to say I’ve seen the responses on here and there’s some really great advice which I will respond to properly tomorrow. I am feeling pretty fed up tonight as I had another date at the weekend, slept with him and now he’s giving me the silent treatment. I absolutely hate how I am basing my self worth on whether a man who I’ve spent 12 hours is messaging me, but I can’t help it 😢

How do I stop worrying and spending my whole day being anxious and sad waiting for this guy to message me? I don’t think he will, I think he’s ghosting me, and it’s making me feel so 💩

Don't go on dates to try to help you to feel better about yourself. That is a recipe for disaster. Put the dating on hold until you have focused on your own wellbeing and are in a better place mentally.

Swimming is great exercise if you have trouble walking.. can your ankle issues be fixed?

Nutrition and less processed junk. Look up gut brain axis, and improving gut health. Do not rely on dating and men for any sort of health or validation! Look after yourself first, things get better honest.

You need start small, there is a lot you have got going on here. You can't tackle it all at once. Honestly, if your ankle allows, can you get up in the morning and out for some fresh air and a short walk? Take a homemade coffee with you, listen to the radio/ book / podcast. Do you take any supplements? If not, start taking some Vitamin D. I know it's hard but eating crap will make you feel crap. I'm normally a healthy eating but going through a low mood phase where I've been ordering McD and curries! Ugh feels fun at the time but it's a bad habit. Do you have any resources for healthy eating? It's not all salad and shakes these days. Lastly, you need to focus on yourself and drop this needing a man for validation. We have all been there sure but your focus needs to be on making the small steps to feel better in your own self.