Online dating replies

Elisaismyusername · 2025-02-04T23:00:02+00:00

How do you feel about slow replies on dating apps? Ive been chatting with someone. Long messages, leading up to discussion about meeting up. Messages become less frequent, although he has given me a good reason why he is busy this week. Haven’t heard from him for 2days now. His last message was still saying he would like to meet and proposing a day. No wife for sure, found him as he gave away too much information.

Ablondiebutagoody · 04/02/2025 23:11

Did you accept the proposal?

CountryMumof4 · 04/02/2025 23:18

He could genuinely be busy. Or, as unfortunately I know because of an acquaintance of mine that tells me all his OLD stuff, busy chatting with other people. As an example, he told me on Sunday he thought he'd found the one... By Monday night he was telling me about another who was being more affectionate.. and literally an hour later started talking about another and comparing all three. Go with your gut, and be open minded in case he's genuinely got a lot on, but I suspect he's a player. Sorry OP :-(

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 04/02/2025 23:23

It’s a good idea to firm up a date sooner rather than later so you can actually meet and see if you’re suited. Messaging for a long time can build a false sense of intimacy and/or lead to overthinking, as you are.

Before you’ve met, you are totally strangers who do not owe each other any communication or explanation.

Hufflemuff · 05/02/2025 03:35

How long are the messages? If its always a war and peace exchange maybe he needs time to actually sit down, think and respond. Sometimes if I see a message like that, I think 'ugh I will have to get to that later' because it takes more mental energy than 2 lines back and forth exchange.

He's already told you he's busy too, which is quite open and communicative on his part i suppose.

PsychoHotSauce · 05/02/2025 05:12

CountryMumof4 · 04/02/2025 23:18

He could genuinely be busy. Or, as unfortunately I know because of an acquaintance of mine that tells me all his OLD stuff, busy chatting with other people. As an example, he told me on Sunday he thought he'd found the one... By Monday night he was telling me about another who was being more affectionate.. and literally an hour later started talking about another and comparing all three. Go with your gut, and be open minded in case he's genuinely got a lot on, but I suspect he's a player. Sorry OP :-(

Your acquaintance might be a player, but that doesn't mean this guy is.

Its perfectly fine to chat to multiple people, more healthy in fact than pinning all your hopes on one. But if you get into lengthy messages, it takes up a lot of time and it's tedious. I normally have at least half a dozen on the go and my replies ask questions, remember something they've mentioned previously etc. It's not like "oh it only takes a second to text back" especially when you haven't even met so they are literally an image on a screen. I would message 4 word replied to hundreds of people but i wanna get to know them, but I have a life too.

hazelnutvanillalatte · 05/02/2025 05:48

It can be hard when you're busy to keep checking the apps. In my experience if I was interested in someone I would quickly move to setting a date and chatting on whatsapp because otherwise it is too much effort and energy to keep opening the app, finding the chat, coming up with a witty reply etc. I wouldn't see it as a red flag because this was always my experience of dating apps...just overwhelming and a lot of effort on top of a busy schedule.

CountryMumof4 · 05/02/2025 07:28

PsychoHotSauce · 05/02/2025 05:12

Your acquaintance might be a player, but that doesn't mean this guy is.

Its perfectly fine to chat to multiple people, more healthy in fact than pinning all your hopes on one. But if you get into lengthy messages, it takes up a lot of time and it's tedious. I normally have at least half a dozen on the go and my replies ask questions, remember something they've mentioned previously etc. It's not like "oh it only takes a second to text back" especially when you haven't even met so they are literally an image on a screen. I would message 4 word replied to hundreds of people but i wanna get to know them, but I have a life too.

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Oh don't get me wrong - I'm certainly not saying all men are like that. I'm just using the guy I know as an example (he's definitely a player). I do get what you're saying about why you chat to multiple though. For me, I don't think I could be bothered trying to keep up with several chats, but it's certainly more efficient - there are likely lots of people that at first seem great matches and then it fairly quickly becomes apparent that they aren't.

Humanswarm · 05/02/2025 07:33

When did he propose to meet? If it's very soon, he may well think it would be a good idea to chat more face to face? Also, he said he was busy, and that seemed genuine. You could always drop a very casual message..just checking in and confirming details for date..

Original poster

Elisaismyusername · 05/02/2025 08:28

Okay, so don’t want to drop feed but he does have a child, and it’s his week with him

He proposed two options, and I kind of suggested to go with one.

I also asked if he really wants to meet up and he said he would definitely like to, it’s just a busy time but mentioned a couple of options then.

The days he suggested are within a week’s time.

I don’t want to seem too desperate though and I’d rather not meet if he is not interested.

ps I’m chatting to more guys too.

OP posts:

DownThePubWithStevieNicks · 05/02/2025 08:34

Elisaismyusername · 05/02/2025 08:28

Okay, so don’t want to drop feed but he does have a child, and it’s his week with him

He proposed two options, and I kind of suggested to go with one.

I also asked if he really wants to meet up and he said he would definitely like to, it’s just a busy time but mentioned a couple of options then.

The days he suggested are within a week’s time.

I don’t want to seem too desperate though and I’d rather not meet if he is not interested.

ps I’m chatting to more guys too.

You will seem desperate if you keep seeking reassurance before you’ve even met.

He is interested enough to meet you. He cannot know more than that until he meets you.

Ball is in his court now, let him confirm the date you selected and chill out a bit until you meet in person. And if he has shared custody, get used to not hearing from him much on his weeks if you do start dating.

ConstantCringing · 05/02/2025 19:18

He's lost interest. If he was interested it wouldn't take him two days to reply. No-one is that busy. I would move on.