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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for help making an excuse

27 replies

Pleasesendhelporwine · 04/02/2025 21:47

I’m meant to be out with a group of mum friends this weekend. To be truthful I can’t afford it, we’ve had a tax bill we weren’t expecting. I can’t tell them this at all; does anyone have any excuses you can think of I can use to pull out? I’m crap at this and want to hide under a rock. I feel awful pulling out but I can’t afford it and it’s a split the bill job which means I can’t even monitor it :(

OP posts:
TemporaryPosition · 04/02/2025 21:48

Just say you are ill

Eyesopenwideawake · 04/02/2025 21:49

"Sorry guys, a fucking red bill has landed and I can't do this time - have a great weekend!"

What's wrong with that?

SpringBunnyHopHop · 04/02/2025 21:50

Just say you can no longer join them but you hope they have a good night and you’ll be there next time.

BrightLightTonight · 04/02/2025 21:50

Eyesopenwideawake · 04/02/2025 21:49

"Sorry guys, a fucking red bill has landed and I can't do this time - have a great weekend!"

What's wrong with that?

This

Autumnblues24 · 04/02/2025 21:53

Why can't you be honest? Surely friends would understand?

PolarBear4788 · 04/02/2025 21:59

You're feeling under the weather

You need to visit family at short notice to support them with an issue

DH has double booked and you're required to do childcare that weekend or attend his event with him

Your boss has handed you a stack of work to complete with a short deadline and needs must

Christ0nABike · 04/02/2025 22:01

“I’ve got the squits”

lilytuckerpritchet · 04/02/2025 22:06

Can't afford it
Infection/on antibiotics
Child threw up
Migraine

RedHelenB · 04/02/2025 22:07

I'd tell the truth.

LoveBluey · 04/02/2025 22:32

Truth would be the best in this instance.

If you say you're ill it looks a bit flaky. If you blame childcare or other logistics they may try to find a solution for you.

If someone was honest that they'd had an unexpected bill I'd totally understand and invite them out again in the future. Other reasons would probably look like excuses and I'd think you didn't really want to go in the first place.

Frangela · 04/02/2025 22:33

Just tell the truth - we’ve all been there!

WilmaTitsDrop · 04/02/2025 22:33

"Tax bill has landed, gonna have to give it a miss this time. Have a great night".

Much easier than telling lies.

WigglyVonWaggly · 04/02/2025 22:38

You can be honest about this. Only the most awful people would not be understanding about this. If you can’t tell them you’re skint, are they real friends?

Original poster
Pleasesendhelporwine · 04/02/2025 22:41

Yeah maybe - I find it hard discussing money. People also just expect you to be able to do everything all the time…. And everything’s shot up in price. Feeling abit shit by it all. And there’s always service charges now automatically added … it becomes steep to go out

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 04/02/2025 22:43

WilmaTitsDrop · 04/02/2025 22:33

"Tax bill has landed, gonna have to give it a miss this time. Have a great night".

Much easier than telling lies.

Exactly. There seems to be no reason to lie. If they can't understand that you can't afford it under the circumstances they probably aren't even worth keeping as friends.

5128gap · 04/02/2025 22:44

I'd say I was ill. It's awkward pulling out and saying you can't afford something like this because if they're nice they'll probably say they'll buy you a drink etc. My crowd would absolutely do that. Cue even more awkward while you have to keep repeating 'no thanks' and worry they thought you were hinting. Just nessage and say you have a tummy bug . No one argues with that.

Brigitte33 · 04/02/2025 22:44

Don't feel pressured to tell the truth. It's your business.
If you really don't feel comfortable telling them that money is the issue then illness is the best option as an excuse.

Migraine or food poisoning would be good because it can only last a day / not contagious

Alwaystired2023 · 04/02/2025 22:46

Just say you are poorly, this awful flu going around. You may not want to discuss money with mum friends and that's totally fine and understandable. I would either make up an excuse that you don't feel well, or if you don't want to lie you could just say your so sorry but you can't make it anymore, huge apologies for the late notice but you hope they have a great time and you will hopefully get to join them next time

WilmaTitsDrop · 04/02/2025 22:49

Pleasesendhelporwine · 04/02/2025 22:41

Yeah maybe - I find it hard discussing money. People also just expect you to be able to do everything all the time…. And everything’s shot up in price. Feeling abit shit by it all. And there’s always service charges now automatically added … it becomes steep to go out

But you wouldn't be 'discussing money'.

You'd just be telling them you can't go because of the tax bill and that would be the end of it.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 04/02/2025 22:55

It’s perfectly fine to say unexpected bill. I’d use it as a filter. If someone’s going to be judgemental about that you don’t want to be friends with them anyway. If you’re really not comfortable saying that then short lived illness is probably your best option. I’d say migraine, but that only works if you get them so maybe just a bad headache.

thaisweetchill · 04/02/2025 22:56

So sorry guys I can't make it out tonight, hope you all have a great time and look forward to the next meet up!

kiana2015 · 04/02/2025 23:00

I wouldn't be honest as I have a hard time speaking about any issues I face. Suddenly ill, work or childcare all suffice

GreenLeaf25 · 04/02/2025 23:02

All the excuses - sound like they're excuses and I'd probably not invite you again as they don't sound like you're flaky. Just be honest, everyone will understand

Maverick66 · 05/02/2025 13:51

Oh, what a web we weave,when first we practice, to deceive .....just tell truth.
Sorry guys can't make it have a great night catch you all next time !

curious79 · 05/02/2025 13:53

say now you can't make it. It's early enough that you don't need to give a big excuse, and not so late that you seem completely lame and flakey

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