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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Should I tell the school?

19 replies

Anon1122 · 04/02/2025 17:49

So I have previously been a teacher, and I know what I would do if this was a pupil, but I just wanted to see on here as it's DD's friend and I need to know if I'm overreacting! So this is year 1, and there's a girl my DD is friends with. She seems obsessed with playing 'gynaecologists', and the other day tried to force one of their other friends to pull her trousers down, and when she said no she kept trying to force them down which made the girl cry. Said she needed to show her. Parents know and have dealt with it between them, but should school be aware? Just thinking back to my safeguarding training and this could be a red flag that something more might be going on? She lies a lot about things that can very easily be proved wrong, and seems to lie just to hurt people's feelings, doesn't seem like she's insecure and just trying to fit in. All a bit weird some of the things she tells people she's done which she clearly hasn't. Am I overreacting?

OP posts:

Midlifecrisisxamillion · 04/02/2025 17:51

100% should be made aware.

Drearycommuter · 04/02/2025 17:52

Yes I’d tell school. A kid in y3 was similarly inappropriate to my y2 kid and the teachers saw and took it quite seriously.

it’s up to them what they do with the info so no harm in telling them imo.

Original poster

Anon1122 · 04/02/2025 17:53

Thank you both, I knew that was the answer I guess I just needed to be told! I'm guessing I can just tell the safeguarding lead and they'll make a note of it? Or would they go straight to the parents?

OP posts:

Sowewenttothestation · 04/02/2025 17:55

It's up to the safeguarding lead to decide what to do. Hopefully you won't hear anything more about it. You must report to safeguarding though.

SisterMaryImmaculate · 04/02/2025 17:55

Tell the DSL at school, what happens next is up to them and you’ve done your bit passing it on.

Original poster

Anon1122 · 04/02/2025 17:57

Will report tomorrow then.

OP posts:

Sassybooklover · 04/02/2025 18:12

I work in a school and have regular safeguarding training, but even if I didn't, as a parent, this screams red flag. You need to speak to the Safeguarding Lead at the school.

starsinthedarksky · 04/02/2025 18:39

Yes, I would definitely tell school.

I once had a similar situation (I am a nursery teacher) and after an investigation, quite a lot of abuse came to light.

Better to report it and be nothing instead of not reporting it and potentially leaving a child in an unsafe situation.

It obviously doesn’t sit right with you as you’re thinking about it and asking others, trust your gut!

madnessitellyou · 04/02/2025 18:41

Yes definitely tell school!

If my dc ever tell me anything I think to myself “If this was a pupil at my school would I report it” and if the answer is yes, then I do. In fact just having that thought is enough for me.

Original poster

Anon1122 · 04/02/2025 19:42

Thanks all, my gut was definitely telling me go tell, I guess I just need to listen to it! I'm guessing in this situation I don't tell her mum any of this? She's pushing for a playdate but I just really don't want my daughter around this girl at the moment.

OP posts:

starsinthedarksky · 04/02/2025 19:46

Anon1122 · 04/02/2025 19:42

I wouldn’t tell mum, it gives her time to think of things to say if there is anything to hide or to even start making accusations against you. I’d also hold off on the play dates too.

SerenStarEtoile · 04/02/2025 19:47

Hi OP

Yes, definitely tell.

No, no play date and don’t mention to the parents.

Had a similar situation in school - 16 year old babysitting (M) cousin was abusing child.

I would keep your distance regarding playing outside school. Those parents had no idea what was going on in their house.

arcticpandas · 04/02/2025 19:53

No playdate with her OP! I worked in a nursery where a girl was obsessed about pulling down other girls' pants and said it's a game with dad. Social services was called in and yes, there was abuse. So if she's being abused you wouldn't want your daughter in that house. School should definitely know.

Moonnstars · 04/02/2025 20:00

Yes definitely tell the teacher. I would also encourage your DD to speak to a member of staff when the girl wants to play this game so they can also be aware of this.

Goldengirl123 · 04/02/2025 20:23

Please please tell the parents

Original poster

Anon1122 · 04/02/2025 20:25

Could you explain why @Goldengirl123 ?

OP posts:

TimetoPour · 04/02/2025 20:29

Absolutely report to school DSL
Definitely no play dates.

At best this is a 5/6 year old that has overheard an adult conversation about going to a gynaecologist and is now inquisitive about the situation. At worst the child could be being abused. Either way you are absolutely right to protect your own child.

Haveyouanyjam · 04/02/2025 21:07

Report to school. No play dates. You can’t tell the parents if you don’t know where the potential abuse could be coming from. But otherwise don’t discuss it with other parents. That would be unfair and you should approach a parent if you have concerns that don’t amount to abuse.

Goldengirl123 · 05/02/2025 09:46

I know a child who was recently abused and the parents didn’t know so a tell tale sign like this is huge. The child was threatened as to what would happen if he told his parents. The school will be able to involve services who can handle this properly

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