AIBU - go low/no contact with Inlaws

[clinellwipe]

My 3yo son has had D&v for over three weeks, resulting in a hospital admission over the weekend to try and find cause... perhaps coeliac , IBD or just a very bizarre virus.

Both him and I are so sleep deprived. He's traumatised from IV cannula etc , worsened by his (likely but awaiting formal diagnosis) of autism. He's lost so much weight. I'm 28 weeks pregnant and I've lost weight from the stress of everything. We still don't have answers but have a referral to paediatrics.

I haven't heard a thing from any in laws . No txts from the two SIL, nothing from MIL and FIL. My husband got one brief txt from MIL when he told her about our son "Hope he feels better soon". They all know what's happened with him.

Background to avoid drip feed:
Very emotionally cold family - including my husband tbh. No one contacted or said congratulations to either me or my husband with my second pregnancy. No one has messaged in the last 7 months to ask about pregnancy, gender or even the due date. No one contacted or sent a card for DS 3rd birthday (he's at an age where even a 20 second video message on WhatsApp would have been really lovely for him). They seem to dislike me and DH but all seem to dislike each other too. I THINK they'll want to see the baby for cuddles but honestly I feel like avoiding them forever

Ps - might seem really petty! But I let my two SILs choose bridesmaid dresses for our wedding and I asked them to order and I sent them the money. I later found out when one of them later blurted it out that they had saved money with her student discount... but they had charged me "full price"... ie they made about £30 profit. I know £30 a small amount but wtf

Sorry if I sound OTT or petty. I've been up since 1am with our son so I'm very tired.

Husband has got involved about two or three nights over last three weeks and didn't do any hospital overnights etc... but that is for a different thread (!!!!!!!)

Some of my family are very emotionally cold but I expect this from them hence this wouldn’t surprise me. I assume your expectations are similar. Because I know they are like this I don’t get disappointed, and would find it far stranger if they showed an interest.

I assume you are already low contact so perhaps just keep it as that and expect nothing.

Thanks for responding. My family is the other end of the spectrum and very close... I suppose that skews my view of what to expect. My parents have gone above and beyond and I'm really grateful for their support

I would just not contact them and see when you hear from them next.
Leave the ball in their court.
I’ve got to an age where if people don’t step up in my time of need then I don’t step up in their time of need either. It makes it a bit transactional, but it’s better for your mental health. If they text with a problem do the same thing as they do to you ‘oh dear, hope you manage to sort it out soon’.
I wouldn’t do anything dramatic, just match their (non) energy and do nothing.

If you come from a family that’s very warm and expressive, then it’s unsurprising their behaviour feels hurtful. I tend to assume the best motives for other peoples’ actions; I haven’t walked in their shoes. I don’t know what their life has been like, how they themselves were parented. Lots of people go low/no contact for very good reasons, but your posts don’t suggest this is the case here.

Incidentally, my dh will never contact family or close friends when they’re having a tough time, particularly with medical stuff. He sees it as inserting himself unnecessarily and considers it rude. His family are bloody lovely, but they have a tough-it-out/no drama approach to adversity and would wait for others to get in touch rather than get in touch themselves.

I second this approach

I'm sorry about your son and I hope he feels better soon. Your DH sounds pretty detached and uncaring.

I'm glad your own family are warm and supportive. I doubt your in-laws will make an effort when your baby is born, but if they want to visit, only let them come if you feel comfortable with it. Given their cold and callous behaviour, you would be perfectly entitled to refuse.