AIBU to not want to commit to visiting my cousin?

[PralinePraline]

My Cousin has just married an Australian man, is expecting her first child and has just moved to Brisbane. She’s asked and keeps asking if I could give her some dates when I can visit but beyond the incredible nature, Australia isn’t a country that appeals to me at all. I have no desire to visit it plus it’s expensive and I’d rather use my annual leave for my own use not to visit a country I don’t care for.

I have a few friends there who would like me to visit too but again it doesn’t appeal the thought of spending so much money and a long flighy(I detest flying).

Perhaps I’ll visit eventually but I have no desire to make plans now.

AIBU to not want to make plans to visit?

And do you feel
obliged to visit relatives or friends who have moved abroad?

Unless you've always been particularly close to your cousin than YANBU. Australia also doesn't really appeal to me either so I get what you mean. Perhaps she is feeling lonely/home sick and wants family around. All you can do is say the flight is too long for you as you hate flying.

No, you don't have to want to do this, and you definitely don't have to actually do it.

I think that people who move to the other side of the world have to be realistic in their expectations of other people visiting.
The onus is on her to visit if she wants to see people.

“Thank you for the invite, to be honest it’s not something I could do financially at the moment. I’m also not the best flyer so the flight time is a factor too. Perhaps we could FaceTime at some point?”

No. My brother moved to nz we have no plans to spend a small fortune visiting, we've been there done that, it's too bloody far and we wan family holidays. They moved, I'm not obligated to visit.

Presumably you’re UK based so no, this is absolutely no unreasonable. It’s the other side of the world and costs hundreds to go.

Thanks all. Interesting to hear your opinions.

Yes I’m in the UK so it’s an incredibly long flight and a lot of money to get there. Money that I’d prefer to keep for other purposes.

Is she actually asking when you can visit her? In Australia? That's very cheeky. I would tell her it's not possible for time being.

I'd love to go to Australia but am put off by the long flight amd high cost. You need at least 2 weeks, and even that's not really long enough. It's perfectly reasonable not to go.

“When can you come and visit me in Australia?”

”When you pay for my flights and accommodation”.

I am guessing she is feeling a bit lonely and isolated. However, when you move away, you can not expect people to drop everything and suck up the incredible expense to visit.

I think you do need to be honest and say hi cousin. To be honest, at the moment, I can not commit the finance or leave commitments to travel to Australia. Let me know when you are back in the UK or Europe, and I will try to fit in with those dates.

I think she's sadly deluded if she thinks relatives will be able to just hop on a flight to see her, she's putting you in a difficult position by asking you specifically. You will have to say you have no plans to visit but stay in touch via video call.

I guess if you don't like flying and can't afford it, fair enough. But if this was me, I'd be off like a shot. Free accommodation in Australia and a baby to cuddle? Yes please!

I’m in a similar position. It’s a lovely idea to imagine visiting at some point, but it’s not a priority at all. My cousin moved a few years ago now, has had children, and is at the point of being upset that more relatives haven’t been to visit them in Australia. It’s just not that appealing as a holiday destination.

I can afford it but I have a move planned and would much rather keep the money for that, and I really do detest flying. Plus it isn’t a country that holds any appeal for me beyond the wildlife.

I’m also not fond of her husband who is a typical Aussie. I do have sympathy for her though especially as I know that she’s struggling to adapt though it’s relatively early days but it isn’t a country that I’d actively choose to visit unless I wanted to go on a wildlife holiday and the money would be of more use to me for my move than a holiday that I don’t really want to go on.

Absolutely this!

YANBU It’s a bloody long way and also extremely expensive to get there.

I’m with you OP, Australia just doesn’t appeal to me and it’s so far away I wouldn’t want to spend money or annual leave going there.

Hi Cuz, I know you keep asking and are keen for me to visit but its just not possible to spare the time or cash right now, so sorry. Its stressful that you keep asking so can we just drop the subject for now. Thanks

I would tell her, "I'm really sorry, but I wont be visiting as I'm terrified of flying. To catch up we can face time at a time that suits us both? Let me know."

Agree with the others. Tell her you can't.

You could organise a wee FaceTime (or other medium) chat with her and perhaps some other family members you're close with. A party per sae if that would help her. Or a once a month video group chat or something?

YANBU at all not to want to spend so much money going to Australia- it’s quite bonkers that she’s asked in these terms!

YABU a bit to use “typical Aussie” as an insult though.

Thanks all. I’ll try to arrange to chat with her more often as I know that she’s struggling to adapt.

He is a typical Aussie in my opinion and experience though.