At the end of my wits with my 2 year old

[Firstimemum24]

my daughter just turned 24 months and refuses to touch any food now that it is not yogurt , toast or milk , she says no to everything else ? Any other parents 😞
she also not able to use cutlery , only the fork

That sounds difficult. If you’re in the U.K. have you had her two year review with the HV?

Her use of cutlery sounds pretty normal, so I wouldn't worry about that.

Pickiness I think is also normal. Can you sneak fruit and veggies onto toast and into yogurt for now? And make sure she is getting a daily vitamin. I would keep giving her other foods, but also allow her to have the ones she likes and will eat. Don't turn it into a battle.

Get in touch with a HV in the local area for support if you are in the UK.

I have a toddler too and being honest, they do get picky around the 2 year stage. I’ve got one mum friend who told me their child lived off grapes and air for weeks on end.

Your DD has started to become her own person, realises she can make choices and be independent. Most of the time they control their food intake because it’s one of the only things they can control.

My advice would be to offer a safe food every meal time but keep adding other foods next to it. Don’t show stress, don’t ask her to eat, don’t force anything or try and put forks of brocolli near her mouth.

Start small, for example adding different toppings onto her toast or adding fruit / oats in her yogurt. Try foods similar in texture so like custard instead of yogurt etc.

I still stand by getting in contact with a professional that can give you advice just in case there’s an underlying issue like afrid - but it’s most likely a phase

Hi x yes I am in the uk and did the 2 year old review with the health visitor and also tried to get a referral for a paediatrician but because her communication skills and the personal social area are off the charts we got refused at this age .

Sound pretty normal. My 3 year old can only use a fork and spoon, although tries with a knife.

To get through the picky stage, we just stuck to not offering 1000 different things to keep her happy. We learnt from our first this would just make it worse and last longer. She get a choice of breakfast or lunch (between 3 things) and dinner is 90% of the time whatever we are all eating. Its take a bit of perseverance. We still have periods of not eating what she is given but I think she gets now it is that or a banana (our backup if you eat nothing food)

Thats tough but in my experience normal. Shes getting carbs, dairy, bit of protein. Can you sneak fruit into a milkshake? Or homemade jam on toast?
Give her a multivitamin and wait it out. Unless shes getting sick/dropping weight or has other developmental concerns, then seek professional help.

Thank you ☺️ I have heard of ARFD and I know it is only found in people on the spectrum? I am right ?

I’m not too sure, I know a couple of people with afrid now adults and eat a bit better (they are both on spectrum)

I know it doesn’t help but try not to stress, put a daily vitamin in her milk or yogurt and try little bits of new foods along with what she likes but in my opinion no amount of stress can change what your toddler eats, it just makes it worse as they can sense you stressing x

Just saw your other posts. ARFIDs not only for autistic people. But dont jump to that yet. My kid ate only chicken nuggets, rice cakes and smoothies for nearly 2 years. From 2 to 4. He got over it & hes a great eater now.

I would, whilst waiting on your HV or other professional advice, just give her what she wants.

It isn’t the end of the world for a period of time. Once the fight goes out of the situation you might find she relaxes and eats different things. Or, she might not, but at least she’s eating something.

I would also try to slowly and with no fuss sneak other food in, so raspberry ‘jam’ on the toast, small bits of fruit in the yoghurt if she would tolerate it or just puree mixed in, maybe a smoothie once she’s bored of just milk.

2yr olds are fairly awful, it does get better

There is a good short booklet called Getting The Little Blighters To Eat by Claire Potter. It has short and concise tips for all aspects of food fussiness etc.

From my experience just keep offering a wide range of foods and don’t fall into the trap of only serving up what she currently only wants. Don’t make a fuss if she doesn’t eat something, ignore the whining for wanting to eat snacks constantly, watch her milk intake as milk is a food and will fill her up so she’s not hungry for actual food, eat with her and model good behaviour at the table. Don’t worry about her cutlery use yet (although I’m sure someone will be along to tell you that their DC have been cutting their own food up since they were 13 months old..).

I forgot to say one thing I would do is ensure not to offer other food if they refuse what you give them

for example if you offer toast cereal and fruit for breakfast and she doesn’t touch any despite knowing she does eat toast, don’t then panic and offer her yogurt. I found that my son would realise I’d give give him something else if he didn’t want what I offered

We also dropped to offering milk 2 times a day, after a few weeks my son started to eventually eat more x

she still has milk before breakfast and before her nap at 11 but only 3 ounces so I thought it can’t be that . I am worrying it is something more like a sensory issue because she asks for food and I believe that she is looking for her safe food

I’ve just come out of this with my 2 1/2 year old.

The key for me was weaning her off her milk. She was still having a large bottle in the morning, before naptime, and before bed, which was filling her up and meant she wasn’t eating her meals properly.

I weaned her off it for potty training, and it miraculously meant that she now eats her meals, or at least most of them.

Maybe too much milk is an issue here too?

Don’t stress too much - many of my friends’ DC went through a very fussy stage, and are now good eaters.

Thank you for your words xx I am a FTM and I have always thought that “ fussy eating “ is as about eating small portion but a nonetheless a good variety ☺️

It can be a sign of something else. But can also be a small child learning how to exert autonomy and influence. They don't have much power, saying no to something on their plate is one form available to them (as is no to shoes, nap, etc)

Just chill out, act like it's no big deal, maybe present a choice (cheese sandwich or ham etc) so she feels more in control.

Yes I believe it is a sign of something else . I just never come across it for a child who’s not on the spectrum

I had one of those with the exact same preferences funnily enough. Now 19 and still bloody picky, but better obviously. DS meanwhile ate everything as both a toddler and teen. I just kept persisting with things to try. I had the most success in a non pressure situation. For example, we would be out and about and would get something for lunch for me and put a small amount either on her tray/table/hand and not make a fuss about it at all. She was more likely to try then. It did get easier as she got older, but she is still pernickety and sticks to foods she knows she likes. She is trying to push herself as a New Years Resolution this year! No special needs. DS has autism and is one of the most adventurous eaters I've ever met!

I know it might sound silly but thank you for your words xx. I wish I was more relaxed but it breaks my heart when my dd says food I bring her some and then she says “no “

You don't sound silly at all! I remember the frustration and worry when DD wouldn't eat anything but bloody Petit Filous. I did find that reacting to refusals in any kind of big way didn't help. No begging or bribing or upset. If I just gave options without comment and in relaxed situations she was more likely to actually put something in her mouth. Also, I had some more success when she was around other children eating. She kind of joined in unknowingly as she was so distracted. DD is 19, healthy, happy and working full time. It does work out in the end! You'll be fine 💗

My son was a fantastic eater up till 18months, would try anything.

he was also a fantastic eater after 2 years, wide range of foods from around the world.

between the age of 18 months and 2 years, however, his diet was

milk
vanilla ice cream
boiled potatoes
butter.

and that’s it.

It’s very possibly just a stage she’s going through - don’t make a big deal of it and hopefully it will pass.