Hi All, so here goes...
Just for reference my daughter (DD) 19yrs and her boyfriend (BF) 22 yrs, have been together for about a year.
This is DD first proper boyfriend and she is loved up so can't see any thing wrong and no bad in him, always defending him and trying to make out he is better than he is. Where he is a lazy chap with no ambition to find a job and have a career. He is a cling on, this is not me being rude he is emotionally abusing her, he won't leave her alone and follows her around everywhere and even gets jealous when she spends time with her family and is constantly on the phone messaging her trying to get her to go to his and not stay at home with family as he wants her all to himself.
She was a top student and since meeting him her grades started going downhill and did not do well at her exams as he was always on the scene and telling her it doesn't matter and lets go and do things.
She luckily managed to get into university which was what she really wanted to do and to be honest we thought the relationship would ease off, but it hasn't. As soon as DD comes back from uni to see family he is going on at her to see him and stay at his (he lives with his mum) and we just found out he is also going to her uni all the time he stays there once or twice a week (at night) as that is all the uni allows but he is there alot more than that in the day. It is a bit weird and worrying that it's affecting her uni work and being this is going to be a big debt after uni and she's hoping to get a good career, the last thing she needs is to throw it all away as her BF is distracting her.
Her friends from uni have even said he is always hanging about he doesn't talk to them or make conversation or anything he just hangs around on his phone almost stalking her. DD is also a musician and when playing with her band he goes along but not there supporting her and cheering her on etc he just stands at the bar looking bored on his phone drinking, but has to be there and when she is isn't performing he is just following her around it is honestly odd and looks daft, it's like he doesn't want her having a life/fun.
DD thinks it's just because he loves her and wants to be with her she has no idea but it really isn't normal.
You try and have a conversation with him and you can barely get anything out of him, he is constantly on his phone and may say hello and that's it really. He is so difficult, he leans into her and mumbles so doesn't have an actual conversation and/or involve anyone else. DD also said he gets anxious and worries about things when she is not with him but when she is there he has someone to be with and takes his mind of things so she feels like she needs to be there for him as she is helping him!
My point is, this is not normal and I am so worried about DD and don't know what to do. My husband (her Dad) keeps saying we should speak to her, but I am worried this may make things worse, we have a good relationship with DD we always have done, we are quite a close family and always there for her and she knows this. Saying something worries me it may upset her and the last thing we want is her running to him.
Anyone been in similar situation... Any advice... Do I just leave it or should we say something ?