Why are people so harsh on the AIBU

[Justlivelovelaugheat]

I feel like people never offer good or moreover NICE advise? Why are replies always so miserable and harsh lol

At the risk of proving your point that’s a really odd adjective to use. Advice shouldn’t be nice it should be good or useful etc.

lots of people offer good advice , or advice they think is helpful, some people are twats as they get a kick out of it. Some people are harsh as that’s how they treat themselves. But like „real life“ really. And some posters make you think how do you get through the day?!

As an example I find your post irritating, nice in capitals, advice spelt wrong, using lol and no full stop. And no examples of what you are describing. So much like aibu I’ve got choices, ignore it or say something horrible.

Perhaps.
I also think many here are too easily offended. Time and again I see posts being reported and deleted when they contain no personal attacks nor do they break the talk guidelines. Or threads being pulled entirely because the OP doesn’t like that the majority haven’t agreed with them. Or other people suggesting entire threads should be pulled because they don’t like the tone of them. Lest we read something we don’t like.

It’s a bold move, wandering onto AIBU with Live Love Laugh in your username and doing a goady post. We do the “MN is horrible” thread once a week, I think. Are you perhaps on the wind-up?

Sometimes a post can touch a nerve - perhaps because you've experienced a similar thing from the opposite point of view - and then it's easy to feel as though you're posting to the person who you feel wronged you IRL, rather than the OP.

True.

Because your not asking for advice your asking if your being unreasonable if you want advice try chat

I actually think that if you analyse most posts, most mumsnetters do actually try to be helpful and sympathetic (unless the poster is coming across as really unpleasant) the problem is, this site does attract people who, for whatever reason, are spoiling for a fight and enjoy being harsh in a way that they probably wouldn't dare in real life. Because those harsh comments sting, they stand out and make people feel as if the whole thread is attacking them...which is often not the case.

So you've never noticed all the kind supportive posts?

Nice isn't always what is needed. If you want "oh poor you, there there, yes make this really stupid choice, you do you" advice then you're in the wrong place. And to be fair, AIBU isn't an advice or support forum anyway, is it?

There are undoubtedly people who pile in to be mean just for the sake of being mean but just like real life, sometimes posters need a few home truths.

I imagine a lot of Mumsnetters have mental health problems because they don't much like their partners - even if they claim to be 'a team'. They are exhausted by running round after their children, doing the bulk of the housework, trying not to age or put on weight, and generally keeping up a facade. One of the few pleasures readily available to them is giving other women - who have the nerve to admit they are struggling - a good (anonymous) kicking.

YANBU. There’s a majority who get off on talking to people like crap. It’s an anonymous outlet I guess.

It can be harsh, but over the years (with NC) I've had some amazing advice and support here. Much more on the nice side than the nasty. I just take the nasty bits on the chin or totally ignore if it's just silly trolling nonsense. I've never seen a forum that doesn't have a similar amount of harsh -you should have seen the group my nan was on for knitting on Facebook! Savage.

There are loads of excellent replies! Good advice, buckets of empathy, insightful and interesting points made and some lol wit. Yes there's a handful of irritating unpleasant and daft responses, but they're the minority. I think its important to remember that while people may be seeking advice, it's not therapy or an agony column. It's a bunch of randoms passing time and the culture of that either aligns with what you want or it doesn't.

Talking about other people’s. I seen a woman being slated being called a bad mom for not being able to control her 2 year old and I thought wow that’s harsh. Just wondering why it’s so cut throat sometimes.

I love that. That’s such a real responses. Don’t forget them saying things they’d never say to other peoples faces as well.

Did you go on to the thread and offer some balance by being supportive of her? Because that's a lot more productive if you think people are being treated harshly or the replies are wrong than complaining about the harshness. No ones going to change because of these threads, but offering an alternative view on the threads at the time can make people think and may help the OP.

A minority of respondents have something going on in their lives that makes them mean to others, or maybe they are horrible people. But in general, the aim is to give the OP a sense of whether they are being unreasonable or not.

It’s implicit in the title that the original poster might be unreasonable, so they do need to realise that they might be told that they are. Sometimes very bluntly.

Other boards such as Parenting exist for a gentler experience.

You never know what threads are going to get a pile on. But when they do it is utterly horrible to read. I disagree that advice doesn’t have to be ‘nice’. Most posters looking for advice are struggling and need support.

Why do I kind of like the idea of a savage knitting group? 🤣

And minutes after that I read horrible comments on other people’s threads. You must have premium no ?