Who gets to choose??

[Motomum23]

Light hearted AIBU.
if you are in a long term relationship and something in your home needs replacing does the person who uses the item get to choose it or should it be a joint decision??
I'm not talking about joint use I am in this case specifically talking about saucepans when one of the couple hasn't cooked anything bar freezer crap into the air fryer in the entire 20 year relationship??
I want to get a tefal ingenio set my OH wants me to buy stainless Steel that can be scrubbed. I cook everything he washes up say 50% of the time.
I say it's like me weighing in on which tool set to buy and getting arsey when my view isn't considered. My OH tends to be a bit opinionated and I'm standing up for myself more and more rather than giving in for an easy life. So I'm curious in other relationships do you give in when it really makes no odds to the other person or stand up for what you want???

We make decisions together. Agree with PP this sounds like tip of the iceberg.

I choose my battles, and give in for an easy life sometimes. It just depends on the importato me.

Think best idea would be him paying 100% for a dishwasher.

Not really I mean I wouldn't leave him over saucepans I just don't see why he would care what sort I bought if he doesn't use them... I'm curious if other men care about things they don't use really.

We bought our first dishwasher at Christmas time actually which is why I don't care about needing to scrub a pan anymore.

Well me. I always win. 🤣

It's because I research to find out the best value of what we need and read reviews whereas DP generally picks something because he saw it on a shelf in B&M. I'm alright with impulse buying but not for important things.

We decided together when we bought new white goods when we moved. Something less expensive like pans I would just get what I wanted, probably wouldn't even mention we had new ones tbh

Whoever uses it decides, but a bit muddy in this case as he 'uses' them to wash up some of the time and he's trying to make his life easier, there.

In your case I'd compromise and buy hexclad, which is non stick and can be scrubbed. Pricey, but worth it.

You say he gets start arsey when his view isn’t considered. Well, tell him you’ve considered his view, and still want the tefal ones.

Ironically he doesn't care about the big things - I bought /chose the white goods as he had no opinion as long as they function as needed.

Agree with pp's that your husband is being an arse but to answer the question asked.... you should definitely get to choose if you're the one using them.

I do the vast majority of the cooking in our house because I enjoy it and DH doesn't. He can and will but both of us prefer it if I do it. Consequently the pans, knives etc. have all been my choice. We've discussed it but it's my preference that takes the lead. Up to and including spending well north of £100 a knife on a couple of gorgeous Japanese knives!

You will be using them every day and if they don't quite do the job you want you'll just resent him more and more every time you use them!

You cook, you choose.

I'm not going to comment on the apparent unfair division of labour in your house as that wasn't your question, but if he is washing them up even half of the time, then he is allowed an opinion. The material of the pans is relevant to how they are cleaned. I wouldn't put it past him to scrub them if he doesn't agree with your choice. Whether you can live with that/ him, is up to you.

And to answer your other question, no, he has no view on things he doesn't use, and would consult me on things he does and I don't. Not because I have an opinion (I don't) but because I'm much better than him at choosing things.

Ds2, otoh, will have an opinion on anything that anyone buys that could even conceivably be considered tech. Including coffee machines, when he neither drinks nor makes coffee (ever).

I cook all the time, I choose the saucepans.

Having said that, I have 5 heavy based stainless steel pans and three non-stick pans so I value both types.

I just buy whatever I want and he does the same. I chose the vacuum cleaner, floor cleaner, new saucepans, small kitchen appliances. He has zero interest in what we have - just that the are practical and useable.

He chooses all the tools, as my views on tools are the same as his on appliances.

When we had the kitchen refitted, I told him what size washing machine drum I thought was best for our use, what type of induction hob and oven that I liked, and left him to choose which model we had. I didn't feel it needed deep discussion. (Thinking about it, I chose the kitchen as well - he wasn't bothered about style, colour etc, so left me to it.)

If he started grumping about what I'd chosen and bought, he'd get no sympathy at all, and vice versa 😅

Just to nit pick but if he's cleaning the pans at least half the time he does have skin in the game

Not an issue in our household because I don't feel the need to discuss my purchases.

If I cooked all the time then I would choose the saucepans. I would avoid any with a non stick coating on though and always stick to stainless steel.

I think non stick pans are something he gets to have an opinion on as damaged non stick coatings can be a health hazard. The coating gets damaged so easily, especially in the dishwasher. You could end up having to throw them away pretty soon but stainless steel lasts forever and a day.

This is probably most of his point - and I'm only half tempted by the tefal pans so I'm really testing myself to see if I'm being stubborn for the sake of it. I'd buy hexclad in a heartbeat but then I'd be forever justifying the expense.

For those who have commented on the unfair division of Labour you aren't wrong... but I love my kids more than I dislike my husbands attitude towards housework and if I left him I'd have to do it all anyway so it's very much a moot point.