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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Deposit politics!

35 replies

Cinderella37 · 03/02/2025 08:45

We'd booked a villa abroad with another couple (including my best friend / bridesmaid) 14 months in advance as we got a good deal. Each couple paid a deposit of £350 on booking. A few months later I found out I was pregnant with my first child (we hadn't planned it at that point in time but it was happy news). I told my friend and she asked about the holiday - I said we'd be ok to go still, our baby will be 5 months by that point. My friend however said they didn't want to go with a baby in tow (a bit frustrating but I understood their concerns that it wasn't what they'd signed up for). She's now requested that I send them £350 being their share of the deposit. This will mean I'll have paid £700 deposit and also have to shoulder the entire £2500 cost of the villa unless I can find others to go with. We probably can't afford this as I'll be on maternity leave. I can understand they don't want to come on the holiday but think its a bit unfair requesting the deposit back before we've even found someone else to take their place.

YABU - pay them their share of the deposit
YANBU - do not pay them the deposit, it is their decision not to come

OP posts:

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 03/02/2025 10:05

First things first- who is the lead on the booking? As in, who gets the bill? Assume it’s you with the following, but it’ll limit what you can do if it’s them.

If it’s you, contact the company you’ve booked with, explain one couple has dropped out, is there any way you can transfer the deposit already paid to another, smaller villa holiday for us you, DP and DC. ThIs far in advance they might be able to do that for a fee that’s less than the cost of losing your deposits.

If you can’t do that, I’d say to your friend that you can’t find a replacement so the options are you don’t go and she finds a replacement for you (you and dp book a separate holiday) or you cancel the holiday and both lose the deposits.

whatdoyouthink123456 · 03/02/2025 10:47

@Cinderella37 I guess you never know. Maybe they have had pregnancy loss or something which has caused this reaction.

If I was in their situation, I would have discussed options before demanding a deposit back. Especially if she's your best friend.

I don't agree with all the 'you've changed the T&Cs' rubbish. These things happen. You can still sit around the pool and drink with a 5 month old?! I travelled around the world with a 4 month old, so it's hardly life limiting.

I would call the company and find out your options? Can you cancel? Can you move it to another property?

Bigfellabamboo · 03/02/2025 11:00

MySpringAir · 03/02/2025 09:10

The person who pulls out looses their deposit. It's not on you to cover that.

But they've pulled as op is drastically changing the holiday.

AnSolas · 03/02/2025 11:03

MiraculousLadybug · 03/02/2025 09:36

"@Cinderella37 sorry but you changed the T&C and the holiday is a not as advertised"
LMAO she's not a bloody travel agent this is total nonsense.

OP hope your parents can go as that sounds best all round.

Edited

@MiraculousLadybug
You could try be brave and laugh directly @ me rather than just hurting your mouth.

Bigfellabamboo · 03/02/2025 11:03

whatdoyouthink123456 · 03/02/2025 10:47

@Cinderella37 I guess you never know. Maybe they have had pregnancy loss or something which has caused this reaction.

If I was in their situation, I would have discussed options before demanding a deposit back. Especially if she's your best friend.

I would call the company and find out your options? Can you cancel? Can you move it to another property?

But that was your own baby on your own trip presumably. That's vastly different to holiday plans being changed as someone else brings their baby. Of course they can all still lounge around the pool. With the back drop of a tired screaming baby and not being able to spontaneously do anything because of X y and z baby needs.

Alalalala · 03/02/2025 11:05

Of course she doesn’t want to go for a relaxing holiday with a screaming baby!

You've moved the goalposts so you need to reimburse her.

whatdoyouthink123456 · 03/02/2025 11:08

@Bigfellabamboo well yes, obviously. My point is, life isn't over with a baby. Some babies are easy (mine was) and some parents are chilled (we are) having a baby didn't stop us for doing much.

What plans have been changed?

Mischance · 03/02/2025 11:10

Well that's cheeky and not very friendly. Tell her you will reimburse her if you manage to find a substitute. Otherwise tell her no.

Bigfellabamboo · 03/02/2025 11:18

whatdoyouthink123456 · 03/02/2025 11:08

@Bigfellabamboo well yes, obviously. My point is, life isn't over with a baby. Some babies are easy (mine was) and some parents are chilled (we are) having a baby didn't stop us for doing much.

What plans have been changed?

What plans have changed? The entire vibe of the holiday has changed from couples to a baby coming along? I'm sure you can imagine the difference in couples only holiday to a baby on holiday.
Of course life isn't over with a baby 🙄 I don't think anyone has suggested that but the friend doesn't want to go on holiday with a baby and she's perfectly entitled to feel like that.

whatdoyouthink123456 · 03/02/2025 11:25

@Bigfellabamboo
Surely the holiday will be what they make it? Were they expecting to do everything as a 4 the whole week?!

If it was me I'd just enjoy my holiday- go out for lunches, go on days out, go out for drinks etc. the baby isn't their problem 🤷🏻‍♀️

I don't think the OP should feel bad. If her friend wants to cancel that's her choice, but at the friends expense.

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