Breast cancer and low today

CommunitySpirits · 02/02/2025 23:05

I’m sorry, it’s totally understandable you’re feeling this way. Try not to feel the pressure to be positive all the time, you have enough on your plate x

Confusedmeanderings · 02/02/2025 23:14

It's ok to feel low, even if you think others have it worse than you. Give yourself permission to feel upset. You have loads on your plate at the moment. Is there someone that you can talk to?

Original poster

Justalittlehandhold · 02/02/2025 23:16

In fairness my DH is amazing! Everyone around me is amazing. I’ve done this whole thing of “I’m fine, I’m lucky” which now I feel I can’t retract.

But that’s me, not them.

OP posts:

MrsJHernandez · 02/02/2025 23:20

You don't need to worry about the "what if I didn't have a mammogram". You did, and luckily seems to have been caught in time.

I can only imagine how painful the surgery was. And it's totally normal for you to be positive on some days and low on others. It's OK if you want to cry sometimes. You don't need to be positive for others' sake.

Please don't be hard on yourself. You've been through a lot in a month. Just take one day at a time and get well again x

TheFormidableMrsC · 02/02/2025 23:30

Hi OP, fellow BC person here. I'm just at five years, waiting for my mammo. I also had an early stage, thankfully contained, but aggressive cancer. It's shit. I was diagnosed 3 days before lockdown 2020. I had my surgery on lockdown day. I was a lone parent to an AuDHD 8 year old. Tough times! I managed all my active treatment with excessive exercise. I didn't have a single side effect. Also cold capping saved 80% of my hair. You will get through this and you will be ok. Try and find things that will make you feel better. It's such a bloody tough road but it's temporary and you will come out the other side

Boxingshibes · 02/02/2025 23:40

Think positively they caught it early. It's a massive shock so treat your self carefully.
I've had stage 3 cancer 15 years ago had a mastectomy then last year stage 2 cancer another mastectomy.
What is should have done 1st time round was talk about my feelings to everyone how scared I was etc.
My advice is talk get that support around you. Ask for help!

TheFormidableMrsC · 02/02/2025 23:40

And also, try not to dwell on "what ifs". I went into the GP (after a battle on the phone) and the practice nurse said she thought it was a cyst. I didn't think it was a cyst, I've had lots of lumps and this was totally different, I knew it was dodgy. She wanted to try and get me in to see a GP and I said that I just wanted a referral. I got it but it was reluctant! Thank goodness! Had I accepted what she said I probably wouldn't be here now. I certainly wouldn't have had the seamless treatment I did because of the pandemic. You have to see this as a positive!

Endofyear · 02/02/2025 23:58

Love you, you're allowed to have down days and feel what you feel! You don't have to be positive all the time, you're allowed to feel angry or sad or sorry for yourself OP. Life is bloody unfair and you don't deserve to have this horrible illness 😔

Have a good cry, ask DH for a cuddle and do whatever you need to make yourself feel better. You're as brave as a lion to have got through what you have. Look after yourself lovely 💐

Ella31 · 03/02/2025 00:53

Justalittlehandhold · 02/02/2025 23:02

Posting for traffic and people’s experience.

Just before Christmas I was diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer, but its stage 3 in terms of aggressiveness.

I’ve had my lumpectomy, l’ve had genetic testing, which is negative. Chemo and radio to follow. But I’m certain I’ll live, whereas others don’t.

Everyone is amazed at how well I’ve dealt with this, how I’ve been so positive, so brave etc.

Today, I’ve felt so low, I’ve got the most awful headache and I’m sore from surgery and I just can’t feel
positive today. I’m tearful and have come to bed to just be alone and cry. I keep catastrophising and thinking if I’d not got for my routine mammogram, what then.

Please be kind, I just need a little handhold.

I’m sorry for everyone that’s in a worse position. I truly know I’m “lucky”, but today for the first time I’m not feeling it.

First of all, don't apologise for feeling bad, you have every right to. You have been dealt an awful blow. I won't pretend to understand what going through cancer is like I haven't, but I do understand the weird feelings of "happy go lucky vibe" aura you can put out. I had a terrible loss last year, really bad and I think my coping mechanism was to show others, I'm fine, I'm doing great and then all of a sudden, the horrific grief and depression set in and I felt utterly awful and I found it hard to pretend I was ok. But actually acknowledging I wasn't and it's ok to cry and feel low actually was healing in one way because I didn't have to keep those walls up.

You don't have to apologise for being lucky. There's nothing lucky about what you went through and it's a wonderful thing you are still here. As I said my loss was horrific last year but it doesn't mean I consider those more fortunate to have come through similar situations as less than me. I'm actually really relieved for them.
So head up, talk to someone. Anyone. Its good to vent and well done you xxx

LittleBigHead · 03/02/2025 02:26

Oh, I'm so sorry. A friend of mine was diagnosed earlier this year and the wait for a treatment plan & stuff to begin has been taking too long. And she's only 39. But breast cancer is largely curable. Hang in there.

And yes, you're allowed to feel low. You are facing a mortal disease. It's OK - quite normal really, to be low and scared.

MyProudHare · 03/02/2025 04:49

Hey - you've been diagnosed with cancer. You're allowed to feel shit. This is a shit thing to happen. Even if the prognosis is thankfully good. Lots of love to you.

HereBeWormholes · 03/02/2025 05:09

Been there. We can be so determined to cope and be positive that we bury the - perfectly natural - fear and shock... I think this is a survival mechanism and gets us through the unnerving process of treatment.
.
It's only when the initial flurry is over that out mind starts to allow the feelings to rise to the surface and yes, this doesn't feel good... But from my own experience, I'd say: Allow it. Don't waste energy trying to put on a brave face, this is your time to process and move through the feelings. Diagnosed before Christmas is still very recent!

Do reach out for any support you can get - is there a Maggie's Centre near you? Breast Cancer Now is a good site with helpful forums. Sian Williams and Victoria Derbyshire have written good books on their experience. Other people who've had cancer can be easier to talk to sometimes because they don't shy away or try to be relentlessly, exhaustingly positive.

And go gently on yourself! Keep things simple, pare down your life responsibilities where you can. In our busy world, we need the rediscover the gentle, slow work of recuperation...

This is doable! You are not alone. Sending hugs. 🤗

Daisy03 · 03/02/2025 05:16

I was diagnosed last year in march and have finished the bulk of my treatment very recently.
I do find it very difficult people saying how well I've done or talking about my positivity because they don't actually know what's going on inside and that I'm probably holding a whole lot of trauma.
Like a PP I exercised all the way through, this helped me cope mentally and I'm sure helped me a lot physically also. I also cold capped, and lost no visible hair, this helped me hugely mentally I think, keeping myself visually.
Do take help wherever you can get it, it's a huge deal and can be a long difficult journey.

MinnieMountain · 03/02/2025 05:37

Of course you can retract “I’m fine, I’m lucky”. People will understand because cancer is scary.

Have you found the cancer support thread in General Health? The posters there really helped me.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 03/02/2025 05:50

Oh my goodness, of course you are going to have difficult and low times. And I think 'what if' goes with the territory. I was diagnosed with breast cancer in August last year, grade 3, have finished my (gruelling!!) chemo, surgery and radiotherapy next. I'm pretty stoical and pragmatic, but have had horrible times, normally around two in the morning when it feels like everyone else is asleep and I'm all alone. It's completely normal to feel this way

Tell your DH, and take very good care of yourself. I've had some counselling sessions, is this something you could consider? It's helpful to talk to someone you can be completely honest with.

This is the cancer support thread a PP mentioned https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/general_health/5219604-cancer-support-thread-96-its-nearly-christmas-get-the-sprouts-on?page=15

Zanatdy · 03/02/2025 05:55

Sending you a huge hug. It’s totally normal in your situation to have bad days.

Lifestooshort71 · 03/02/2025 06:38

You will feel down and tearful and just want bed days, all of us who've been there remember those dreadful emotional ups and downs. Just take it a day at a time and accept that life will never be the same for you even though loved ones will think 'you're over it now'. My biggest low came the day I walked out of the oncologist's office with NED on my notes and that was it, no more appts, no more support, they just moved me on out! Yes, annual mammos and bone infusions twice yearly, yes the manky little devil pill for 10 years (which is slowly wrecking my body) but I was on my own! You will get through this because you have no choice, your team will be brilliant as will your family, but it won't stop that little emotional mess buried deep inside of you. Be gentle and kind to yourself and do what feels right for you! 💐

Original poster

Justalittlehandhold · 03/02/2025 07:09

Thank you to everyone who responded here, I didn’t have a great nights sleep. But I’m going to talk to DH today, tell him how I’m currently feeling.

Some wonderful ideas, that I’ll take on board. I’ll also speak to my MacMillan nurse for some help.

Im sorry for those who have gone are going through it.

OP posts:

AirborneElephant · 03/02/2025 07:20

Oh sweetheart, be kind to yourself. It’s ok to not be ok. Fellow BC person as well, stage 2 grade 3. Most of the time I’m fine, worked all through chemo, ect ect. But sometimes I have days I’m just really down or anxious or damn angry about it all. Tell your husband at least how you’re feeling, ask for support and focus on self care today. You need to give yourself time to properly process your emotions, no one can be strong all the time.

Gemmykins1234 · 07/02/2025 00:20

Hi lovey. Big hugs. ✨

I was diagnosed in July. I had chemo first with a injection in thigh for a year so will still have that till summer, I had lumpectomy after chemo, will be having radiotherapy.

Please do not feel bad for your feelings this is an extremely stressful journey. I have had different emotions. I wasn't too shocked at the diagnosis as I had a feeling it was. Once I was told it wasn't a cyst it was a hard mass during the ultrasound that was pretty much it. Looking at the other being Lumos (cannot remember names they just seemed to be in actual breast tissue not the nipple, my lump was nipple so what else was left? I had a toddler and people said blocked duct but I had no paid no swelling. People told me to stop googling and being negative but that helped me, sounds daft but when the doctor said it was cancer I already knew I didn't freak out. When the doctor said chemotherapy however that left me a bit numb. I felt weird walking around the hospital afterwards, like slow motion.

I did chemo, I went for a walk every morning no matter what, I tried to fight against the side effects I did not want to be in bed. That was my own personal reaction to it how to cope mentally. Do whatever helps you. What I hated was the nausea, and the fatigue it was draining, it's mostly because you do it again and again. However I was up and moving I ate alot of gherkins and starburst! The nausea is weird as it's not have a dry cracker and that will help it was have a starburst and the nausea would go. I loved picked things, salty.

You will see oncologist throughout if side effects are too much they can lower dose or change. But there are different types and people are different. The people I was sat with when I first had chemo did not look sick and all had a good appetite!

I didn't lose my hair, the cold cap worked. It did shed alot after the first cycle and was thinner so I'd say I kept 80 per cent. I do feel strange now after the treatment being told NED. My moods are weird and I feel low like can't get that happy feeling, no enjoyment. But I know I've been through alot, it is okay to feel like that. I still worry about what will happen, reoccurrence. I also feel like I've aged in 6 months, I'm 36 but I feel old. I do keep moving, keep working out. Got to keep going and try to keep muscles and bones strong. There is a very big old sense of what now. What do I do now? What will happen next?

I have waffled on! I just wanted to share my experience to let you know I'm on this journey too you are not alone and please be kind to yourself your feelings are normal. Good luck. X

Boobsallgone21 · 07/02/2025 07:56

Hello. I was diagnosed almost 10 years ago. Stage 3 grade 3, bilateral mastectomies, chemo, radiotherapy and still on anastrazole. Chemo is tough but it is doable and please ask for help with any symptoms. How you are feeling is very understandable. Life has been turned upside down and you are allowed to feel low. Please talk to someone outside your family/friends possibly MacMillan/ breast cancer now or the Samaritans so you can truly explore and express how you feel. Sometimes it’s very difficult to tell people you love how you feel because you don’t want to upset them and much easier to tell a stranger. Please look after yourself physically and mentally and at the moment take each hour at the time. A cancer diagnosis changes your life in so many ways and there will be a time when it’s all in the past. Sending you love and strength x

Original poster

Justalittlehandhold · 07/02/2025 08:45

Boobsallgone21 · 07/02/2025 07:56

Hello. I was diagnosed almost 10 years ago. Stage 3 grade 3, bilateral mastectomies, chemo, radiotherapy and still on anastrazole. Chemo is tough but it is doable and please ask for help with any symptoms. How you are feeling is very understandable. Life has been turned upside down and you are allowed to feel low. Please talk to someone outside your family/friends possibly MacMillan/ breast cancer now or the Samaritans so you can truly explore and express how you feel. Sometimes it’s very difficult to tell people you love how you feel because you don’t want to upset them and much easier to tell a stranger. Please look after yourself physically and mentally and at the moment take each hour at the time. A cancer diagnosis changes your life in so many ways and there will be a time when it’s all in the past. Sending you love and strength x

Thank you for that post.

I’ve contacted my MacMillan nurse who is just fabulous. She’s contacting the counsellors who are going to be in touch.

I hope you’re doing well now?

OP posts:

Original poster

Justalittlehandhold · 07/02/2025 08:46

Gemmykins1234 · 07/02/2025 00:20

Hi lovey. Big hugs. ✨

I was diagnosed in July. I had chemo first with a injection in thigh for a year so will still have that till summer, I had lumpectomy after chemo, will be having radiotherapy.

Please do not feel bad for your feelings this is an extremely stressful journey. I have had different emotions. I wasn't too shocked at the diagnosis as I had a feeling it was. Once I was told it wasn't a cyst it was a hard mass during the ultrasound that was pretty much it. Looking at the other being Lumos (cannot remember names they just seemed to be in actual breast tissue not the nipple, my lump was nipple so what else was left? I had a toddler and people said blocked duct but I had no paid no swelling. People told me to stop googling and being negative but that helped me, sounds daft but when the doctor said it was cancer I already knew I didn't freak out. When the doctor said chemotherapy however that left me a bit numb. I felt weird walking around the hospital afterwards, like slow motion.

I did chemo, I went for a walk every morning no matter what, I tried to fight against the side effects I did not want to be in bed. That was my own personal reaction to it how to cope mentally. Do whatever helps you. What I hated was the nausea, and the fatigue it was draining, it's mostly because you do it again and again. However I was up and moving I ate alot of gherkins and starburst! The nausea is weird as it's not have a dry cracker and that will help it was have a starburst and the nausea would go. I loved picked things, salty.

You will see oncologist throughout if side effects are too much they can lower dose or change. But there are different types and people are different. The people I was sat with when I first had chemo did not look sick and all had a good appetite!

I didn't lose my hair, the cold cap worked. It did shed alot after the first cycle and was thinner so I'd say I kept 80 per cent. I do feel strange now after the treatment being told NED. My moods are weird and I feel low like can't get that happy feeling, no enjoyment. But I know I've been through alot, it is okay to feel like that. I still worry about what will happen, reoccurrence. I also feel like I've aged in 6 months, I'm 36 but I feel old. I do keep moving, keep working out. Got to keep going and try to keep muscles and bones strong. There is a very big old sense of what now. What do I do now? What will happen next?

I have waffled on! I just wanted to share my experience to let you know I'm on this journey too you are not alone and please be kind to yourself your feelings are normal. Good luck. X

Thank you so much, your post is inspirational.

OP posts:

ImAChangeling · 07/02/2025 08:56

Putting to one side your current situation for a moment, it is quite normal to have down days, especially with being winter and what is happening in the news at the moment. You are reacting as any human would to a challenging time.

You might enjoy the book Wintering by Kathrine May. It’s a beautiful book. Perhaps pick it up as an audio book if you are low on energy at the moment.

Sending you lots of warm vibes your way. And remember that spring is coming (metaphorically and actually) 🌸🌷💐

Boobsallgone21 · 07/02/2025 08:57

thank you. Yes I am well usual aches and pains as I’m 58 now ! I look at life differently now and although I do have the odd moment’ of what was that all about?? I appreciate the little things in life so much more than I ever did. Just keep going and this too will pass x