For thinking it’s so selfish she is having another baby

[Haveyouanyjam]

She had her children removed from her care nearly four years ago, two years of court battles where she lied about chronic alcohol use, children were nearly put up for adoption.

In the end her mum was given a special guardianship order for two of the children. Now the kids are basically back with their mum, she still has mental health and alcohol issues but seems to be able to get them to school etc, and they are now older (primary school age) and a bit easier to manage. They stay with her mum when she’s not up to it, though mum has two younger DC also (late primary and secondary age).

She is now pregnant with another baby. Father unclear.

She has three other children, eldest is 10 and lives with his dad, plus the two who are sort of in her care.

AIBU to think this is a really selfish and silly decision. She barely manages to visit her eldest once a month and seems to just about be coping with the younger two.

Who is this that you're talking about? I think if she is that chaotic that she's in that situation again, she isn't likely to be a rational sensible individual

I’d agree with you. I’m always amazed by people who seem to be just about managing who choose to make their lives harder / more complicated. A new baby, a puppy, a cocklodger. Then the whole house of cards comes tumbling down and they need rescued again.

Who are you talking about?

Are you her mum? If not what's it to you?

DSS’ bio mum. He lives with me and is understandably upset that she didn’t get it together enough to care for him but has decided to have another baby.

Addictions and parenting don't mix. Her life sounds chaotic - I wonder if this baby was planned. A tough situation.

Baby won’t have been planned. She’s had at least 6 unplanned pregnancies. Either 5 or 6 different fathers depending on the outcome here…

That is really rough for him and you. Is he getting any sort of support?

sounds like the pregnancy 'happened' rather than being a decision
presumably if the other children are in care, she is on ss's radar already?
are you in a position to discuss it with her mother?
maybe alert SS if you are concerned.

Oh I hear you. My DSD's 'mother' was a waste of space addict (and also a nasty, controlling person) who drank herself to death and caused a shit ton of trauma before she went. It's so hard watching people do shit like that when it affects the kids. YANBU.

Yes, not for this specifically as she only told him today despite being at least 5 months pregnant. But for everything he went through in her care he is under CAMHS and has good support from school.

I’m sure it just happened but it’s at least six pregnancies by now so surely you’d use contraception. Or consider alternatives.

SS closed the case but obviously at that time the two other children were still living with her mum, not with her. I assume her midwife must have to refer her back but don’t know.

Her mother just defends her to the end. She nearly wasn’t given the SGO because she let them stay with her when she wasn’t allowed to and lied about it, but managed to keep them in the end.

Addicts never understand the reality of the harm they are causing to the people around them. Children especially are hit hard by the fallout.

yes, she should be putting her energy into keeping her life in order and doing the best she can for her existing children, but no one can force her to be a decent human being.

All you can do is protect the children in your care and call social services whenever you see something actionable.

Thanks all. I just feel so sad for DSS and know he will feel more rejected and unloved and wonder why, though of course it’s nothing to do with him.