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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For being frustrated with her

5 replies

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 02/02/2025 20:09

So, I feel so so awful saying this. I have a friend who was an ex colleague. We worked together for around 4 years before we both moved on. I left before her and she’s been super helpful with many things involving me moving on and how to move on along with the best things I could be doing to do better. I couldn’t have secured the opportunities I have without her help.

However, she has a really annoying habit of dwelling on the past all the time. Particularly in relation to the last place we worked at. She once sent me a huge text saying words to the effect of “I feel like I need to say my truth about being a really good colleague and friend to jenny at (insert previous work place name) even though all my my truth is now being rewritten i refuse to let anyone think I didn’t do my best” I replied after a while saying I understood but it’s time to just let that person stay in the past and not impact the future. Her response was “well I try but it’s hard when you know they are just spewing negativity” then two nights ago I got a message about this meme that was saying something along the lines of a colleague who is hard to work with but pretends butter wouldn’t melt. And she tagged me saying “who do you think this relates to”

As much as I care about this friend. I’m so bored of hearing about the past. I want to just move on. Like it’s getting boring now. I was tempted to say something like let’s just leave them in the past. But I back out again as I feel I’m being horrible.

aibu for wanting to address it

OP posts:
ThePerkyCoralPoet · 02/02/2025 20:15

Excuse the typos

OP posts:
JLou08 · 02/02/2025 20:55

I don't think it would be horrible to say let's leave it in the past. Is there something that really bothers you about it? Was it a difficult time? I just couldn't imagine being too bothered about a friend talking about the past, especially when that is where your friendship started.
Do you have much else in common? You could just not pass comment on what she says but reply with something that you do actually want to talk about.

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 02/02/2025 21:57

JLou08 · 02/02/2025 20:55

I don't think it would be horrible to say let's leave it in the past. Is there something that really bothers you about it? Was it a difficult time? I just couldn't imagine being too bothered about a friend talking about the past, especially when that is where your friendship started.
Do you have much else in common? You could just not pass comment on what she says but reply with something that you do actually want to talk about.

It’s pretty horrible for me. I was bullied there and I just really don’t like hanging onto the past. We need to move on sometimes and when she keeps talking about it. It just drags me back.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 02/02/2025 22:00

"Personally, I prefer to leave stuff like that in the past, so I won't comment on it in future".

That's all you say.

JLou08 · 03/02/2025 17:59

ThePerkyCoralPoet · 02/02/2025 21:57

It’s pretty horrible for me. I was bullied there and I just really don’t like hanging onto the past. We need to move on sometimes and when she keeps talking about it. It just drags me back.

I think you should explain that to her, any good friend would understand.

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